Third entry in like what, a week? I'm sorry.
Yesterday evening, I went to the gym. First time, spent about an hour. Felt great afterwards. Like I was finally on track. Ate healthy all day, walked for about three hours total (if we're including back and forth from campus - half an hour each way - and walking my dog) and just generally had a good first day of my summer.
Today, I went to therapy. First time for that too. They set me up with a PTSD specialist. She seemed to know what she was talking about. Can't say I'm exactly looking forward to next week's session, but I'm interested to see if it's going to work out.
Problem is, I came out and didn't particularly feel like going back to the gym today. I ended up having a pretty bad lunch. Looks like I'm starting again tomorrow with the weight loss.
I just need to push myself, but I can't find the willpower. In other (better) news, I've edited my novel up to chapter fifteen and I'll do that tomorrow. Oh, and I'll go back to the gym. For definite. If I go early, I can get that done and get some writing finished before breakfast. Then I've got my whole day to... well, sit around and do nothing, I guess.
Maybe I'll save the gym for later on.
So today is, as they say, the first day of the rest of my life. I physically shuddered while writing that line, but all cringing aside, this is where I start making a better life for myself.
I just came out of my last exam for this year, meaning my first year of university is now completely over and done with. I went in with a "as long as I pass" kind of attitude, and I came out thinking "well, at least I did what I could". It wasn't my best run, but all I need is a 40%. My takeaway from this is that I just have to put a little more work in next year. But isn't that the whole point of a fresh start? You lookat where you're failing, and you get better. I think, at the very least, I've scraped a pass, so for now I don't need to worry about school for about three and a half months.
In other news: I'm on my way to the gym now to sign up for a membership (the cheapest one available, of course). I just need to get my grubby trainers out the bottom of the cupboard and promise myself that I'll use my time wisely. I'm thinking three or four times a week is a good way to go, but for the first couple of weeks it's going to be absolutely-whenever-i-can-get-there.
Later on, I've got chapter thirteen of Hide to edit, and a whole lot of food shopping to do. Today is going to be a productive day.
I just need to force myself away from the canteen macaroni cheese.
So I've got a lot to get done. My first year of university is over, and after an exam this coming Monday I've got 12 weeks before I need to go back. That's 12 weeks with no schoolwork, no distractions. And I'm going to be using that time to fix myself up a little. I've been trying to get myself sorted for a while now - a year and a half, really - but I can't stay motivated. So my thinking is that if I document progress here, I'll be motivated to keep going with it. The idea of this prologue is to essentially record where I'm at now, and by the end of that 12 weeks who knows, things could be a lot better. So, this is where I'm at now.
I put on a lot of weight after breaking up with my girlfriend at the beginning of last year. Anyone who's heard about this before will know that the relationship was violent and difficult to escape and that it affected me and still does in a lot of ways that (see below) also need fixing. But the easiest one (hopefully) to combat is this. I need to lose a lot of weight. Not ridiculous amounts, but enough that I feel healthy and that I don't hate the way I look.
Current progress: 166 pounds. Doesn't seem huge, but it's at the top of the BMI scale (whatever that means) and it's more about shape - I don't necessarily need to eat a whole lot less, but it's things like exercise and eating better.
The second draft of Hide is finished - all it needs is a big, heavy plot edit and then one last brush over for finishing touches. I've put it down for now (in preparation for the exam - priorities, right?) but I'm imagining it'll take most of the summer to finish.
Current progress: I've edited up to chapter 11. There's 32 chapters.
3. Mental Health
I've got an appointment for the day after my exam with a therapist. Only an introductory session, but from there I'll see if the sessions are going to continue. I hope so. The biggest problem I was left with at the beginning of last year was PTSD, only diagnosed in the last three months. Where I thought it was just depression, it turns out the problem goes deeper than that. I thought just knowing that would help, but no good. So we'll see. The main things I need to work on with this are figuring out why it's still affecting me, and working on ways to stop it doing so. Being less angry (there are a couple of times I've lashed out - not physically, but I'm worried that it could turn into that) and living life a little less burdened.
Current progress: nothing. It's messy.
There are a lot of things I need to figure out - where's my future headed? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Am I going to pass the second and third years of my degree? - but this is the main sort of run-down of what I'm going to be trying to fix. If I need to vent about anything in particular, I'll probably throw an entry in for that too. Don't feel any sort of need to read this or keep up with it - if you are, great, and I hope that knowing there's people out there keeping an eye on this will help me out.
Separate names with a comma.