Found this on Facebook, wanted to share The Bro Code is a living document - manifest in its 83 amendments - and as such is not yet publicly available in an unabridged volume. The original document is housed in a non-disclosed location, two stories beneath sea level in a vacuum-sealed bulletproof chamber. Re-printed here is a sampling of some of her articles. Learn. Live. Enjoy. ARTICLE 1: Bros before hoes. I cannot stress this enough. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone. ARTICLE 2: Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK. ARTICLE 3: If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time: A. Was an ex-girlfriend. B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her. C. Is you're buddy's sister. However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come. ARTICLE 4: Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game. Just leave it alone, it's kinder to pick on them for a dead relative. ARTICLE 5: You must never own a cat. ARTICLE 6: If you get 2 tickets to the big game/gig/event, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows: 1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them). 2. Your acquaintances. 3. Your co-workers. 4. The mailman. 5. The UPS guy. 6. NASA. 7. John Kerry. ....1,485,726. Your girlfriend. ARTICLE 7: You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, we're already too late. ARTICLE 8: Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift. ARTICLE 9: If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. ARTICLE 10: There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc. ARTICLE 11: If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately. ARTICLE 12: Standard shotgun rules are as follows. A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car. B. Shotgun must be called outside. C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes. D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride. ARTICLE 13: NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don't need to wear her like a ****ing trophy. ARTICLE 14: It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games." ARTICLE 15: Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares. ARTICLE 17: When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick. ARTICLE 18: Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches. ARTICLE 19: Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it. ARTICLE 20: Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable dicks since they've gone out with someone. ARTICLE 21 Bros will not be assumed to be exclusive unless each has explicitly granted the other exclusive Bro rights. If a Bro is not exclusive then a Bro may have more than one Bro. However, upon becoming exclusive, said Bro must break any Bro ties with all other Bros. ARTICLE 26: "A bro will, in a timely manner, alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight." A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, fiber optics, the Broney express, and postcards. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged, and in some cases, required. Please refer to the Brobligation rubric as elucidated in AMENDMENT 83: "The REALLY hot sister and other hump trumps." * SEE ZaBroder film ARTICLE 27 If a Bro catches another Bro in plagiarism - albeit awesome plagiarism - a Bro shall be required to ask the Bro to cite his source. ARTICLE 37 If one Bro calls another Bro a douche then said naming must be confirmed by another Bro even if the third Bro is a chick. This naming only requires a "second" by any Bro and does not require a majority vote by all Bros involved. ARTICLE 40 Love thy neigh-bro ARTICLE 50 The bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering. See also quid pro bro ARTICLE 56: A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it’s cool. ARTICLE 57: A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro / chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio. ARTICLE 58: If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro’s girlfriend’s birthday and / or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless whether he thinks his Bro already knows. ARTICLE 59: One Bro makes a solo chick attack. A second Bro provides a crutch. A third Bro rounds out the pack. But a fourth Bro is one too much. ARTICLE 60: Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother. ARTICLE 61: A Bro shall honor his father and mother. ARTICLE 62: In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome. ARTICLE 63: In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no. ARTICLE 64: A Bro much provide his bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro’s favorite sports team in a playoff scenario. ARTICLE 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits. ARTICLE 66: If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed. ARTICLE 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool. ARTICLE 68: If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country. ARTICLE 77: "A Bro never cries." ARTICLE 80 When in a slap bet thy bro must always obey the rules of the slap bet. If caught cheating in a slap bet the selected slap bet coordinator must rule the consequences of how many more slaps must be given to thy cheater ARTICLE 87: "A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes' "
I wrote this today and just thought it'd be a nice blog entry. I know there might not be any such word as paramoral but if there isnt...dibbs Alternative channels i have sought to allow my mind to be at ease. A fruitless search it was to find one as knowledgeable as thee. Ill Fate has dealt me a cruel blow to be forever confined in this repeated cycle of paramoral dysfunction. My heart stays bound by the lengthy trammels of her hair. My mind powerless to find an escape from this maze where all exits lead to the beginning and the callously alluring scent calls me in my sleep. My affliction i no longer label as infatuation. It is beyond that. could this be, by some crude and lustful definition, the meaning of love? But how to contain such a lioness who is bound by no pride save her own. Whose sweet cries of my destruction draw me ever nearer to my end. Still i do not fear. I see hope where others see despair and light where darkness prevails, but yet here i sit immortalizing my affection and awaiting my inevitable doom.
Ive just finished my first year of college and am gearing up for what i hope will be a good break and lots of writing. im hoping to get my novel started this month after nearly a year of planning and changing, im finally happy. In the last few weeks ive been trying to get my life in order, i got a new place which is great and close to school, i keep telling myself that i finally got over the girl i liked. denial is a bad thing i hate it. i told you that story so i could tell you this one. writing has been in my blood for a long time now and lately ive only been able to write when im depressed or not in the best of moods never when im happy or anything like that, i have no idea why. maybe its because i need to get something out or something like that, maybe. i know alot of people who aren't into writing but really leave fire on the paper when down. this connection is weird, why dont we write on a normal day, do we have to feel something to write? it's bothering me and is disconcerting because i dont think im going to be unhappy this holiday and i need to write. its twisted and might seem so silly. ive been awake for far too long and had too much coffee...
Well the whole of today I’ve been thinking about my character the hitman and with every minute he becomes realer to me. Maybe it’s because I watched Hitman but I now find myself searching for answers to long asked questions. Like what is his motive for killing people, is it because he enjoys it, because he was brought up like 47. I struggle to find a legitimately genuine reason for him to kill others but its constantly bashing me against the wall. I’m frustrated. The last few hours I spent thinking about the women in my life and what they mean to me. Actually the last part came to me now. Maybe the reason I can’t connect fully with anyone is because I subconsciously enjoy being unhappy? It sounds weird but you know it could be true, the thing that always blocks me from making that extra step, from making that extra remark that’ll get me to become fully committed to someone. I don’t think I’m afraid of commitment because I have no trouble committing myself to other things in my life. Like my hockey. I love my hockey to death and almost lost my father’s favor over it. I was so in love with it. Maybe I’m like Romeo, I am in love with the concept of love but it’s a masked invader consistently blocking any logical decision I try to make… The days are dark and the nights are long for me. As I sit here listening to Radiohead I always tend to assess myself and wonder dude where are you headed? Will you be that moderately successful adult you always dream about or will you end up a struggling professional who hides behind his writing as an excuse for his failures? The truth is that I don’t know, and I don’t think that anyone knows. I’m so caught up in this illusion of reality that everyone attempts to follow that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I have no sense of what’s attainable and what’s impossible. As I listen to clocks by Coldplay I drift back into the green rosy fields of my piss poor conception of reality, life, love and relationships. Only when I look out my window and see the beautifully green trees and volumetric clouds do I get a glimpse of the fragile peace inside me which then hits the floor with a resounding crash of metal and glass as an accident happens just below me…peopIe are always dying around me…I hate my life...I feel like the grim reaper follows me everywhere. I imagine my shadow and the mr. reaper discussing which person near me to off next over an impossibly large espresso. Comedy and death…geez
okay firstly my real name is tino and he is dead, metaphorically. anyway this past few weeks i have felt my personality change alot. i used to be this reserved guy who enjoyed life and just went about his business but now i cant see anything positive about this world. think of me as an wodden scaffold that has been weakened by the rain of lies and the rot of distrust. people keep piling up on top of me until about a week ago i snapped...and went nuclear. all of a sudden ive become this pessimistic evil grin dude. i cannot see the benefit in any situation anymore. my optimism was crushed by all the bad things that keep happening to me. recently a close friend of mine died of cancer and that was unbearably painful, my personal life is a shambles, my landlord has issued me an eviction notice that i should get out because i questioned the water bill and to make it worse i am not writing. i am so bemused by the situation that sometimes i just laugh at myself and really lose it. all sanity goes flying out the window and i become paranoid. i dont know maybe it's just rotten luck...a small part of me wants to believe that this is all going to be over soon but the large part of me says f**k it nothing's going change. and the worst thing is i feel like i deserve it. ive discovered a side of me which i have never known and it kinda feels like i died
i was recently reminded by an unforeseen traumatic event that some day we all must die. it's a sad thing to think you know that someday you'll think your last thoughts and breathe your last breathe, knowing that even as you are reading this blog post you will get closer and closer to that day. a friend of mine was diagnosed with Mesothelioma, a rare form of cancer that results from excessive exposure to asbestos. In this disease, malignant cells develop in the mesothelium, a protective lining that covers most of the body's internal organs. Its most common site is the pleura (outer lining of the lungs and chest cavity), but it may also occur in the peritoneum (the lining of the abdominal cavity) or the pericardium (a sac that surrounds the heart). he has the heart one when we were back home he was a big construction junkie, i mean he'd go all out, on site, in room, the works. he was studying to be an architect and was freakishly good at it. now he's got this Mesothelioma. the doctors say things dont look too good, that there's a slight chance but ive watched enough medical dramas and been to enough waiting rooms to know that this is a death sentence. he's been going for chemo and everything and it's not seeming to work out. he's already resigned and is now accepting the idea of dying. the guy's only 25 and he's already staring down his grave. he also decided to write his own epitaph. i keep wanting to reassure him that everything's gonna be alright but it really isnt and he makes it worse by joking about it. i dont know what to do. even though everything is so messed up i still have that inkling of hope, a little part of me is still clinging onto him and wont let go. what should i say to him?
firstly i am by no means perfect. i am just a normal human being like everyone else. just had to say that:redface: anyway so today was supposed to be the day that i asked the girl that i liked out to lunch and as these things always have a habit of biting me in the ass it did just that. i was there ready and poised, the conversation was good and everything was perfect...until he came. he calls himself Delicious, dont know where that came from but anyway, this guy arrives on the scene and all her attention just shifts in the other direction. we were sort of seated from left to right with "delicious" on the far right, the girl i like (lets call her keira) sitting in the centre and me talking into her back while she giggled at everything he said. so ol' ''delicious" starts showing off pics of his girlfriend and im a bit more at ease thinking keira's done herself in but to the contrary she almost drools over the screen. i got up and went to the toilet. splashed water on my face before i said something i'd have regretted. my friend asked me if i had feelings for her and i kept quiet. is it normal to feel jealous like this even though you're not actually ''with'' someone and how do i fix it because these feelings aren't going away they get stronger every time i try to ask her out. right now i am unsure whether she likes me or whether she's just toying with me. is it advisable to ask one of her close friends to do a reconnaissance mission for me behind enemy lines or should i confront her myself? is this normal behavior or am i just over-reacting?
Okay there's one thing that i've always wondered about the age thing with women. How important is age when she's looking for a guy? i have spent the better part of my teenage years being attracted to girls my own age, dont know why anyway. ever since i was 13 or 14 i noted that girls my age tend to go for guys older than themselves. i was metaphorically at the bottom of the food chain. so i told myself, "Okay, i'll wait." until i was 18 when finally the younger girls<who i didnt like compared to the one my own age> seemed to take an interest in me. but as soon as i turned 18 i was shipped away to college where once again<you guessed it> i am at the bottom. it irritates me. this anomaly, if i can call it that, got me thinking. which brings me back to my original question. How important is it to a girl that a guy be older than her? i know that girls mature faster than guys but that cant be helped because as adults we're basically on the same page now. i think. i don't know. i just needed to say that...whew...i need a rock to climb under.
The end of 2007 saw a number of spectacular games send the year off in style, which were mainly aimed at the next generation consoles. I have been in plenty of arguments over XBOX vs PS but people always seem to neglect the power of the PC. I have recently played CRYSIS, CALL OF DUTY 4, GRAW 1&2, RAINBOW 6 VEGAS and WORLD IN CONFLICT, and it seems to me that the current set of next-gen consoles are at the moment on par if not below the PC. With PS3 already having frame rate problems with games such as HEAVENLY SWORD, it raises eyebrows as to how much the thing can handle. For me the PS3 will be surpassed by PC within a matter of months and Sony will have a real problem on their hands. As for XBOX their multi player system is amazing but i have no conclusive evidence over which one holds more users online, XBOX or PC; so in that regard they are somewhat similar to me. Graphically speaking the 360 is on more or less the same level as PS3, but you must consider the release date of 360 being 2005, so for it to be on par with PS3 is something. the next XBOX is going to be something so Sony are in a bother. Now the PC, its power varies from user to user and is constantly upgradable so as far as this argument goes PC wins hands down, its graphically superior by far. it is with a heavy heart that i have substituted my PS2 console for a PC. Even though the PC might be the gaming centre of the future it will not be able to match the experience of sitting hours on end in front of a TV watching your third person character run around solving puzzles and pummelling bad guys or going online and delivering the business end of your weapons to players globally. In 2008 the argument shouldn't be whether PS3 or XBOX is better, but when the CONSOLES will be able to compete on an equal front with the PC.
This is going to be my first and hopefully not last blog post. At the moment there seems to be one thing that bothers me about relationships between men and women...why do the nice guys never win? This is not only a movie conception but a reality for many guys out there. How many movies have you seen where there's a girl who has her perfectly nice guy who doesn't drink, is committed, works hard and all of that stuff, only to run away with the rogue ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and showed up a week earlier leaving the "nice guy" stranded at the alter or something to that drastic effect. In truth i believe that women do not really want the nice guy but actually want the naughty, daring, risk-taking type, the only reason they don't regularly say so is to adhere to social norms and aim to attain things which are expected of them by others. In essence this sub-conscious desire is flattened by other people's perception of said female. Now this is not to say that there are not girls out there who want the nice guy, I'm sure there are but they are becoming extinct with every passing month. As a nice guy myself i have been screwed over so many times by man eating females that i wonder whether all the flowers sent to her workplace, spontaneous confessions of love and generally being the best i can is enough. Rather than wallow in self pity i would like to do something about it. A friend of mine used to be in the same boat and has since re-created himself and seems happy. He conceived that since the girls like bad guys he would become one of them, in my opinion it worked. He started from the bottom just generally showing not a care in the world for anyone, he became the proverbial "prick", but as much as girls hated him they wanted him even more, thinking "Oh i can change him" which was bull****. He would feign change just to get her into the sack, and then leave her heartbroken the next morning. I should've been unhappy but i wasn't. This went on for about a year. I never hang out with my friend anymore and don't know he's getting on, he would be pleased to know that i'm still getting screwed over, again and again, and would probably preach to me the way of the prick; but i doubt he's a happy guy, i wouldn't be happy....So if there's anyone out there who can tell me why girls don't like nice guys that'd be much appreciated.