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  1. Taking a moment to think over all things happens in my life…

    20Th September 2008, nothing change much still the same old me, uhm.. some do change a slide of changes that makes my life differ but don’t differ much. Some are sad, but not all are sad.

    But I’ve change , the old “doesn’t care anything” of me change into “caring for all things, even small things” I began to think much, hm.. not to good actually feels so sad, many things happens this year.. Losing someone whom I care so much.. sad, disappointed, angry, all those things blurred to one..

    Is not easy to forget, but it’s harder trying to forget it, so I choose to leave it all behind, getting new friends are great, but deep inside I still feel pain in my heart.

    “Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to be, things would happen naturally.. a slide piece of Jason Mraz songs ^^ love him.. it’s true that things would happen naturally, and it might not be like what we want it to be. Sometimes I cann’t help being piss coz thing can’t work out the way that I wanted to be, but as the time flies I learn to control my emotion, understanding that all people think with their own way, no matter how close you are to them, they still got a mind of their own. Realizing this I whom still haven’t mature enough to realize it before starts to open my heart to endure it deep down. Realizing this makes me feel so alone, I never felt so alone in my life, not after I realize that.

    So terrifying, I never wanted to be alone, never thought I’ll ever felt it, so scared that it’ll last forever, but then I take my time remembering all the past, present, future, huh.. so darn tired, but there some point feels so sad, fear, pain…

    But regardless all those feeling, I choose to leave it all behind and make it a very precious lesson to me.. each things happens for a reason, and each things always have two sides..

    Many people always realize the bad sides of things (so did I) they feels no good sides form bad things.

    Yeah I’m not a psychologist that can analyze each things psychologically but I do know that all things that happens to me, like it or not it might happens for what I’ve done before. So no need to regret for all the things that happens, I believe there still much great things ahead of me , waiting for me to come and feel it.

    Thanks god I got great parents and siblings, they may not be the perfect parents and siblings, but I know they loved me more than anything in this world, that’s why I put them on the top list in my heart, I prayed each day not forgetting them, when I feel lost I won’t show it up to them, coz they’ll get worried, don’t want to make them feel worried for me, always pray for their health, wealth, giving them the best I can get them. With out them I’m so nobody, with them around I feel whole. Never had a chance to express how I felt for them, so grateful, proud to have them in my life.

    Thanks god I’m never left alone, I always have friends by my side, regardless of the things that disappointed me, I feel without my friends I would not able to be what I am now. I never did want to lose any of my friends, but things can change, even closest friend.

    When I woke up from my thought, I feel so empty inside, I feel my life was so plain, no remarkable colors inside. So I grab my nb and start on typing each things that I felt. This is a lesson that I shouldn’t ever forget, I’ve been spinning on away to far, forgetting what’s important and what’s not.

    Not much have been done in my life, not much can understand me clearly, but that’s the wrong in me, always expecting things to happen much, always expecting that people can understand me clearly, it mustn’t be that way, I must start stop expecting much more for my life.

    That’s one point that I must stressed in my life, for the moment that’s all I want to be noted down by me ^^ hahahahaha…

    Wait and see the next chapter of me ^^
  2. Life… what do you think when I say the word life?

    Many words can describe Life easily, but do we all know the essence in life??

    What we live for? What we seek in life? What is our life meant for? Who created our life?

    Is not enough words if we want to seek just what is life really means. But I do know that Life has two parts, life of your own and life of all people.. which one you care more? Life of others or life of your own?

    Some say life is too short, while other says that life is an adventure.. it all depends how we see life thoroughly, there’s no right or wrong opinion in this case. Each people may have opinion of their own. Here is my opinion on my life.

    I simplify my life as a big drama, where many people played in it, mastering their own character deeply. Just like common drama, my life sometimes so full of happiness but often comes problems with it.

    It hasn’t been long since I realize my life is just another part of small chapter in a big drama played, realizing that each people in my life actually know what’s right for them and what’s not, but hey they also got family, so they can’t just rely on the true fact, some of them pretend they know nothing and keep on standing in the shadow area. Well can’t blame them, each human has the right to choose where they should stand, and standing on your family’s side wasn’t a bad option to chose.

    Knowing this fact make me become a wiser person, I don’t judge person directly now, I tried to understand things from many sides. Well I started to think this is life when you’re alive, it’s just picking the most important thing for you and ignorance to others.

    Well not all people consider that in their life meaning, but that’s what I got by analyzing my surroundings. I do understand it, but I can’t stand if those drama player in my life insult part of my family, sorry to say my parents and brothers are two things most valued by me in my life. I won’t hold my self back if they got insulted.

    So My Life when I’m alive is to see my family happy, that’s more than enough. It motivated me so much to become a better person, a person strong enough to defend my family from all bad things that could happen to them.

    I feel disgust when I see oThers cry out loud when they loose someone whom they ignore when he was alive. What’s the use to cherish life of those whom no longer live?

    They appreciate life when you’re gone more than life when you’re alive?

    It’s just so darn ridiculous, can’t stand with how they act and react. Knowing that fact really disgust me.. but I choose to watch them from a distance BUt close enough, just like I’m watching a big drama played and me as one of their loyal audience.