Much to my chagrin, I've come to terms with something I don't necessarily like to admit.
I started drinking when I was fourteen. I was dared by a girl I knew to drink two beers, so I told her instead I would drink the full bottle of vodka, and I did. I haven't stopped since then. I don't remember much of my later teens because of it. In fairness, I remember only playing in a punk bank - fat man & little boy - and getting drunk afterwards. I woke up a year ago.
Now I sit in a position where my "love" of alcohol, or rather the escape and the numbness it brings, is becoming sad. I don't drink for fun. I drink because I'm sad, because my body demands something intoxicating. I crave the escape, the pure loss of life.
In the last hour alone I drank two bottles of bourbon and a few shots of Jack. My body is numb, so is everything else. And yet, I am eternally joyous. My face, it's contorted, smiling eternally until I wake. Imagine it, I dare you. Go on, try to think of a world where happiness is incarnated in a drink; a simple liquid made from fruit and rye. Isn't it lovely?
The reason I'm writing this is because I'm afraid. I've been drinking for nine years now. Not long, not even a decade. Yet, I still crave it every day. When I wake up I think about bourbon. I don't love anybody or anyone, I just think about alcohol. It is my dearest love, my soulmate, and the woman, man, or whatever I would choose to forever live with.
I write best while drunk, believe it or not. So you'll have to forgive me if I stop now, amidst my words. I need to write; real, proper writing. The sort that challenges our soul, the sort that makes you cry and makes you burst out into laughter. The sort that makes you thrive to live forever no longer remembering the pain. For all your excuses to read what it is I write, is no different than the reason I write: to escape.
P.S.: I apologize if none of this make sense or if this offends somebody. It seems I am quite good at that, and I truly sorry if you are one of them.
It's strange how much satisfaction I got today when the first part of the second chapter on my blog fiction site (Lv87) went up. Sure, the first chapter took a week to post, but I still think it's better than posting in 5-6k word increments. Perhaps I am wrong, though.
The bog hasn't received a ton of views, but I have no advertising for it and I don't think the keywords I use are very... broad. Nevertheless, I'm happy its been posted in whole.
I decided to put the whole chapter in a 1-page setting. I'll do the same with the following chapters. I figure it'll be a little easier to do that rather than making people read them post by post. Granted, it then begs the question: why did I bother to break the chapters up anyhow? Oh well, I still like how everything is coming out.
It's been a while since I've posted on these forums. My life kind of fell into a strange little place for a while. Well, much to the chagrin of a few I am certain, I'm back.
Not long ago I tried to make a blog where I could post my writing. It failed... horribly. In fact, dare I say, it was one of the stupidest things I've done. Thankfully, we learn from our mistakes and now that I am a bit more clearheaded, I figured I would try it again.
A while back I wrote a novel - 109,000 words in all - but I never sought out an agent/publisher. Since it is doing nothing but gathering dust in the corner of my hard drive, I figured I would make a blog and post all of chapters. Originally I was going to post each chapter, one by one, but found the length was too much. Reading five thousand words isn't hard, but clicking on the Continue Reading... button and having 4,800 jump out at you is a bit overwhelming. Instead, I'll be posting two pages each day. Give or take, it's about 1-1.5k words.
I am hoping people come and read it. Even though the grammar isn't that great and I didn't edit the damn thing all that well, I still like how the story came out. If nothing else, you can point and laugh.
You can check the website out here at Lv. 87. Oh, and feel free to criticize.
I am far too competitive for my own good. Unfortunately this personal fault, if you deem such a thing a fault, has led me to do things I would otherwise avoid, from writing an entire one hundred and ten thousand word novel to singing "Dirty Old Town" in front of an audience of about two hundred people... half naked. And do you know what the sad thing about all of this is? I don't even do it for money, the dare alone forces me to do it. I cannot accept under any circumstance failing when I know that if I suck it up or put enough effort into it I can easily accomplish it.
My friend and I often find ourselves trying to out due one another. On the other hand, we're also incredibly cruel to one another. He still has a scar on his neck from that one incident with a rubber band and the cap of some home brew. Well, he finally went and did it... he dared me to write another novel.
He knows I'm able to, but there is one difference with this one... I can't do it the way that I like. You see, I have a theory when it comes to creating character. Basically, forcing out a premade, already assembled character whose beliefs, morals, functions, activities, favorite foods, etc is all decided is perhaps the WORST way to create a character. I favor developing a character over time and molding him through his actions, knowing full well we all evolve over time as our experience begins to grow.
Well, my friend thinks that idea is fine and dandy, but his method of writing is far better. He can churn out a novel in a week if he wanted, though he does take the prior week off to write an outline for each chapter. To me this is heresy. However, I was dared to use his little tactic...
So then, what will the novel be about? Well, I don't honestly know yet, though I figure I'll try to make it fairly topical since I can probably get away with exposition for a good part of it. While science fiction and fantasy eat up a good chunk of words, and my goal is only sixty thousand, I think a nice Fascistic dystopian novel would be a good deal easier. It will allow me to toss in a few references to things that I care about, most notably the sickeningly rampant Antisemitism spreading throughout most of the world.
P.S.: How the hell does Shane MacGowan eat?! Each time he opens his mouth to sing I keep thinking he's Smeagol from The Lord of the Rings. Poor, poor Mr. MacGowan.
UPDATE: ARGH! It is soooo annoying to write like this! I've been itching all day to sit down and write the first chapter - I know everything about it. Unfortunately, the agreement says that I will not begin writing until I have down every character, every detail about said character, every chapter, and everything in between. I've only thought about the first three chapters, though I know the ending, and the main character.
This is horrible. How do people work like this?! I demand to know how a writer can honestly sit down and write an index of characteristics and chapter detail and NOT immediately start writing and forgetting all of that crap. All I want to do is write, but instead I'm designing the layout of my characters life. I really don't care about my characters heritage. He's white! That's it! But nooo, according to my friend I have to pick a region where his family originates. You know what I chose? Europe.
Alright, I think I'm going to go hang out with some other friends for the time being. My head hurts and I'm slowly going insane. Oh yeah, I've been reading a LOT of Ayn Rand lately, so this novel will be 100% biased. To hell with being impartial.
Subtitle #1: The Wrath of King!
Subtitle #2: Naomi Klein is a Jerk
Anyhow, where were we? Ah, yes, the weather. In our last installment of Elitism and the Writer I spoke of the oncoming winter and how speaking of such a thing as a metaphor in a novel is strictly verboten. Today we'll be focusing on another form of behavior control. First, however, let's delve into some pseudo intellectual mumbojumbo.
Behavior control is a facet of sociopolitical ideologies that has existed far beyond our generation. To put it simply: if you control the minds of your people, you control the might of your nation. The same can easily be said for any smaller community. Any intelligent bunch knows that anarchy does not work, that there needs to be some sort of leadership to keep their group moving forward. When people come to power they tend to have ideals and opinions and they seek out those who share such beliefs. Over time these smaller communities become divided - one side agrees on one idea, while the other considers it blasphemous. If you need an example just look up every church in your city.
In regards to our community as a whole, not our forums, behavior control is widely accepted. We often find no disdain in this pathetic display of loathing, choosing instead to revel in the glory of telling others how to live. In our case, we tell others how to write and if, by chance, they disagree with us we become infuriated. That, however, was the topic of the first Elitism and the Writer. Today, we're focusing on the terms of acceptance in general and how they are another form of behavior control.
Christ, I'm sounding like Glenn Beck. Kill me now.
To begin I have a series of questions for you:
1. What does it take to be a writer?
2. What does it mean to be a writer?
3. Can anyone become a writer?
4. If anyone can become a writer, what makes us special?
Alright, have you answered the questions? I hope that you have, otherwise you're skipping ahead, which makes you a jerk. Those questions are all opinion based. They have no definite answers, only guesses. It would be fantastic to come up with the perfect path of becoming a great writer, but in the end it depends entirely on both luck and the ability of said writer. So then, the answer to number three is obvious: Only some can become writers!
...actually, that's crap.
Writers, just as any other community of hobbyists, fancy themselves as special. We like to think we're all original and that our work far exceeds the works of others. If you're a writer and you have no faith in your material then I would seriously question your confidence. The point is, however, we like to assume that only certain people can become writers. Think of it as being a Jedi. In the original trilogy any doofus with a fancy light sword thing could become a Jedi, but in the new trilogy only certain people with funny little bugs could.
Not just any schmuck can be so powerful, we need rules and regulations. It's like this in all communities actually. In most religions if you don't follow a code of laws then you risk eternal damnation or whatever your religion deems to be torturous. I think for the Buddhists its being reborn as a lamb in Scotland. All of this, with perhaps the exception of the whole Jedi stuff, is a form of behavior control. It is a way for the community to enforce their ideologies.
In regards to the writing community, we are so quick to judge whether or not somebody can become a writer. After all, being a writer is a job of eloquence, a job of intelligence and of grace. We sing the stories of heroes, of the men and women who fight for not simply their own people, but for the... blah, blah, blah. We seem to have this idea that we are born this way, that somehow God or whoever your creator is blessed some of us with the magical ability to write...
I have some bad news...
All human beings, with few exceptions, are capable of writing. I know, I know, there is a difference between just writing and writing. Any fool can type a two hundred thousand word science fiction novel about laser swords and homosexual gold-plated robots. It takes a real writer to create a story about zombies that are created via cell phone usage. In case you're wondering that was my Stephen King reference. I'm trying to throw him under the bus at every turn, I figure one day it might actually happen.
I wonder, what is it that makes a good writer? In truth, none of us can come to a decisive answer. Some of us like tension, some of us enjoy good dialogue sessions, and some of us lust after zombies created via cell phone usage. Personally, I'm a fan of P. D. James and Thomas Sowell.
So then how is a writer created? I suppose this is simply my opinion, but it's when somebody who enjoys reading decides to write. There is an idea that seems to permeate the community which says only certain people have the ability to use their imagination. What we fail to realize is that it is a muscle, one that must be exercised to fully benefit from. So then, what else does a writer need? Well, other than an imagination, which we ALL have, they need to have a decent grasp of the English language. Anything else that you can think of? Something tells me that the only thing left is the basic motor, the drive to become a writer.
We are not mystical, God-sent gifts given onto the world to bless with our writing ability. Instead, we're all capable of brilliance and we're all capable of grace. Rather than allowing these self hating fools to force us down, we should refute the very idea that only the best of us can become a writer. Will every writer amongst us be successful? Obviously not, societal trends dictate what is and what is not popular. Still, that doesn't necessarily mean that the work is bad. Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged was barely published and received scathing reviews, yet it's currently one of the most popular books on shelves.
Language itself is an exercise of the mind. It is an admittance of God, a recognition that the creation of life, even if minor, is more valuable than anything else that we can attain. Our ability to enlighten, our ability to radiate a persons mind and help drive them forward is our greatest gift. The ability to write is simply its vessel, one which any fool can grab onto.
You don't need to be a genius to write. How do I know this? Well, I'm a writer.
Separate names with a comma.