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  1. "You've never played a videogame?"
    "Well, I played Pong once or twice in the early eighties." Ezekiel replied thoughtfully.
    I raised my eyebrows. "So you've never played a videogame."
    He shrugged.
    "How do you live?" I cried.
    "I don't." He replied curtly. "I believe we've been over this."
    I sat on the bed. "I meant metaphorically."
    "I do not, nor have I ever had a desire to play one of your videogames. You may continue playing with your little toys, while I find other ways of entertaining myself." He waved me away. "Trust me, I will survive."
    "You sound just like my mother."
    He scowled. "Show me this game."
    I switched on the console, and started up God Of War. "We could start with a kiddie game, but I figured this would be more to your taste."
    He watched the opening cinematic without a sound, and when it was over, he continued to watch the main character being attacked by zombies.
    Puzzled, he asked "Why is he doing nothing?"
    "Now is when you play."
    "Ah." He picked up the controller awkwardly.
    "Just mash square."
    "I'm sorry?"
    "Press it repeatedly."
    He proceeded to do so, and was extremely satisfied with the result.
    "Try pressing circle." I suggested.
    He looked down at the controller and followed my advice, then watched the screen in silence. "Did that little man just tear that creature in half?"
    "Why yes Zeke,” I grinned. “Yes he did."
    "How marvelous!"
  2. “Okay,” I shout over the cacophony. “Is everybody settled?”
    “Hey,” Brass interjects. “Explain this circuitry stuff to me again.”
    “Oh darling,” Adrina says to herself, touting around my room in my formal wear. “How sweet of you to ask! It's from Milan, of course.”
    “Florence,” I correct.
    “It's all the same, dear,” the magician's assistant dismisses.
    “So...” Captain John Goodwin drones.
    “Busy.” I tell him. “And put that cigarette out. I don't want any trouble with Residence and Housing.”
    Edward the automaton has discovered my ukulele, and has it resting on his shoulder as he plucks at the strings.
    “Oh Ed,” I laugh. “No no, it's not like a violin. Here lemme show you.”
    Obediently, the automaton offers it to me.
    “Elizabeth,” Ezekiel begins.
    “One sec,” I tell him.
    I hold the instrument pressed against my stomach, playing chords idly as I explain to Edward, “It's not a melody instrument. You play chords on it, like this. Give it a try,” I offer it to him once more.
    “Thank you, Ms. Elizabeth,” Edward says graciously. He takes it up once more, filling the room with odd sounding chords.
    Jonathan Cain snaps his fingers. “I have an idea for a trick.”
    I light up. “Yeah?”
    “If I-”
    “ITS BROKEN.” Brass announces.
    “WHAT?” I cry. “My phone!”
    “Don't worry, I got it.” She reassures me. “Honey, I can fix anything.” The mechanic pauses for a moment. “Except maybe this.”
    I sigh.
    “This is marvellous.” Victoria comments, staring at the desk lamp through my cellophane diffraction glasses. “This is because the atoms are excited?”
    “Yeah.” I confirm. “The colours you see are specific wavelengths corresponding to the specific energy levels-”
    “Elizabeth,” Ezekiel starts.
    “Let me tell you about-”
    “I eat chilli peppers.” Goodwin interrupts.
    I stare at him. “... Do you?”
    The pirate captain meets my gaze intently. “Yeah.”
    “... whole?”
    “.... I see.”
    “These problems are disgustingly trivial.” Laurelai informs me from the back of the room.
    “You don't have to do them,” I tell her. “I'd actually rather you didn't.”
    “It's better than talking to these madmen.”
    I laugh. “I love talking to these madmen... and women.”
    Adrina puts a hand on my shoulder. “Ms. Roy, may I ask you a question?”
    “Go for it,” I reply.
    “Where do you keep your jewelry?”
    “Uh... right over...” I scramble onto the bed and reach for my nightstand. “Here.” I hand her my jewelry bag. “Knock yourself out.”
    “Much obliged,” she tells me.
    “Also,” Goodwin interjects. “Sky kraken.”
    “Charlie? What's wrong with your tea?”
    Jeremiah Charles looks up from his teacup at me with skepticism.
    “It's apple tea.” I explain. “Like hot apple juice, but spiced. You'll like it, trust me.”
    The mute man shrugs and brings the cup to his lips.
    I whirl around to face the vampire behind me. “Yes, Ezekiel?”
    “Sit.” He commands.
    I sit.
    “Pick up the pencil.”
    I comply.
    “Now then,” He leans down beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “The year was 1512, and I'd decided I wanted to see the new world...”

    ... with my imaginary friends. :3
  3. The Fox and the Chicken

    The chicken, being weary of teasing from her fellows as the most gullible of creatures, one day sought company of the fox, as he was known as the cleverest of beasts. The chicken found her way to the fox's den, and knocked upon the entrance. Presently, the fox came to answer.
    "Oh wise fox," said the chicken, "I have been tormented by my fellows for my stupidity. I have come to you to ask you how you became so clever."
    "It is not without reason you are named the most dull witted of beasts," the fox said, and promptly devoured the chicken.

    Moral: You can't fix stupid.