They say the three most stressful things in life are: - getting married - getting divorced - moving home If I ever were to get married, I'm lucky in a sense because I'm an event planner by trade so I've all ready done a few of these. I imagine my own would be more stressful but I figure I can illiminate a lot of it just by routine. If I were to get married I certainly wouldn't want to think about getting divorced. I'll just hope that never happens. Which leaves me with moving home. September 2020: my boyfriend and I find the perfect house and the rollercoaster begins. My boss said "you know it's one of the most stressful things you can do" "Pah" I scoffed, "so far so good" Oh how naive I was. You see, I got all that paper work in pretty sharpish, I like being organised and know where I'm at but that was where the stress started. I didn't realise just how long I would be waiting for everyone else to be ready. Months of endless waiting and there was nothing I could do about it. It started taking over my every waking thought, I started wondering what worst possible senario could be happening. "There is literally nothing to worry about" my boyfriend would say. "We don't know that!" I'd snap back. Then I realised something. It wasn't the house purchase in itself (well it was but it was a specific part) I'm just not good with stress I can do nothing about. I never get stressed about work deadlines or organising things. Anything I have control of, I can smash it out of the park. I wish I knew before this process just how awful the feeling of waiting for such a lifechanging thing would be. Note to self: chain free properties only from now on. Today I have my contract and my boyfriend and I move in on the 12th. A learning curve for me it has been and now I get to do all the bits I can be excited about: sorting bill transfers, packing, buying furniture... the control freak in me is happy once again.
I recently posted on here with the first part of the first chapter of a novel I had started. The idea had been bouncing around my head for a number of years. Last week, I popped outside of work for a cigarette and whilst I was smoking, I realised something. It was crap. Not the idea, I still loved that, but the beginning. SPAG feedback aside, the other comments I had received really didn't capture what I was trying to create so I started rethinking. I feel I am still in research phase and the more I've done the more it seems to be coming together. I want to tell the story I want to and the reader will be more likely to 'get it' I always felt my novel would tell a mood, my first draft of a chapter doesn't show this. I know I have given myself a difficult challenge with what I want to write, an unreliable narrator with a pretty bleak theme. Though I still think the more I learn and write and change and adapt as the story unfolds, the better chance I have of pulling it off. Onwards and upwards I guess.
Recently, I have logged back into this after 8 years and had a bit of a cringe when I looked at the blog entries I made when I was 21. From what I can update from those: 1. I did get that degree and made a career with it! 2. That boyfriend I mentioned is no more (no sad tale to tell, just the boy I was with at 21 so the chances of that lasting were slim to none anyway ha!) though I am now in the house buying process with my boyfriend now. 3. I'm still pretty pessimistic but now I like to make sure I give a good wack at things I want to do which is why I have come back here because despite writing pretty much all of my life, I never really gave it a proper go. Why not use a community of people who can tell me where I can improve right? (Also gives me something to do whilst my boyfriend is taking up my whole front room playing D&D online with his friends) I guess that is pretty much everything I've done in 8 years summed up in not so many words.
This week ive been focusing on a positive attitude. Thinking possitively really does get you more motivated. Ive actually been doing uni work instead of leaving it untill last minute and ive been thinking about what i could write! ive decided im going to tweak past ideas and make them more into a story, I usually get my ideas from intresting dreams I have and change them to make them flow better. Dreams are such a fantastic thing to get ideas from because your unconscious mind just flows! Im going to develo previous ideas Ive had in the past and create something with a little more depth to it! Ive had a few ideas of what I can add to them but of course I have to concentrate on this uni work most importantly! I never used to write plans for my work either but recently I have been, I guess it helps the flow a little but I do find myself changing the plan more than the actual story, I am hopeless at planning! oh well, you can only improve the more you do something.
Basically, im going to babble on for a bit as to why ive decided to join this site despite not actually have written much in a good couple of years. I'm hoping i can regain my love for writing as well as giving me something to do on those lazy days I find myself having more and more of. I seem to of gotten myself into a bit of a rut and have become goalless as to what i want to achieve in life. My plans over the last year included: work hard in uni - fail. actually finish something im writing - fail. become somewhat less of a pessimist - fail. Ive come to the conclusion that I dont actually do much these days, my sense of achievement is limited to completing the current book im reading or listening to my boyfriends achievements which are definitely a lot more than mine. Im hoping by getting back into writing i can give myself a bit of a boost and have something to be a bit more proud of. The things I enjoy writing mostly consist of horror and the weird, im not very girly and the vast majority of my writing rarely have a happy ending. I would absolutely love feedback to anything I write, how can i improve without constructive criticism right?
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