Hey there my adoring fans, welcome to another edition of my blog, all three of you who'll read this anyways. Today I'll be discussing Ireland's new blasphemy law, a quadriplegic getting screwed over and Britain losing it's last WW1 veteran. So lets get this show started: Ireland's new law: I guess things were going a little too well in Ireland so it's government just had to find a way to screw things up. Justice Minister Dermot Ahern as enacted a new law that basically states that if you say something about a religious institute and it pisses off enough people, the the Irish government can fine you up to twenty five thousand Euros. I... I can't be the only one who thinks that that is completely insane right? Here's a law that is damn near impossible to fight in court and gives the local authorities the ablity to decide what is an "outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of a religion." What I really don't get is why haven't the Irish people haven't done anything about this. There freedom of speech was just taken away so where are the massive rallies? Why are they letting the government decide what they can and can't say? Protect your civil liberties or sooner or later they'll all be taken away. Quadripegic law student: So now we go from the Irish losing their freedom of speech to good ol' fashion American bureaucracy. This news story stars Sara Granda, a law school graduate who happens to be a quadriplegic. She got that way due to an accident roughly twelve years ago. Now a quadriplegic completing three years of law school and getting a degree is impressive, but, unfortunetely, that is not why she is in the news. You see the Cali's state government helped her out financially including paying for her bar exam entrance fee... which is where everything started going wrong. You see the state sent the bar exam her entrance fee directly, by way of mailing them a check. Normally when you register to take the exam online (obviously being the easist way for her to register), they require a credit card number. She talked to the bar association about the fact that her fee was being paid for by a check and they told her it was ok. Now fast forward a bit, to just about a week before the exam, Miss Ganda finds out that her application to take the test wasn't processed since it wasn't paid online by credit. Yes you read correctly in the previous paragraph that they told her it was alright earlier and then suddenly, oh there's a technically and you can't take the test. Oh and just to let you guys/gals know, it's not like you can just take it next week or something. The next bar exam in california will come in February, as in next year. I give her credit for not letting them know exactly what she thinks of that technically right away and trying to think this through. So now, she's asking asking the state courts to force the bar association to allow her to take the test. Even California's govener Arnold Schwarzenegger has made public comments in support of Miss Ganda. The exam will be the same week as of the posting of this blog (actually it may be Tuesday), so good luck Sara. Hopefully this will have a happy ending. Britain loses a hero I'm ending this one on bit of a sad note. The last living British army veteran of WW1, Harry Patch, has passed away. Mr. Patch died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 111. He entered the army in 1916 and, after basic training, became a machinegunner in the Duke of Cornwall's Light Infantry. A few weeks in, he fought in one of the bloodiest battles of the war, at Passchendaele, where three of his friends were killed by a shell explosion. At a rememberance ceremony in 2007 Mr. Patch, then the only living british veteran of the war, said "Today is not for me. It is for the countless millions who did not come home with their lives intact. They are the heroes. It is also important we remember those who lost their lives on both sides." In a later comment, made in the same year, he said, ""I met someone from the German side and we both shared the same opinion: we fought, we finished and we were friends." Ha, spoken like a true warrior. As a citizen of a fellow allied nation, I salute you for your bravery and thank you for your service. May you join your loved ones and fellow fallen soldiers in the afterlife. Rest in peace Harry Patch.
There are certain people here in America's government that you can always count on saying idiotic things. There's even an elite among these people, such as good ol' Newt Gingrich. A man that can give his wife divorce papers while she's in the hospital with cancer and then give a speech on family values. Now lets get to a more recent quote of his, from a talk he gave in Rock Church in Virginia: "I think this is one of the most critical moments in American history," Gingrich said. "We are living in a period where we are surrounded by paganism." (Source: http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/archives/individual/2009_06/018512.php) Oh dear Goddess no, not the Pagans. Come on, seriously? At most there are only like a million and a half, maybe two million of us. I don't know about any other Pagan out there, but I didn't get the memo to start surrounding the U.S. Plus, since I live in the U.S, I kinda like having not surrounded and I'm pretty sure the other Pagans in the country will also like not being sorrounded. I this point I feel sorry for conservatives. The republican party is supposed to be their party. For any of you conservatives out there reading this, when two of their top people (Mike Hukabee was also there and didn't disagree with Newt's statement) of your party are warning you of a Pagan threat, maybe it's time for you to give up on the republicans and create a new conservative part. One that would fight for conservative values like I don't know; states' rights, individual freedoms, and not involving the U.S. in international matters unless it's required... you know, things that the top republicans seem to have forgotten about a long time ago. Just some friendly advice.
(This is pretty much copied and pasted from my myspace blog.) First off, sorry about taking taking over a month to write a new blog. I know my hordes of fans have been waiting on the edge of their seats for my next piece of writing. So lets get things kicked off with: Michael Steele: If you don't know, Michael Steele is the former lieutenant Governer of my home state Maryland and the chairman of the RNC. Now while I don't always see eye to eye with him on political issues, I generally respect him. However the recent comment of his about same-sex marriage is well... idiotic. He says it's bad for small businesses. Here's his reasoning from the point of view of small business owners: "Now all of a sudden I've got someone who wasn't a spouse before, that I had no responsibility for, who is now getting claimed as a spouse that I now have financial responsibility for," Mr. Steele told Republicans at a state convention in traditionally conservative Georgia. "So how do I pay for that? Who pays for that? You just cost me money." (Courtesy of Washingtontimes.com. Here's the exact article it's from: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/may/17/gay-marriage-called-burden-on-business/) Um... wouldn't that be an arguement against all marriage? Seriously, what in the world was he thinking when he said that. I really hope he didn't come up with that idea. Of all the arguements against same-sex marriage, it's effect on small business has to be the most retard one I've ever heard. Prayer Death: On May 22 a Wisconsin mother, by the name of Leilani Neumann, was found guilty of causing her 11-year-old daughter's death. Hearing of a parent/guardian causing their kid's death is nothing new, but this case is somewhat unique from a legal stand point. You see, her daughter died due to have untreated diabetes. It's unlikely that her parents new her exact disease since instead of seeing a doctor they decided to simply pray. They didn't even call paramedics when their daughter went into a coma for a few hours. Here's the article if you want all the details involved (courtesy of cbs2.com): http://cbs2.com/national/mother.guilty.reckless.2.1017242.html I believe that one of the definitions of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Maybe by the third or fourth time that praying failed to make her daughter better, Mrs. Neumann should have considered an alternitave method. Also, at least in my opinion, religious freedom and parental rights end when you put your kid's life on the line in a test of faith. This girl should be alive today and would be if her mother used some basic logic. I hope her and her husband (who's currently on trial for the same charge) get the maximum time of 25yrs. My future Blogging idea: I'm considering adding another part of my blog, a series of writings that'll be entitled "Ramblings of a history nerd," which will be focused on hostorical culture, famous people and major events. I'll still keep writing about (modern day) culture and sometimes post my fiction stories but I think this will make a nice addition. I bid you all farewell. Goodnight and good luck (kudos to those of you that know where that sign off comes from).
Well, me and my friend Mercurial were discussing the traditional commintment ritual (i.e. marriage) and I decided to blog my views on it (in other words, yes I really didn't anything better to do with my time). Let's go ahead and get this out of the way right away. I am not a big fan of the traditional marriage ceremony. Now, boys and girls I bet your saying to yourselves, "But weddings are so magical, what could you ever have against them?" And I respond, "Oh trust me, there's plenty to dislike about it...." Lets start with one of the biggest things first, having to have all your friends and family there. Now in theory this should be a good thing, right? I mean, this is one of the biggest days in your life so why not have your family and friends there? Well, not every theory turns out to be correct. By involving so many other people, it ends up being more about them than the two people actually getting married. "Where are we going to sit everyone... no we can't sit Jim Bob and Bob Jim near each other, they've been fueding for years... what are we going to serve... what music do we play that everyone will like... your mom wants red flowers but mine wants pink one.... etc, etc." It ends up being just a fancy dinner party or an expensive family reunion. Which brings me to my second point, it's expensive. Now, I'm far, very far from being cheap, but come on people. Weddings nowadays can easily get up five, or even ten, thousand dollars. I can't be the only one that thinks that that is insane. For that money you could have gotten a family car, put a hell of a down payment on a house, or invest it into just about anything that you would use for more than just ONE day. The wedding ends up just being a excersize in excess. While I'm not against excess, but in this case, it really takes away from the reason why your getting married in the first place. The next reason will be short and to the point, the amount of time spent planning the wedding. People will spend anywhere from a few months, to over a year planning it; just to make sure that every single detail is perfect. When you put that much planning into something that should be simple and straightforward, then it loses a lot of it's original intent; at least in my opinion it does. Now, at this point, Beverly brought up something, that I believe to be one of the biggest reasons why people get married, it's a security blanket for people (herself included). After all, if someone is getting married to you, that means that they're truely commited to you, right? Now, I now that our culture has drilled it into everyone's head that wedding = commintment. This seems particularly true among the female half of the population. However, this simply isn't true. The simple truth is, either someone is committed to you or they're not. No piece of paper (marriage license), symbol of unity/love (wedding ring), or commintment ritual (wedding) can change that. And the reason being, to be perfectly honest, I dislike tradition. At least traditions that keep going on, simply because they're tradition. I think half the reason anyone gets married anymore is because according to tradition, "that's what your suppose to do." And in the end, that simply isn't a good enough reason for me. At this point I bet your saying, "Well ok then Mr. I hate marriage, since you love pointing out what's wrong with getting married, what would you do for a commintment ceremony? Lets see if you can answer that one, if your so smart..." And I reply, "Well, I'm glad you ask, cause I just happen to have an answer for that." I say, if two people want promise themselves to each, then just chose a ritual that has meaning to the two of you. As for what I'd like to do: I'd set up a week long vacation for me and the person I chosen to promise myself to. Her/him and I would go somewhere private away from the rest of the world. Preferably, if we have the extra cash, we'd charter a boat or helicopter and go out to some deserted island. However, the exact location isn't important, as long as it's just the two of us. It would be during this week that we'd each write our vows to the other person and then on the final night, under the light of a full moon, we'd exchange vows. To "cement" our unity, I'd like to take the yinyang symbol and spilt it. She'll/he'll get one half tattooed somewhere on her/his body and I'd get my half tattooed in the middle of my chest, over my heart. The dark or light half would symbolize they're spirit and the other would symbolize mine. But there is some light in the dark and some dark in the light, so it would show that our spirits are connected. I'll end this blog with a disclaimer: while it isn't for me, I have nothing against other people getting married. If it's what they both truely want, then so be it and I hope they enjoy it. So, what do you guys and gals think? Am I right or just a marriage hating idiot, lets hear your opinion.
Sagas of Aether: The Ares Saga Book I: Revolution (Novel)- Currently almost half done the first draft. Themes - Love (both family/friend kind and romantic), Betrayal, Honor, Loyalty, Blurring the line between Good and Evil Rating: R - Sex, violence, rape, disturbing scenes Sagas of Aether: Prey (Novellete) - Still in the idea phase Themes To Be Announced Rating: Probably R Sagas of Aether: Akio Saga (Novellete) - Just started writing it. Themes - Protecting your family, the line between soldier and savage, Race/Ethnicity Rating: PG 13 possible R - Violence Sacrifice (poem) - finished, currently waiting for a responce from Strange Horizons. Themes: Love (family kind as opposed to romantic), giving your life for someone Rating: E - alright for all ages The Horizon (poem) - finished, currently waiting for a responce from Strange Horizons Themes: Ambition, Conquest Rating: E - alright for anyone
Your Grave I sit here on the cold ground looking at your grave You were just another victim Of the monster inside me You said that I wasn't person but that I was an honorable one You tried to show me how to control the monster inside me You probably won't be proud of my actions during this war With these blades that I hold I will destroy any who stand in my way I am not a good person But I will bean honorable one I will carve out a piece of this world Where people like you can live without fear
Nightmare Si sits in the corner of her cell Surrounded by complete darkness All she can see is the door The one that lets them in They appear human, but they aren't She knows what they really are They are monsters that will hurt her Make her bleed and cry again The young child hears a noise She looks up, expecting the worst Instead she sees a crimson eyed boy Who seems at home in the darkness Suddenly the teenaged Si sits up The memories haunting her again She looks over to see the young man The one who saved her from the monsters She walks over to his bed Curling up next to her new brother She then utters two simple words "Thank you."
Path of Blood His feet splash with every step In the sickly stream of blood But for Ares this is the only path That could lead to salvation His crimson eyes glide back and forth Watching the ghost-like figures That stand on both sides of the stream The ones who have fallen to him Some see Ares as a hero The one that gives them hope To others he is a demon A man who kills all in his way Ares knows that he is both He is a monster and a savior The destoyer of the old ways And creator of the new era
There are four races that live on the planet of Aether. All four of them are descendants of the original race. The original race was called Aers. They were nomads and pretty primitive. However, they were also very peaceful, and lived in harmony with nature. The god of chaos decided that this was boring. He altered all of the females so that thier offspring would be mutated versions of Aers. Over time there were no Aers left and in their place ruled the four races of Aether. The god of chaos made sure that they mistrusted each other and that some would have ambition and hatred. The god of chaos was stripped of his rank of a major god and replaced by Razer, who became the god of war. Humans: I don't think I need to go too much into detail about how humans look. Anyways, they are one of the most ambitious race. They are always trying to expand their territory and influence, and never seem to be content with what they have. High Elves: In terms of appearance, these are you classic LOTR type elves. They are pretty peaceful, but will defend themselves if threaten. They mostly stick to themselves and try to stay out of the conflicts of other races. They can live for a couple thousand years. They prefer the forest and river terrain over others. They are often seen as arrogant by the other races. Night Elves: They have the classic pointed ears. Their skin is dark blue and they usually have dark black, or dark red hair. Their eyes are bright red. They often have tribal tattoos. They are a warrior race, and train for battle throughout their entire lives. They usually live in tribes rather than kingdoms or empires. They are pretty territorial. They won't start fights with others unless they are threatened, though once the battle has begun, they are honor bound to never surrender. They tolerate others, and if someone has proven they are a trustworthy and honorable ally, they will be very loyal. Iceras (I-saras): They appear to be cat, human hybrids. They mostly have a human body, though they have cat ears, eyes, and a tail. They live in tribes and don't usually do much with the other races. They rarely take things seriously and are known to be pretty sarcastic. I've taken this race out of the story.
Ash is one of the main characters from my fantasy series. She is the older half sister of Ares (you can read more about him in my blogs Hero or Villain, and The evolution of Ares). They share the same father. The evil bandit lord Lonan. Though he is ofter just called the Knight of Chaos since its taboo to say his name. Ash takes over Bandit Forest (tentative name) and becomes known as the bandit queen. Bandit Forest is a vast forest that is wedged between the north eastern edge of Adon's territory and one of the many vast mountain ranges of the continent of Xen. It is one of the few completely lawless regions of Xen. Though at one point it was the heart of an ancient and powerful kingdom that controled most of Xen. The region that is now Bandit Forest, was where its capital and two of its largest cities. Though all that's left is a few ruins that have long since been looted of everything valuable. The ruins are nothing more than hideouts for bandit tribes. Due to the thick forest, its easy to fall prey to ambushes and traps set by the bandits wanting to make a quick buck. Due to its lawless nature, many people try to escape to Bandit Forest. There are serial killers, thiefs and prostitutes that go there to escape the law. There are also philosophers, scientist, and escaped slaves that go there to escape oppresion. Appearance and physical attributes: Ash is five foot, ten inches tall. Her body has an athletic build, with lean muscle. She has short black hair. Like her brother, she has inherited the Pyrrhus trait of having dark red eyes that have a slit pupil (like a cat's eyes). She wears leather armor over her chest that stops at the top of her stomach, a short loose leather skirt with metal plates, and leather boots. Like her little brother, she highly values speed in battle. She has trained her body to move very quickly. She is also amazing at reading her opponents moves. She is more than willing to attack someone from behind. She fights using two swords. Ash is probably the most skilled fighter in my story. Personality: There is a duality to Ash's personality. Usually she's pretty laid back. She rarely takes things seriously. She's a hedonist, in other words she loves sex, drugs and rock and roll (though rock doesn't exist yet in this story). However, she completely changes during battle. A large blood lust rises in her, and she loves to kill opponents. Biography: Ash was created by the union of Lonan and a protitute. Her mom simply dumped her off at her grandparents house (on the mother's side) and leaves. She never even tries to see her again. Her grandparents are very poor, but try to provide for her as best as possible. They even go hungry at times so that she has enough food. She lives in the slums of one of the largest cities in the kingdom of Adon. None of the other children would play with her. Due to her eyes, every knew that she was Lonan's daughter, so the parents told their children to never play with her or talk to her. Some of the older kids would beat her up, because of who her father was. This has lead to her having a strong hatred towards her father. When she turned thirteen, she started to look for a job to help her grandparents. She say a poster saying that the local coliseum is looking for fighters, and that it pays the winners well. The lowest age allowed is sixteen, so she just lied about her age. She won her, but only by luck. She swore to become stronger and began to start training. One of the older gladiators willingly took her under her wing and gave her intense training. She told her grandparents that she got a job working for a rich noble. By the time she turned sixteen, she had become one of the top champion of the female division of the region. The promoter got the idea to pit her against the top male champion of the area, in a death match. She won the fight, and found out that she really enjoyed killing. However, a very rich noble betted against her, and wasn't happey about losing. He sent mercenaries to her home to kill her. She killed them, and killed the noble who was there to see her die. By this point, she couldn't hide that she's a gladiator from her grandparents. She decided to leave home, and travel around. She would get paid by small villages for killing some of the local criminals. She during these travels, she discovered that she really loves sex and drugs. She eventually made her way to Bandit Forest. She wanted to test her fighting ability against the bandit tribes that lived there. She eventually gained a following there, and gained more followers with every battle. Her and her followers launched a bloody war against the major tribes in the forest. They made money by having the Adonian villages nearby pay them for protection against the other tribes. While in one of these villages, she met a beautiful slave girl named Amelia. She bought her from her owner and also gave her a house in the village. The two of them fell in love, but Amelia was scared of Ash's dark nature, and didn't like the stories that she heard about Ash. She tried to convince Ash to give up battle and run away with her, but Ash refuse. On one day, one of the bandit tribes launched an attack against that village. Ash and a small group of her followers tried to defend the village. During the battle Amelia watched Ash fight for the first time. Ash seem to be in ecstasy as she slaughtered a some of the bandits around her. One of them dropped to his knees and begged Ash to spare his life. Ash just smiled at him, and stared with her malice filled eyes. Amelia ran infront of the man to try to stop Ash. However, Ash was already moving to kill him, so her sword slashed through Amelia. Ash instantly snapped back to normal. Amelia said that she was happy to see the real Ash one more time before dying. Ash simply took Amelia's body and left the village. She dig a grave with her hands and buried Amelia. For the next week, she was in a state of deep sadness, that she killed someone that she loved. She swore to never let her bloodlust consume her ever again. After about a week, a femal voice entered her head and told her a location that she needed to go to. She followed the instructions and found an ancient ruin of one of the cities from the ancient kingdom. While inside she found a couple of odd symbols. There was an eye painted on the wall, but it was the same type of eye that ran in the Pyrrhus family. There was a painting of two swords next to the eye. The blades of the swords were black, with a flame painted on them. The voice in her head took shape inside of the ruins. It was the goddess Raze. She told Ash that the Pyrrhus family was the royal family of that ancient kingdom, and those swords were used by its ruler. Raze told Ash that the swords are inside of her temple. She also told Ash about a clan of night elves that lived in the mountains, that had sworn to be loyal to ruler of the ancient kingdom. Ash retrieved the swords and got the night elf clan to join her. With the night elves and the followers she had, she managed to conquer all of Bandit Forest. Raze then told Ash that she had a little brother that was trying to create a revolution. She told Ash about how Ares wanted to end the old ways, and create an empire safe for people like Amelia. Ash found Ares and challenged him to a duel. She defeated Ares but was impressed by his determination, so she willingly join Ares's army, as did her followers. She became very close to Ares's partner, Si. The two of them fell in love and started to date. Her and Ares also eventually got a very strong bond, and Ash became very protective of her little brother. She also loves to tease him. Including pointing out that he looks a lot like a girl and would often call him her little sister or sis (much to his chagrin).
Xare Aldrich is going to be a very important character in my fantasy series, Sagas of Aether. Some of you have already met her in the rpgs on here, though I'm not sure If I'll give her the nickname Fox in my story or not. She is one of the best soldiers for the kingdom of Adon. Since the vast majority of its territory is grassland, the backbone of the Adonian military is its calvery. The calvery is divided into two factions, knights and riders. The riders make up the majority of the calvery and is the first line of defense against bandits and invaders. In theory, the knights are supposed to be like their elite forces, however most of them got there simply because they come from a rich or powerful family. The only group of knights that do know how to really fight is the dragon battalion, which is led by Xare's older brother, Kayle. The riders have five generals. One supreme leader and four regional generals. Each regional general runs one of the great fortresses that are on the outskirts of Adon's territory. One in the north, in the south, west and east. Xare is the fifth general of the riders and defender of the north. Appearance and physical attributes: As for appearance she is six feet tall and ripped. Her muscles aren't too big, but it would be obvious that she can beat damn near anyone in a contest of strength. Her main armor is very heavy, full body metal armor. Most people probably wouldn't even be able to move in it, but she makes it look easy to fight in it. She has short crimson colored hair and dark green eyes. She fights with a lance that is about as tall as she is. She is a great fighter on both horseback and standing. She has amazing strength and near limitless endurance. Personailty: Xare alternates between being blunt and sarcastic. She will let you know exactly what she thinks of you. She is very protective of the people that lives in the part of the kingdom that she defends. She will destroy anyone who is a threat to someone she protects. She is pretty laid back when in a comfortable setting. Biography: Xare was born into a very wealthy and powerful family. The Aldrich's have been a part of the knights for as long as Adon has existed. Her mother died during her birth. Her father blames Xare for his wife's death, and never spoke directly to her, unless he was punishing her for something. Instead he spent all of his time with her brother Kayle, who is a year older. Since just about every male Aldrich joined the knights, her father started training him in basic combat techniques at age five. Xare would watch from a distance and mimic what her father and brother was doing, in hopes that is she became strong, he would spend time with her also. This usually just led to her getting scolded by her dad and step-mom for not acting like a proper young lady. Since the Aldrich's are a noble family, the women were always expected to act like perfect little princesses. Xare on the other hand, would often play with the boys at her school and refused to wear a dress or any thing are girl was expected to wear. This usually led to her teachers and step-mon telling her, quite forcefully, that she is a girl and thus has to act like one. Whether she likes it or not. At rather than being upset at her parents, she was envious of her brother since he got to do anything he wanted. She decided that she would become stronger than her brother, at all costs. Around ten, her father died in a battle against a group of bandits. She trained even harder to become strong, in order to be a knight like her father. Her brother would go against their step-moms orders and would help her. At thirteen, she got into a huge arguement with her step-mom about it. Xare finally told her exactly what she thought of her and all of the other highclass ladies. It felt good, so she swore to always be honest with what she thought of people from that point on. Her step-mom told her that if she hates it so much, then she should just leave. So Xare left. She went to live with her uncle, who is a retired knight. He trains her in combat and survival. She spends the next three years training as hard as she could. Sometimes to the point that she would pass out from exhaution. At sixteen she tried to join the knights. Every year they have all potiential knights, come to the coliseum in the capital city of Aegis. They have to challenge a member of the knights to a battle. They don't have to win, only impress the knight general and atleast one of the captains. She challenged her brother, who is the captain of the dragon brigade. They fight to a draw, in an amazing battle. The knight general turns her down however, since he thinks it would be dishonorable to let a girl into the knights. Luckily for her, the top general of the riders was also there. He said that he would gladly take someone of her skill. She serves as a luitenant for the fifth general of the riders, in the northern region of the kingdom, for the next four years. When he dies in a battle, she is promoted to take his place. A lot of people didn't like that decision. However, since she won battle after battle against bandits and other kingdoms, her critics started to back off. She started to get invited to parties by nobles in the northern region. Seeing how they treated the commeners, disgusted her. She starts to feel ashamed of her kingdom. Then during at stay in the capital, the knight general is attacked by an assassin named Ares. She fights him to a draw, but he manages to escape. She sees him again near the end of her stay. She chases him, until they get to a private area. He tells her that he just wants to talk, so she decides to listen to him. He convinces her to betray Adon and join his revolution. The riders that serve under her decide to stay loyal to her, and also join Ares. Over time, her and Ares become very close and she becomes his lover, as well as one of the top generals for his empire.
Well, my depression is kicking my ass tonight, so to prevent myself from doing the self harm part I figured I would write about my issues to keep myself busy. Well first off, like the title suggests, I have depression, social anxiety and a habit of self harming. The depression. Well, basically I have clinical depression. I'm tired most of the time, have next to no motivation to accomplish anything, and I don't even have much of a will to live. Hell, I probably would have killed myself already if I wasn't so apathetic (the sad part is, I'm serious). I can honestly say that if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't care. Its so f***ing frustrating at times. Like part of me really wants to care, but for some reason I just can't most of the time. Social Anxety This one really sucks. Many times when I have to deal with people in real life, I come close to haveing a panick attack. The idea of talking to someone I don't know very well on the phone, or calling them is f***ing terrifying. For whatever reason, It seems like I have to do every thing perfectly infront of others. And there is no way I would be able to be really open to others about my issues in real life. Again, very frustrating. I really want to make close friends, and get a girlfriend or boyfriend, but if I try, I'm more likely to end up with a panic attack than to succeed. So, I'm basically a shut-in at this point. Self Harm This is something that I'm sure that anyone who doesn't do it, will think its crazy. I do it because it helps with the anxiety and depression. I probably started doing this in middle school. Back then, with out even thinking about it, I used to press the ends of my fingernails into the palm of the opposite hand. Through out most of middle school I had marks on the palm of my hands from doing this so much. Now, I usually cut, and I'm really sorry I started that habit. Its pretty addictive. Though the most f***ed up thing about it is that it works. While I feel the pain of it, I just seem to feel relaxed and content. When cutting isn't an option, I'll bite down on one of my fingers instead. So...yeah. Anyways, I guess I feel a little better now.
To My Phoenix I don't know why you fell for me you say I'm special but I'm not so sure when the others see me they look with scorn but when you see me you look with love you see the little girl the one that is afraid so she lashes out to keep others far away I want you back back by my side I was a fool I was blind I didn't see the love that you had on our last day I saw your soul it burned the sky and went to the heavens your body fell back no strength left you gave it all you gave it for me I want you back back by my side you gave me a kiss my very first kiss but I don't know why you would kiss me you wanted to know if you made me proud as if you could actually disappoint me your body burned consumed by fire as I watched knowing I couldn't save you I want you back back by my side I stared into the sky at that crimson hole the one that was left by your beautiful soul for the first time in many years I let my weakness show I cried for you I don't know if I could return your feelings but I want more time more time to try I want you back back by my side please return to me my dear phoenix return to your ashes become the girl you were I'm sorry I failed I'm sorry I'm weak I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you to my phoenix I need you back back by my side This poem is based off of the relationship between my two characters, Fox and Britney, from the Phoenix Colony rpg. Its written from Fox's point of view.
I'll use this blog entry to give a more indepth look at my mc, Ares. My current story isn't the first to star Ares. The last two stories that I created starred a version of him. My first story starring Ares, had him as a thief. He has changed a lot since I first created him. This version of Ares was created when I was in middle school. Back then one of my favorite character types was the cocky thief. This Ares was selfless and did his best to protect the weak. The only thing about him that has survived since the original version, is that he hates it when people succeed based off of what family they were born into. Ares 2.0 was created when I started to create a Star Wars fanfiction. It was when I was plotting out this story that Ares became a dark character. In this story he was a fallen jedi, who became an assassin. He was kicked out of the Jedi order, because he went to his home world to protect it from slavers, despite being told not to. It was while creating this story that Ares began to hold a deep hatred towards slavers. It was also during this story that Ares began to enjoy killing and creating fear. And now onto the current Ares. As I said in my previous blog, Hero or Villain, Ares is the son of the goddess Raze and a sadistic villain, Lonan. He was raised in the small village of Ivis, near the capitol of the Adonian kingdom. The knights used to parade through the village. Ares thought they were great people wanted to become one as he grew older. When his village was attacked by slavers, he was eight years old at the time, he saw his grandmother killed right infront of him. They dragged him out of his house and put him into a cage. The last thing he saw before blacking out was one of the knights taking a bribe from the slavers. He was quickly sold to the leader of a crime syndicate. His master was a large gluttonous man. He was cruel and would abuse Ares just for the fun of it. On Ares'es eleventh birthday, he was bringing his master dinner, when he tripped and spilled it on his master. His master struck Ares, but the odd thing is he didn't see fear in Ares'es eyes anymore, just hatred. He grabbed Ares by the throat and held him against the floor, saying "You need to learn you're place. You are a slave, and you know what. That is all you ever will be." he lets go, "Now apologize for wasting my dinner and time." Ares blacks out. When he comes to, he sees a bloody knife in his hand, and the dead body of his master. While escaping he comes upon a half-elf that is about a year younger than him, named Si Praest. His relationship with Si is very important to his character. Si is the only thing that keeps him from becoming a complete villain. She acts as his conscious. She tries to keep his inherent dark nature in check. Since he saved her, she has given him her absolute loyalty, and he sees her as a little sister. He would never let anyone harm her. Him and Si become assassins in their late teens. Most of the time they were hired by corrupted nobles and syndicate members to kill other corrupte nobles and syndicate members. It was during this time that Ares realized that he enjoyed the fear he saw in the eyes of his "Prey". The way he sees it, they probably deserve it. Even though he enjoys his job, eventually he becomes sick of just how badly some areas on the continent are corrupted, and his hatred for the rulers of these area's increases. He decides that most of the rulers of Xen are beyond salvation, so he raises an army and goes to war with all of the kingdoms, in order to create his own empire. In his empire, there won't be nobles or syndicates. All slavery will be abolished. Everyone will be given a chance to succeed. Also, any official in his empire that took a bribe would pay a heavy price. However, he doesn't think someone can be completely good and still be able to accomplish this. He thinks that he has to delve into the darkness within him. He would need his sadism, his ability to manipulate, to create fear, to kill without leaving a trace of evidence behind and his limitless ambition. He also believes that its sad that someone like him has to be the one that saves the continent of Xen. Some of the people in the land of Xen, will see him as a hero of the people. Others will think of him as nothing but a sadistic warmonger. I consider him as an evil that is necessary for the greater good.
This is a question I've been asking myself a lot recently, in regards to the mc of my first novel, Ares Pyrrhus. Ok first off I'll give some background info on Ares. He's a demi-god. Demi-gods in my world (at least the ones that are half human and half god) can live around five hundred years. His mom is Raze, goddess of creation and destruction, and his father is Lonan, a disciple of the god of chaos. He raised an army and pretty much killed everything in his path. Its considered taboo to even say Lonan's name, so most people just call him the knight of chaos. One day Lonan lauched an attack against the small kingdom of Convallis. The king of Convallis hired a famous mercenary, Celerus. Both Celerus and Lonan intrigued Raze, so she decided to mate with who ever won the battle between them. However, they killed each other during the battle. So Raze decided to mate with both of them. A god mates with a mortal by taking a part of the mortals soul and mixing it with a part of their own soul. The union of her and Lonan created a baby boy named Ares, and the union of Raze and Celerus created a baby girl named Celes. She gave Ares to his grandparents to raise in a small village. Around the age of eight, the village was attacked by slavers and Ares'es grandparents were killed. He was taken as a slave. He was quickly sold to the leader of a crime syndicate. He served his master for three years. One day he killed his master. While escaping he came across a female half-elf slave that was a year younger than him. He had heard some of the members of the syndicate brag about raping a young half-elf and he figured that it was her. He convinced her to escape with him. He promises her that he'll protect her. Over time they fall in love (brother-sister kind of love, not boyfriend-girlfriend kind of love). They live in an abandoned house and steal whatever they need to survive. As they get into their late teens they become skilled with weapons and become assassins. During this time, Ares realized that he likes to kill people and enjoyes it when someone he hates fears him. After being an assassin for a few years he realizes how corrupt some of the goverments are so he decides that he'll destroy all of the nations and syndicates on the continent of Xen and rule it as its emperor. As for his appearance and mannerisms. Ares is five foot, nine inches tall. He has a very lean build. He has black hair that goes down to his shoulders and a tattoo of a dragon that goes around his left arm. He wears that black cloak that hides much of his appearance. Due to a family trait that he inherited from his father, his eyes are red with a slit pupil (similar to a cat). He is friendly and loyal to his friends. However he is cruel and merciless to his enemies. He is intelligent and can move at incredible speed. He is not very strong. He fights using two silver daggers and six black throwing knives. The case for him being a hero is that some of the people really are better off with him around. He starts to raise his army by killing slavers and freeing the slaves that they once owned. For the chance of creating a world without slavery and a world where their children and grandchildren could have a chance at happiness, the freed slaves give Ares there absolute loyalty. Some of them even sees Ares as a savoir. Also in some of the nations of Xen, only children from rich, land owning families can go to school. Ares creates public education. Also Ares belives that advancement in the military shouldn't be based off of what your last name is. Due to this, many soldiers from nations that he conquers joins him. He is also very loyal to his friends. So overall, society as a whole is better off under his leadership. The case for him being a villain is simple. He is incredible sadistic. He loves to torture, kill and create fear among his enemies. As an assassin he killed people that did nothing wrong other than pissing off the wrong person. He even has a couple of psychotic breakdowns during his life, where he just killes everything in sight. He believes that the strong will always rule over the weak. Also some of the nations that he goes to war with, had peaceful and happy people. These nations did nothing wrong other than being in the way of his ambition. So I'm not sure whether I should classify him as an anti-hero or as a noble villian.