Hey guys hows it going? I'm trying to remember to come on everyday and at least check and see if any of my old friends are getting on. As I can see most of them, at least the really good one, aren't getting on anymore. Today I'm kinda in a random thought writing so I'm probably going to ramble. So I was kinda thinking about my situation with Amanda today, I know none of you will get this because Amanda is a rather new development, a part of me wants her to move out of state so I can get over it easier. A bigger part of me doesn't want her to leave because I still want it to work. I just don't know if I should just try sooner to get her back so just in case she decides to move I'll at least have had a chance to make it better. I know I still love her and I'm pretty sure a part of me always will, but I just don't think she really ever did love me. She acted like she did and she said she did, but she told me that she never did and as much as I want to say that she was lying, I don't like I can. All this aside I still feel like I owe it to myself to try and make it better and be happy with her again. I'm always making other people happy, not really ever myself. Like college, I'm going to UNO and it's because my parents want me too. What I want to be I don't need schooling. I can do it now and I can do it well. I'm always trying so hard to make my parents proud even when I'm not happy doing it. I think that this time I need to follow what is going to make me happy and at least try to make it right. What do you guys think?
So it's been forever since I've been on here... I'm going to be completely honest I came back because I'm horribly depressed and I needed something to occupy my time. Hopefully this does the trick.
With your smell on my pillows With your clothes on the floor You got a smile on you lips You know I adore The what you know exactly What I'm gunna do Before I even think it! Before I even think it (sustain note) Chorus: The sounds we made When we know we're on top of the world The way we take Everything for granted The way I love you (sustain) (And I know you love me too) The smell is in my sheets But your clothes are all gone I got a tear in my eye Because of this song It makes me think of The good times that we shared 'Cause I still remember 'Cause I still remember (sustain) Chorus 2 The sound we made Whne we were on top of the world The way we took Everything for granted The way I still love you (sustain) (And I hope you love me too) Repeat Chorus 2
Hey guys sorry to have been gone for so long. I missed you all and I will assume that at least one person missed me here. Anyways lets give some updates. Schools out for the summer, for me at least. Which means some good and some bad things are going on. We'll go into the good first. Obviously NO MORE SCHOOL! That one probably could have been unsaid but nonetheless. Tanner can't mess with me anymore, which is good because I would have sent him to the hospital if he called me, hmm how can I say this, a worse word for a gay man again. I'm making some money. I'm pretty sure I have a girl friend now too, her name is Greer. Now the not so good: I have to work for that money I mentioned. I don't see my friends as much anymore. I don't have a laptop anymore so I don't get online as much as before. I missed you guys and I hope I can start talking to you all again. Until next time, live long and prosper. (hehehe)
SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even tell you how much my day sucked teh nuts. First off, Reileigh apparently is SUPER sick, she's been sick for a week now. Which sucks because I'm worried. Secondly, Shailana is now going out with John. Which in and of itself isn't too bad. But, it still sucks because I think I still like her. Also one of the reasons she said she didn't want to go out with me is because she didn't want to date until she was out of Highschool. So obviously that wasn't true. Anyways enough about my problems. Currently Listening To: That Girl's A Straight Up Hustler - All Time Low
Was okay. Just so all of you know the reason I haven't been on as much is because this site got blocked at my school and I can't get on very often or for long at home. Anyways, Sarah's little sister Reileigh apparently has a huge crush on me. For the record she is a freshman. Sarah told me she only likes me as friends, after I took her out a few times. So, she's trying to set me up with her little sister... I don't know what to do though now. I asked Reileigh out and she is apparently dating my friend Mike. Who knew? BUt, now she's all confused because she doesn't know who to be with. I'm confused as to what to think also, because I don't want to take her away from Mike, not my intention AT ALL. Mike seems not to care that much and that's making Reiliegh angry. I told her to stay with Mike if that makes her happy, but if she thinks it isn't working out or they break-up to remember that I'll be there. Is that the right thing to do? I don't know, anyone want to help me out here. What would you do and do you think what I did is okay? HELP! (Please)
Hey guys, I'm back, I hope. Anyways, wats up? So prom is tomorrow but I'm not going . Sarah already had a date, for some reason she forgot about ti when I asked her though . So that sucks. I haven't really done anything the past few weeks. My B-day came and past, I got some cool stuff. Still haven't got to see Watchman . Anyways glad to be back and I hope I won't forget my password again. :/
It was okay, I went to FNM wet 0-3 which is pretty fail. It's fun just playing and being there though. As per the date with Sarah. Didn't happen, her Dad in his infinite wisdom has decided that I am to young for her. BTW we are both 17 years of age. So instead I walked to her house, asked for her, btw her Dad answered the door . We went on a walk, ha eat that Sarah's Dad! So I did ask her to prom, and she was all like maybe so... Currently Listening to: Earthquake - Family Force Five Hey Girl - Dashboard Confessional
First I would like to apologize to everyone that cares, I haven't been on the forum for about 5 days now. My blog or even the lounge, or anything. Though I doubt you people missed me too much, if at all. So my spring break has been pretty awesome. My birthday was Monday, I turned 17. So now I can go see rated R films! My date with Sarah didn't end up working out because she had to work. Which was pretty sad for me but, I had my buddies Fuzz (that's his nickname, his real name is Josh) and Scott over and we played some Halo 3 and COD 4 on X-box Live for my birthday. That was fun. Tuesday I went to my buddy Dan's and spent the night there because we were going to go golfing Wednesday. We stayed up late watching Family Guy and playing N64 Mortal Combat. BTW Raiden in that game is so cheap! Wednesday, me Dan, Andrew, Josh (different Josh, not Fuzz), Zach, and Ty. Went and played golf. I owned there faces, I shot a 39 and the closest to my score was Dan, he shot like a 52. Today, was by far the best day though. I called Sarah and she isn't working tomorrow so we are going to see Watchmen at 6:15 at AMC. Currently Listening to: Carry This Picture - Dashboard Confessional
Yesterday and today were both pretty awesome. I went to the tournament and went 2-2-0 and I played 2 people I just absolutely couldn't beat so I maximized my potential. Today I just sat around watched basketball, slept, wrote, listened to music, and in general lounged. I have to wake up at 5 in the morning for a job interview tomorrow though .
Well, it was good. I went to game club and played video games with my nerd friends. Which was pretty cool. That was about it though. Um.... I will end with some song lyrics, this particular song I listen to when I feel sad. I swear that you don't have to go I thought we could wait for the fireworks I thought we could wait for the snow To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt I thought I could live in your arms And spend every moment I had with you Stay up all night with the stars Confess all the faith that I had in you To late, I'm sure and lonely Another night, another dream wasted on you Just be here now against me You know the words so sing along for me baby For heaven's sake I know you're sorry But you won't stop crying This anniversary may never be the same Inside I hope you know I'm dying With my heart beside me In shattered pieces that may never be replaced And if I died right now you'd never be the same I thought with a month of apart Together would find us an opening And moonlight would provide the spark And that I would stumble across the key Or break down the door to your heart Forever could see us not you and me And you'd help me out of the dark And I'd give my heart as an offering And I will always remember you as you are right now to me And I will always remember now Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side How does he feel, how does he kiss How does he taste while he's on your lips I can't forget you I know you want me to want you I want to But I can't forgive you So when this is over don't blow your composure baby I can't forgive you I know you want me to want you I want to Three CHeers for Five Years - Mayday Parade I suggest you look these guys u, like everything by them is good.
My last blog entry I didn't explain what it was. Whoops... It was a short story that just kinda came to me, because it was something I actually had to do. I have to make myself call her. It's kinda like an argument with myself. None of the talking parts really happened or anything though. Just wanted to know what you guys thought, I think I'm going to expand on it when I have the time.
All you have to do is pick up the phone and dial the numbers ad push send. Actually all you have to do is hold 6 that's her speed dial. Damn it, why can't you just pick up the damn phone, what are you a wuss? Ok, I'm going to pick up the phone and call her. I reached for the phone. Slowly I brought it to my ear and held the #6, it's ringing. Oh sweet Jesus I'm doing it, I'm calling her. RING, RING, why hasn't she picked up? She must be ignoring me, I knew it, I knew it. She hates me, damn it. Why do I keep doing this to myself. I hung up in the middle of the third ring. Damn it, what are you a pansy? Next thing you know your going to be to afraid to go to the bathroom because you'll be afraid the thing won't accept your piss. Come on let it ring all the way this time and if she doesn't pick up leave her a goddamn message. Ok, if she doesn't answer I'll just leave a short message. Nothing long and creepy, short and sweet. Like, "Hey it's Taylor call me back, bye." Nothing complicated. No I can't she hates me, she didn't pick up last time. Come on, she doesn't hate you. She said yes to the movie didn't she? Now come on call her, she'll pick up. God, if your listening please, please let her pick up, this is torture. If you truly love me you'll have her pick the the damn phone. Oops, sorry about that god slip of my mind's tongue. Damn, I can't even pray right. How am I supposed to talk to Sarah? I'm getting prayer-tied. What if I get tongue-tied in the middle of the call? I'll look like a damn fool, a stupid goddamn fool. Call her, come on what could happen? Only two possibilities she doesn't pick up, or she does. Not so bad right? Now call her. I brought the phone up again, well actually it never left my ear, I was hoping she would call me while I argued with myself. I held 6 again and sweet Jesus she picked up! "Hey Sarah, just want to know if like around noon was cool to pick you up? I mean only if you still want to go," Damn it why did I say that that sounds so stupid! "I mean, um." Man I'm so bad at this. "Yah, noon sounds great. So how was your day?" Wow she is so much better at this than I am. "Not so great I spent all day wrestling with the idea to call you..." **** did I really just say that out loud? "I mean fine,you know school sucked." Maybe she didn't hear me. "You did, why would you do that?" Damn she heard and know she wants to know why. ****! "Umm, no reason I don't even know why I said that. So how was your day?" Woo, maybe I can change the subject. "Don't dodge the question, why would you have to think about calling me?" Damn she is to smart. "Ummm, I have to go, my Mom is calling me, Bye" I hung up. Damn it now I'm going to be in trouble, I just hung up on her. You really did it this time Taylor. Nice job. RING, RING, I looked at the phone. **** it's Sarah, what am I going to do? Answer it you idiot, you can say that you pushed the button on accident. "Hello?" "Taylor, did you just hang up on me?" ****, she knows! "No, I accidentaly hit the button," maybe I should just tell her the truth... "The reason I had to think about calling you was because I was nervous. I really like you Sarah and I don't want to mess it up because I'm an idiot." "Ahhhh, that's sweet, you don't have to worry about being nervous I am too. Well anyways now my Mom is calling me, for real. See yah Saturday at noon." CLICK Oh my god, she is nervous too. God, she was nervous too!
Not bad, not good, just okay. I got to school at like 8, which is when school starts btw. I wanted to get there early to talk to Sarah but obviously that didn't happen. I haven't finished my programming project that was due like last quarter. I wasn't able to sign up for my AP exams because I couldn't get together 180 dollars. Yah, I didn't figure I would but it was worth a shot. I went to Demolay tonight which was very informative. I didn't know a lot of the stuff we did was so regulated. Mostly because it seems like most of the people in my chapter think it's a joke, which is . I literally had my earphones in a least one ear all day except during the Demolay meeting and during my shower. Which means my ears hurt quite a bit. Currently Listening to: Everything is Alright - Motion City Soundtrack
As my day was uneventful and I couldn't think of anything else to blog about, I think I shall give you some words that I try to live by. NOt necessarily awe inspiring things just words that I take into account before i do something stupid or I wake up in the morning. Some are from famous people and some from myself try and figure out which are which. Some of these may have been said in previous blogs or comments. If a man asks 100 people to go out with him and 99 say no, a normal man will sit and wonder why the 99 wouldn't date him. A wise man will only concern himself with the one who said 'yes'. Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me. The problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. You cannot please everyone all of the time, but you can please those you care about by being happy. Everyday wasted, is a day wasted indeed, thing is when you think about it was this day really a complete waste? So, people I ask you will you take these quotes to heart as I have tried, or will you keep living your life as you did when you woke up this morning? I'm not asking for a complete change of you or anyone I just want to show you that you can always better yourself no matter how perfect or terrible you are. So, until next time. Currently listening to: The Fortunate - Cartel