hello fellow writingforum members!!! this is Olive here!! been forever right?! i had like completly forgot about this site till i searched up an old user name i used and found this!!!!

my feelings are now undercondtol, and i am wirting stories on fanfiction.net still with a case of writers block!! D: i am happy as i can be with my family and friends. my family growing bigger and bigger by the year!!!

hope you all are well and whatnot!!

Olive Kanayurak, girl from Alaska and middle of nowhere!!! XD
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  1. we are new to each other when we first meet,
    we are pleasant to one another, small shy smile on our face while i try and keep my cracked heart inside held together from all the bossing, the teasing, the put-downs, the BULLYING.

    when you find out that im different, you turn your back to your new supposed 'friend' just like the others.

    you then also join in on the bullying,
    'come on, help us tease this weirdo,' is what they call me. and so, you bully me.

    while this happens, i am crying inside, breaking, tearing, shattering inside. did you hear that sound of breaking glass? that was my heart, it finally braked. are you happy now, now that my glass heart is nothing more than dust?

    so what if i am different from you people? so? i'm unique, i'm different, just like every one else. we are all different from one another. so are you going to tease, bully your friends because they are different from you? are you? if you are, you should also bully yourself. there is no other same person as you in the whole world. we are just like snow flakes, there are no two same snow flakes.

    so tell me, truthfully, are you going to tease, bully others because they are different from you? even if it means bullying yourself in the action... so what if we are different, i like beoing unique, but, i dont know about you....
  2. everyone has to grow up sometimes. some people grow up way too early than they should, like me. people tell me i act more mature than a normal 18 year old. i did because i was treated differently than a 'normal' person should. there is no such thing as a 'normal' person. nothing is normal, everything is different from each other. even those that r like twins, they may look the same, but, they r different. as i was writing, people grow up when they r treated differently from others. i know im rambling, but it helps me get over my depression. im slowly gettin over that.

    well, thank u all 4 listenin 2 a person who has a broken heart.... good day/ goodnight
  3. i am very different from a lot of people here in my town and from my family, and yet, i am the same as them. i like things some people would not like and even disapprove of. i like reading yaoi stories and doujinshi. not many people even know what it means, if you do, good for you! if you don't and you don't like same sex relationships, then go on with your life and don't even read this if you don't like!:mad:

    from what i know of about here in the North Slope, not many people even know of or like yaoi and yuri. i am friends of a few of them. not even my family knows i like yaoi. only a few friends even know what it means! i am a very personal person, don't even confide in people. you people are lucky that you are even knowing what i think. i don't ask for help a lot of the time for anything unless i have no choice in the matter.

    as i was saying, i don't confide in my family that much, even my friends. but i wish so. i have a lot of genes saying that i am my families daughter alright. i have my mom's hair texture, my Kanayurak nose from my dad's side, my dad's height from his family, my dad's family famous temper when provoked, and some other things. i mostly look a lot like my dad's side than my mom's. but, i'm proud of it. i'm happy being a Kanayurak. my dad's family last name means something in my Inupiat or Eskimo language. it means Robin, i don't know why, but it does.

    i am also a little bit more emotional than people here. i grew up being bullied till i was about 18 and 1 and a half months, which was not too long ago. i turn 19 in october this year. because of that, i changed from what my brothers and sisters grew up from, i'm more sensitive about a few things than other people at some things. that is why i am a very personal person, i am afraid that someone will use my personal liking against me and tease me about it and tell other people so they may also tease and bully me about it.i am not a very trusting person about meeting new people.

    for a while, i was really depressed. because of that, i had some thoughts about ending the pain and hurt i felt; now, now i feel better than before. but i am still weary of new people i start to befriend. old habits die hard.

    this is also the reason why my favorites in colors and songs are different. my favorite colors used to be orange and yellow, now, it's blood red and a dark ice blue. in music, i used to like to listen to happy like songs, now its a mixture. but mostly songs that are emotional and very meaningful.

    i changed a lot, but it also made me stronger and more aware that life isn't easy. i would never change that for anything in the world. i don't like things being sugar coated, i would rather get the whole truth than some half truths.

    this is who i am, how i changed; my name is Olive Sakik Kanayurak, and i am proud of my life....
  4. for most of my life i've been hiding my feelings behind a mask so i wouldn't let my friends and family worry about me. i wasn't doing it because i don't want me to think they think i am weak, no, i did it because i know they will make sacrifices to make sure i will be okay. i just don't want them to bother. i want them to know i can take care of myself.

    so, for years, i have been hiding behind a mask. i don't even know if it was my true feelings or fake ones from my mask, i don't know myself anymore...

    who am i really? am i Olive S. Kanayurak, daughter of Flossie Kanayurak nee Akpik and Frederick Kanayurak. Younger to 3 sisters and 3 brother and older sister to a sister and brother? or am i Olive Kanayurak who is careless, selfless of what is happening in the world? where did i go?

    these are the questions that are running through my mind when i think over what i am thinking or before saying something.

    i am independent. i don't normally ask for help on anything except for when i don't understand something. this is just the way i am.

    i have lots of friends in Atqasuk, AK. they are the ones i grew up with and will always be in tough one way or another. the days may be long or short, i will forget them someday. i barely even remember what my childhood was like.

    i will least likely change. i am way to much of a loner to talk about my feelings. i like to learn things by myself.

    people here hope that i will soon open my heart and tell them my feelings, i also hope that will happen someday... and that my mask that is made of steel will break when the time comes...
  5. had anyone ever had trouble sleeping? I do, all the time. every night i lay awake doing either reading or watching TV. No matter what i do i can't go to sleep. it's getting on my nerves. i haven't tried sleeping pills because i don't want to go there when i am forced asleep. would rather sleep naturally then by some pill. i think the reason might be because of my emotions or something. I don't know, probably never will...

    have a good night...