Due to my sex, cultural baggage, being born somewhere else, I never served. For most of my life, it didn't matter. When I started to write as a hobby, I found a layer of reality—war—I had no idea existed, a part of humanity I didn't understand. This reality lies under the surface, doesn't get screentime in movies. No one talks. The more memoirs and non-fiction I read, the more I uncover stories that touch the heart of what makes me human. I ache with them. I feel them. True stories have power reaching out from their pages. I am not a veteran. Does that make me less able to understand? Talking/writing has the potential of opening deep hurts. Through giving voice to your experiences, you make yourself vulnerable to judgement. That which is war is multi-layered and defined in primal colours but interpreted in hues, therefore those that have not been there, like I, can never understand. Not even an attempt can be made, so you don't give me a chance. But I'd wish you'd consider that sometimes, if I don't ask, it's because I know you won't tell, won't attempt to explain. Keeping silent is not the same as not wanting to understand. Yes, now is the time to tell me I don't understand. Tell me I should shut up because I don't know what you experienced, have no idea what I'm talking about, am just a woman, a stupid civilian. I hate that word. It shuts me out. It hurts. Some days I get angry. Or I push those words away. Most days I feel alone. But when I read yet another memoir, or hear my self defense trainer screaming in my ear and feel the rush of anger and fear, I ache for those words I can never say and that never will get heard because no one listens.
I've made my share of mistakes, and they probably are legion. But you know what I've never done? I never told someone elses story. I'm telling mine. What are you doing? Are you also writing your own story? I don't mean a memoir necessarily, but the story you bit into with joy, consternation and despair? Lightbulbs going off all over your brain when some scene that's been giving you headaches suddenly made sense? Hours and hours of arranging tiles on a storyboard to get just the perfect tension arc? Snatched half-hour increments in the wee hours of morning? A few words scribbled in a coffee-stained notebook while buttering bread for your kids, in between waiting bumper to bumper in a traffic jam on your way to work? Sounds familiar? If it does, you don't need to read further. If it doesn't... well. I'm going to tell you a secret. If you are one of those who lean on others to tell you what you should write, you're not writing your own story anymore. And I, for one, am not interested in reading something that doesn't come from your heart. That didn't make you sweat. And I can tell the difference. Be sure of it. I won't be buying your book. But I guarantee you'll be reading mine. If you are one of those who ask people what to write, this here is for you. I'm so sick and tired of questions like 'How long should they be together', 'How should they meet', 'Why does he love her', 'What is the relationship she has with her father', 'What job should he apply for', 'What should be the name of my book', 'What theme should my book have', 'I need a name for my character', and so on in eternity. This is all bullshit. Time consuming evasion. Insecurity. It's okay to ask questions. No writer can exist alone. We all need a little help sometimes. I've also asked for help: very specific questions applying to very specific situations, and seldom. Very, very seldom. But questions like those in the prior paragraph are way, way more. They are asking for someone else to tell you the story you should write. I can hear you asking 'But what's so bad about gathering ideas? We're only interested in what people would like to read, and then deciding from the answers'. No. You're asking more than that. Give me more than that, or you are not the writer you wish you were.
I'm throwing this bone out there for your delectation, because I'm divided in my own mind. The issue came up just a few hours before, when I read through the recent thread about 'antagonists' vs. 'villains'. Now, it's not a secret that I am quite stubborn and like to batter my own way through whichever wall may stand in my way. In terms of writing this means that I shun writing-guide books. I've tried a few times to read them, because it would be smart to use guidance if it's offered, but broke off every time—and not because the book didn't give good advice. I just can't seem to make myself accept someone/something as a 'teacher'. I need to find my own way—which is not the wisest or easiest path, but oh well. That's just me. But what I do when I have a specific question or stumble over a new concept, I read up on it from different sources. Blogs, forums, whatever I find. But I only do this when I am curious about a specific aspect—which has the drawback that, if I don't know to ask the question, I am not inclined to look for an answer. So it boils down to that I write by instinct. Ever have been, probably will do forever. Granted, in the meantime there have been a lot of questions that have occurred to me and for which I've found answers, but they are probably only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Anyway, back to protagonists and antagonists. A great post prodded me to examine how my MCs relate to each other, and—lo and behold—my two MCs have the exact markings of mutual antagonists. I've certainly not planned it that way, because I didn't think that there'd be a concept for what I did do with their characters. They just came out this way. My gut told me what was required and I fiddled around until it felt 'right'. It's not the first time it has happened that I've found a concept and recognised the way I've applied it throughout my story. Even if I'm not inclined to accept writing 'teachings', I'm relieved to see that there's a concept for what I'm doing. That others have done the same thing and I'm not going where no one has gone before. I'm not an oddball (or not only). But at the same time, the realisation that, when I'm actually managing to write the d** thing of a story good, I'll do it only flying by the seat of my pants and not by conscious brilliance. Hah. I guess this all boils down to self-doubt, but don't fear for me, I've got a thick skull.
On and off I get the urge to learn something new about writing. This morning, I wrote about a thousand words and my brain needed a breather. But still I wanted to write. I knew I couldn't (because, y'know, exhausted brain), so the next best thing was 'Think about writing'. The following 'treatise' on crutch-words was what one-and-a-half hours of reading in the web produced. Some of the presented information I knew already (overused adverbs, yikes!), but some I hadn't thought of before (groups of words, anybody?). These are NOT my original thoughts. I'm not that good. Yet this information was valuable to me, and maybe it'll be to you, too. I linked the website where I found the particular wisdom at the bottom of the last paragraph. ============ Ready? Go! ============= First off, what is style? A writing style isn’t defined by your content. Rather, it is primarily defined by how you treat content. You might use long, compound sentences, or you might use very few dependent clauses. You may pile on adjectives and use metaphors, or you might just stick to a simple noun + adjective + verb combo. Perhaps you prefer to use a broad vocabulary and a thick thesaurus, or you might just stick to basic words. The one thing that every writer has in common, regardless of style, is that they use “crutch” words. What separates a mediocre writer from a great one, however, is that great writers learn what their crutch words are, and remove them during editing. Crutch words and phrases are words you automatically use in your writing over and over again. They are comfortable. They are obvious. But they’re NOT a good thing. Even if you have a sparse style, that’s no excuse to stick to your comfort zone. (http://www.wiseinkblog.com/writing-2/how-to-identify-your-crutch-words-and-highlight-your-style/) Crutch words are those expressions we pepper throughout our language as verbal pauses, and sometimes as written ones, to give us time to think, to accentuate our meaning (even when we do so mistakenly), or just because these are the words that have somehow lodged in our brains and come out on our tongues the most, for whatever reason. (https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/09/actually-literally-what-your-crutch-word-says-about-you/323648/) Repeated crutch words, contrary to popular belief, are NOT part of an author’s style. This is because they’re communicating content, rather than a structure. It’s possible to use different words, or create a different way of describing something and still maintain the same style. (http://www.wiseinkblog.com/writing-2/how-to-identify-your-crutch-words-and-highlight-your-style/) Words make lousy crutches. Not only will they not keep you from hitting the floor if you're wobbly on your feet, they will also annoy your readers if you lean too heavily on them. In the editing process, crutch words are almost as invisible to writers as comma infractions, but they are vastly more irritating. (http://www.writingbugncw.com/2017/04/crutch-words.html) ========= Here the treatise stops and I, Caden, speak again =========== So, say you want to avoid these pesky words. Some of them might jump out to you when writing, now that your attention has been sharpened. But some will not. You'll get told by Beta-readers, you might recognise them by chance—and forget about them, promptly. You can't remember all. First solution: Stickies on your laptop. Could work for the most often used words you want to avoid. Second solution: Make a list and pull up this document, every time you get to writing/editing. You can add to this list, and you'll remember to look out for these words/phrases better, if you look at them often. You'll be alerted to their presence. For me, I compiled a list from a lot of different documents (i.e. http://writershelpingwriters.net/): Unspecified words/Overgeneralisations (i.e. almost) Actions (i.e. begin) Body parts (i.e. eyes) Overused adverbs (i.e. actually) Overused adjectives (i.e. awesome) Diluting prepositionals (i.e. in the process of) Groups of words (i.e. at the end of the day)—and no, I'm not sure that 6) and 7) aren't the same thing. Tell me dear reader, if not! If anyone wants the list, give me a shout per PM. Caden over and out.
Recently I discovered how to get into 'creative' mode and I share it here, because maybe it'll help one of you people when stuck on a plot-problem. 1) Feed your brain. Doesn't matter with what. Learn lots of different things. Read news articles. Comics. Books. Watch docus and films. Discuss. The important part is: with different things. I reiterate: diverse topics. Even ones you don't need for your story. Especially these topics. 2) Sit down somewhere quiet, with lots of time. Best if it's hours. 3) If you are into music, turn on your favourites. Quiet or with lyrics, fast or slow. 4) Do something repetitive where your brain is NOT engaged. Copy/paste from a website. Look for earthquake catalogues, and copy/paste every single event into a txt document. Or something else equally engaging. The important part is: boring. I repeat: boring. 5) When you're getting bored, start thinking about your plot-problem. No pressure, because you'll be sitting, doing this boring activity for hours. Mull things over. Picture the scene where you're stuck clearly. Get into details. Rinse, and repeat. No pressure. You're still sitting and copy/pasting, and will do that for hours. Nothing else to do for your brain than thinking. Somewhen along the line (I'm talking hours), your brain will go down different paths. Maybe you find yourself thinking about one of the articles you've recently read which somehow seems to fit in tone. And then, suddenly a new connection will be there and your scene will play out differently. Or your brain will jump back to another scene, where the new connection will seem to fit. Or the music will give the scene a new tone. Or the setting will be different. Any of these things can happen, or something else, something completely your own. Maybe this will not happen on the first day. Maybe on the third. Maybe a week down the line. But I promise: it WILL happen. And your problem will be solved. At least this is how it works for me. Try it, and tell me the results
I was alerted to this article, regarding the style/word-choices of Agatha Christie http://www.christiemystery.co.uk/method.html In particular, the following passages as published on the above linked website were valuable to me, in terms of how to arrest a reader's attention. Maybe they'll be valuable to you, too. The research team also analysed each of Christie's books for its word length, frequency and sentence structure. They found that all of her books are very similar in style, using the same number of letters in a word on average, and approximately same number of words in a sentence. This is true for books written at the beginning of her career as well as books at the end of her career; it was as if she found a successful formula which captivated her readers and stuck with it. The researchers also found that there was a level of repetition of key concepts in her words within a small space. When Agatha is getting a concept across, she repeats key words and words which are similar in meaning in rapid succession and in a condensed space. This theory is also backed up by believers of neurolinguistic programming, which is how language affects the mind and how the words can have an affect on how we think and feel. By repeating words at least 3 times in a paragraph, it enables the reader to become convinced about something. In addition, the programme claims that a person’s conscious mind has a very limited focus, and can only focus on between five and nine things at one time. Once there are more than nine things to focus on, the conscious mind can’t continue to track them all, and so the person literally goes into a hypnotic trance. The Agatha Christie Code claims that Agatha often uses this by using more than nine characters, and by having more than nine plot lines taking place at any one time. As the reader’s mind gets overloaded, they start to begin really experiencing the book, feeling the book, and getting lost in it. And because feelings are infinitely more memorable than thoughts, people associate the feelings with Agatha Christie’s name and also with her novels. Finally, the research team discovered that Agatha Christie very precisely controls the speed at which we read her books, by changing the level of descriptive passages. There are more descriptive passages at the beginning of her book than at the end, which has the effect that we read more quickly towards the end of her books... literally we are rushing towards the end to see who did it!
Characters and Names: why are they such a big hangup? In real life, we all get saddled with random names our parents dreamed up when we were born and no one knew into which kind of person we'd grow up. Some of us fit our names, some don't (I don't think I fit mine ), however we didn't have a say in what we got called. So in real life, any specific name doesn't correlate with specific character traits, it would have to be totally random - or not? That's the big question. Ludwig Wittgenstein basically said that the meaning of a word is purely a function of how it's used. The implications are for one, that social expectations get saddled over time on certain names. - Like the first letters of the alphabet gets more attention (because they are called first) and thus is more likely to stand out. - Like having a stand-out name among classmates usually makes for teasing and bullying, making you more likely to become a loner Yet that's not what I wanted to say here (it was just a side effect of looking a few things up). I want to ask if the combination of vowels and consonants that make up the sound of a name also form the person's character you are describing. This morning I renamed one of my secondary characters and was stunned that the mental image I had of him suddenly changed and got a lot more serious (sidenote: I liked that a lot so I kept the new name). Maybe that's just how my own mind works, but it sure was a moment of stun. I'd love to hear if you've had similar experiences. Does a name correlate with a specific character you have in your mind? Or can you assign any name to this person and the character wouldn't change? For me, the name makes the person and the person makes the name. There is only one fit - if I change the name and I change the person. edited to add after a bit of research: So far I can tell from my limited research it's proven that this name-face-character correlation exists. It even has a name: onomatopoeia. Look it up - it's a fascinating topic
Comma at the beginning of a sentence: Because I lost the race, I had to pay five dollars. (dependent clauses before independent clauses) Honestly, you should have told me months ago. (sentence adverb) Hey, remember me? Yep, I did it. (interjections) She kissed me passionately. And then she decked me. (coordinating conjunctions) Tommy told me he washed and put away the dishes. Yet he can’t even reach the sink. (coordinating conjunctions) Yet, and this is crucial, I’d forgotten to pack my pistol. (non-essential phrase) “But, Milt, I don’t know how to drive.” // “Lucy, please pick up your roller skates.” (direct address) Wanting to know where we were going, Gina and I lifted the blinds. (introductory phrase) On Saturday we’ll be going to the movies. (short introductory phrase) A red-haired recruit, Darren Smithson, caught the eye of the drill sergeant’s daughter. (appositives) Now you see it, now you don’t. // First you’ll need two hammers. Then you’ll need two aspirin. (transitional words/phrases) Today is my birthday. (transitional word - subject) Sighing, Madison began the climb up the six flights of stairs. (single word offset by comma) ========== Transitionals ========== Transition words such as therefore and indeed are often followed by commas, but they don’t have to be. The trend is toward a more light-handed use of commas. (e.g. Therefore you shouldn’t have to pay a dime.) The word however, however, should be followed by a comma at the beginning of a sentence when it means nevertheless. Do include a comma when the transition word is followed by a dependent clause or a question. (e.g. Therefore, if you think about it, you’ll know I’m right.) Although there are exceptions, don’t shy away from commas after introductory elements. You will include them much of the time. (e.g. Nevertheless, I’d forgotten the entire speech. // On the other hand, you’ll probably want to order dessert.) SOURCE: http://theeditorsblog.net/2015/08/27/introduce-me-with-a-comma/ (comma, beginning of sentence) ========== Sources =========== http://theeditorsblog.net/2015/08/27/introduce-me-with-a-comma/ (comma, beginning of sentence) ========= Definitions ========== because, if, when, since -> subordinating conjunctions for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so -> coordinating conjunctions appositives: renaming the noun transitional words/phrases -> contrast—despite, on the contrary, on the other hand, still cause and effect—therefore, thus, so restatement or clarification—in other words, again time—now, then, later, today, tomorrow, yesterday, afterward example—that is, for example, specifically intensification—of course, indeed, in fact, undoubtedly
This is definitely not a rant and I promise to be brief: I recently got hit over the head by a dear friend with the very true observation that not everything in writing is supposed to be determination to get this thing DONE, toil, and struggle. There needs to be joy and outright laughter too. I have taken the lesson to heart, writing scenes that are just backstory and will not wind up in my WIP - and that feels so good. 'Fanfic' if you need a proper word, for me alone. I needn't be serious about it but just write without concerns. I will not say that I don't make every word count or write things that won't have a bearing on my WIP, but writing these little scenes takes away a whole lot of pressure I've put myself under. So my advice for today is, do the same if you are smart. Have just fun writing
Because I am a stickler for detail, I'll make here a list of grammar stuff to remind myself not to make these particular errors, and to make a comprehensive list. I'll only very briefly tell what the error is, and, if any reader is interested, he/she would do well to look up the proper definition him/herself. This list will get enlarged. I'll try to keep it for American English. Parallels (yeah, I know this list grew a lot!): Incorrect: I like reading, writing, and that I can help others strengthen their writing. (present participle) Incorrect: Summer is the warmest season of the year, providing opportunities for outdoor activities, and gives kids a break from school. (rephrase) Incorrect: He wants to travel either in a train or a bus. (in to both), (neither-nor, both-and, not only-but also, and not-but) Incorrect: Your problem is not that you can’t write but not paying attention to the instructions. (parallel grammatical structures) Correct: The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurately, and thoroughly. (parallel grammatical structures, general) Incorrect: The salesman expected that he would present his product at the meeting, that there would be time for him to show his slide presentation, and that questions would be asked by prospective buyers. (parallels, passive, clauses) Incorrect: The dictionary can be used to find these: word meanings, pronunciations, correct spellings, and looking up irregular verbs. (parallels, lists after colon) Participles: Incorrect: Travelling to Finland, the weather got colder and colder. (dangling participle) Modifiers (probably falls under the heading 'clarity' for me - and they might be difficult to spot for me): Incorrect: I found my missing hat cleaning my room. (dangling modifier, while) Incorrect: Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed. (dangling) Indefinite articles (hm - do I now speak my text out loud in my head?): an SAT exam; a SAM base; an FOB airfield (correct!, hint: how they sound when spoken) Lie-lay-lay/Lay-laid-lain/Lie-lied-lied All-none: None of the material provided by the university was used. (correct, singular) Percentage: 38% (correct, symbol when preceded by number) Coordinating conjunctions: Correct: Miguel took piano lessons for sixteen years, and today he is an accomplished performer. (two independent clauses, see list of coordinating conjunctions) Correct: Give me the keys and get in the car. (short) Incorrect: And, my brother needed me. ========== Sources =========== http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/ (mixed wisdom) https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/6/ (punctuation) https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/620/1/ (mechanics) https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/5/ (grammar) http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/020204whencommabfand.htm (comma) ========= Definitions ========== and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet -> coordinating conjunctions
For anyone interested how to edit, or even write the first time around Clarity issues: - Cause/Effect. That's a major hang-up. - Closely followed by paragraph breaks, when to set them or when NOT. - Clarity. Includes fancy words or 'poetry' when not warranted. - Who is speaking? When to use the name of the POV character, and when it is clear enough to use 'He'. 'Craft of writing' issues: - Pacing. Short vs long sentences according to action/passivity - Only what the MC is experiencing should be written down: authorial intrusion. (disclaimer: for close POV writings) 'Easyness' of read-through: - Elimination of repeat-words - Not every sentence should start with the same word (i.e. The) - Closely followed by the fact, that speech should not always start with the spoken words, and the physical reaction of the character afterwards. It should vary. If a writing adheres to the above, I am most likely provisionally content . But .. doing the above is hard and not always obvious at the time of writing first. Often it needs a bit of time to see the clarity/cause-effect issues. All other points are comparatively easy to see first time around.
The last days I have pondered what makes a start 'good', connects the reader to the coming story. In order to do that I have tried to remember which first paragraphs have stuck in my mind. I have read scores of books in my time, but only very rarely I remember first paragraphs. In fact exactly two in I-don't-know-how-many books I have read. "Bridge of Birds", by Barry Hughart: I shall clasp my hands together and bow to the corners of the world. My surname is Lu and my personal name is Yu, but I am not to be confused with the eminent author of The Classic of Tea. My family is quite undistinguished, and since I am the tenth of my father's sons and rather strong I am usually referred to as Number Ten Ox. "Dispatches", by Michael Herr: There was a map of Vietnam on the wall of my apartment in Saigon, and some nights, coming back late to the city, I'd lie on my bed and look at it, too tired to do anything more than just get my boots off. That map was a marvel, especially now that it wasn't real anymore. ----------------- So what sets these two introductions apart from all the rest? It's really quite simple. Both of them give an insight into the speaker's mind immediately. Both of them plant the reader immediately into a body, let the reader feel the mindset behind the speaker from the very first sentence. And in both of them, the author has spoken with the 'voice' of the speaker and the story.
I am not sure if that will be another rant or should be read as encouraging. Honestly people, don't you want your very own story? Aren't you interested what you'll discover on your own? Other people won't ever share your vision - it is solely up to you to capture it however you can. All these threads, bouncing ideas out there, giving others a choice where YOUR story should go, there is something decidedly off with that. See paragraph one. Yeah, there WILL be mistakes. You WILL make them, just as (almost) every other writer who has ever lived. Is the prospect of making mistakes so frightening that you want to deprive your story of your own vision? And the mistakes you might make - they have the potential to spark off, well the spark. Your very own inner fire. The process of making them is a journey to your own voice, your own maturing, as a writer and a human being. Don't deprive yourself of the joy in finding out. Have courage to embrace your own not-knowing. Your own stupidity. Acknowledgement of your own shortcomings - and finding out firsthand in the making of mistakes - is a joy in itself. At least that's what it feels to me. I am never happier than when I find another 'ant' in my chaotic anthill of a story. It lets me experiment and go down different paths - with words and maybe rearrange this anthill along a bit more streamlined patterns. Embrace your own mistakes and glory in their corrections.
I am a coward. Not that it is a new realisation (I suspected for some time), but it sure is an uncomfortable one. But maybe I should start at the beginning. I am one of the storytellers that are not real creative. Oh, since I started on this forum I believe I have learned something about stringing words together and sometimes I get an inkling what creativity must be like, but I am not creative per se. I always prefer action to words, even if my fingers can't lay off writing. I blame grandpa, he told me too many stories as a kid. Anyway. Owing to my lack of imagination, the story in my head (which I am writing, come what may) is about what sits close to my heart. I use writing to learn about myself and the world - and I absolutely love research. It broadens my horizons something fierce and I never know what I'll discover tomorrow. Keeps me on my toes for sure. I write for myself, and if my story should delight some readers down the line this is all to the good - but I don't delude myself that I'll become a great author. Won't happen and I am content with that. However, my story is important to me and because it is, I am apprehensive of people's opinions. Every storyteller is, right? And here we come to the crux. Fact A: I am writing LGBT. Don't ask me why, I am a straight gal. I have no statement to make. This is just the way the story is. And it is important to me to write as it should be written. Fact B: I don't have a problem giving scenes out to my trusted alphas. I am hardened with regard to critiques. Fact C: As soon as I am on the verge of giving one of the more steamy scenes out, I get apprehensive and I hesitate. Get doubts. Second thoughts. Ask one, two times if the person really wants to read. These facts converged and I got an fleeting idea what our society does to gay people, what kind of courage it would need to stand up and be counted. It's not enough to be aware of facts. Knowing intellectually about falling outside of the norm, about disapproval and even hate. I have gay friends and I never saw them as anything else than fellow humans. If I think twice about giving a scene out - just how much courage must they have? I salute all of you. I hope I can learn to be counted too.
I recently wrote an explanation for a good friend about how to set linebreaks. During pull-apart I realised that there was an art behind it, and that it takes a whole lot until they are set right. So I thought I'd share. I'll not claim to be an expert, or that this is all there is to it, just my very own five cents as far as I have figured stuff out by now. Have fun! ================= Linebreaks are needed when two consecutive sentences are disconnected in - not cause/effect - but 'theme' for want of a better word. The sentences which are joined, which are between two linebreaks, for purposes of this blog I define as 'beat'. >Linebreak >Beat (one or more sentences) >Linebreak So what is a beat? Each beat has a 'theme' (for want of a better word). Sentences within a beat are joined by a common purpose, which can be anything. 1) Setting, 2) Impression of senses, 3) Emotional response,... there are more possibilities than I can ever list here. Go and look at your own work, I am not a nanny However, don't try to analyse the 'theme' of each beat, even during edit. You'll not manage that. I don't either. Listen to your gut, feel the flow (wow, I really sound like some hippie right now), or I should say better, the cause-effect. Because each sentence should be connected to the one before it. And when it isn't - not completely - when the cause-effect jump is 'farther' - then set a linebreak. And lastly, the order in which these beats are set can also tell about their importance to the POV character we are listening to. It is a way for him to express himself, what he looks for first, what last. Where do your own eyes wander, what fixes your attention first when arriving at a new place? Figure it out Pacing Incidentally, that is how 'pacing' is made. Beats can be likened to 'heartbeats' (it's no coincidence that the words are similar). Each linebreak lets the reader draw breath. Imagine it, feel it. In an action sequence there are no complex sentences, and often only one or two sentences are needed before the jump to the next beat is made. In comparison, a setting beat is slower, more measured. Think the comparison of sitting in a nice garden chair, nursing your cidre and listening to the rain drumming on your umbrella, versus sparring. Think what your heart is doing in both cases, and then you know how to write action/setting beats. And lastly: Don't think about such stuff while writing - I certainly don't. The idea *snort*. Don't go and write one word at a time, thinking and analysing all the while. This will not work! Write however it comes out, and in the editing phase go and pull it into a tight whole. ========================= So this is a short example out of my work. I'll not claim it's perfect (first draft and all), but it should get the idea across: - The start of it all tells us about the setting and where Jaraley, aehm the reader is - Jaraley pushed the door of the van close and shook back the hood of his sweater. Above, Sesnye's flag was bathed in cold halogen light. It waved slowly in impersonal greeting. Hello there - the grey star at the edge of red seemed to mock him. But this base was only likely to be a brief stop on the way to another hellhole. - Linebreak - new action, technical impressions and security - Carl had stopped the van in the middle of the open space before the administration building, a few yards away. Behind it, a low wall enclosed the compound, broken up now and again by watchtowers. Cameras were aimed in all directions - safe, at least provisionally. - Linebreak - impression of senses - Here, at the edge of civilisation, sound and sight seemed to be defined sharper, clear edged; the two-story building with its flat roof was cut out of the darkness. The walkway before the building was swept clean, the windows mutely lit. In one room a man sat bent over his desk, blueish light from a computer screen illuminating his tightly concentrated face. - Linebreak - Jaraley heard the backdoor of the van open behind him, and glanced instinctively around. Of course, it was only the rest of his team who seized the chance to get out. What had he expected? His fucked-up brain could just go and take a hike; there were no threats here.