I am drowning myself in Symphony of Science, partly to block out the sounds from outside this room, partly because it makes me feel better. I've listened to this play list three times now, but every time a song ends, the drunk, competing voices from the party in the next room enter, so I keep starting them up again. Once upon a time I was quite good at writing. Art school has taken away my creativity; sucked it up and left me just going through the motions, trying to finish this degree. Art school has also taken away my vocabulary, and replaced it with less eloquent expression. I'm afraid someone will find out I'm not very clever; that I am not a very good artist. I'm always afraid that someone is peering over my shoulder, watching every word I put down and every mistake I make. I don't write anymore. I can barely drag myself up out of my stomach long enough to take my photographs, I'm less impressed by the alchemy of processing than I was...I am less interested in the perfect composition... I want to make something beautiful.