I have always wondered one thing about women – how they walk on high heels. It’s quite a mystery to me. If a hot chick wearing a tight dress and high heels walks past me, I will say ‘Oh yeah!’, but I will also be thinking ‘How the hell is she walking in that thing?’ I mean, her toes are nearly touching the ground but the back of the foot is 6 inches in the air. Given the human anatomy and geometry mathematics, she should be standing inclined at an angle of 70 degrees to the ground; but she is not. So I thought I will dig deeper and find the explanation to this.
Now, the 21st century way, what do we do whenever we have a doubt – we Google! So did I. And I came across a website [link] which was completely dedicated for high heels. This site had an article which actually teaches women to wear high heels. And at one point, in the beginning, this is what the article said: “You may wonder how women can walk in such high heels, or if you are experienced at wearing 2 or 3 inch heel shoes, you may wonder how it is possible to achieve that extra inch or two. But through correct practice, experience and dedication it is possible.”
I have heard that with proper dedication, we can quit smoking , become a good basketball player, pass all the exams in the first attempt, last more than five minutes during sex, but learning to walk on high heels was new to me. So I decided to try it out. And what do we need for that – high heels.
I hit the ladies store, the farthest one from the city and my home, the next day to get a pair. The lady at the counter was surprised to find a male customer visiting her shop. I smiled at her and went right inside to the high heels section. I took out a red pair just in time to be interrupted by the sales girl. Here’s how the conversation went:
Girl: Hello sir, how may I help you?
Me: Well, I am looking for high heels shoes for me.
Girl [confused]: Sorry?
Me: Oh no, for my girl friend actually. I want to surprise her for her birthday.
Girl: Oh. What size do you want sir?
Me: Well, you can measure it according to my feet. We both have the same size.
Girl: And what size are you?
Me: I am a 10. Can I have them in red please? [I have always found ‘The Devil wears Prada’ poster quite sexy]
Girl goes over, takes a red pair and brings it to me.
Me: Do you mind if I try them on?
And I tried them on, sitting down on the chair. It was hard squeezing my toes as these shoes converge into a triangle at the place where your toes are supposed to fit in. And finally it did fit. And I got them and left the store, embarrassed and leaving the girls chuckling behind me. And there I was ready to experiment and find an explanation to the question that guys have been wondering for ages – ‘How the hell is she walking on that thing?’
Now, the site I was telling you about has got top 10 methods for learning to walk in high heels. I decided to try each one of them. Let’s go one by one, shall we?
Method 1. Wear your heels in a sitting position and around the home first. After a period of time they will become comfortable and you will probably forget you are even wearing them.
Effect: I did. I wore them sitting down and then rested for a while. The step said that after a while I will get comfortable. Well, it’s a complete lie. I was sitting there for around ten minutes, but all I could think of was ‘Man, I have got a girl’s shoes in my legs and it is f***ing hurting my toes.
Method 2. Try standing in front of a mirror and walking in a straight line placing one foot in front of the other. Walk away from the mirror and check the motion of your legs and body as you walk towards the mirror.
Effect: I did. Somehow after tolerating all the pain, I finally managed to stand up. I looked into the mirror and found myself wearing high heels and believe me, it was not appealing. All I can say is that it has ruined the fantasy that I had had for chicks in high heels. And trying to take two steps was harder than learning to walk when I was a kid.
Method 3. Try wearing high heel shoes outdoors in the garden or even to the local shops. Wearing these on both soft and hard surfaces will give you a greater understanding of how the shoe will react and respond.
Effect: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I didn’t like myself when I saw me wearing heels and you want me to wear them to the local market? Have you gone out of your mind? I decided not to, but outdoors was fine. So I waited till everybody slept. And when the clock struck 3 am, I got out of my apartment with my high heels hidden in a bag and went to the garden to try it out. I made sure that no one was around and wore them sitting down. Now, the tough part was to stand up. I would advice you to find a tree, sit near it and then take its support to do so. And the trick here is not to place the weight on the heel of the shoe, especially when walking on grass. For me the ground was wet which was concealed by the grass and the heel went right into the mud; lesson learned the hard way.
Method 4. When wearing medium height heel shoes try to walk placing the heel on the floor first with less pressure, placing more of your weight on the front of your foot, you will be walking more light footed almost as if you have a 'spring in your step’.
Effect: I did. I placed all the pressure on the front of my foot, so much that I fell down and broke my arm. Don’t worry, the heels are still safe.
Method 5. If you wish to try walking in a pair of high heels and cannot afford a pair, try to borrow some from a friend. Ensure that they are the correct size, incorrectly sized heels will cause discomfort and lead to misleading effects when walking.
Effect: Yeah right! Now I have to borrow one from my friend and let the whole world know what I am doing. You think I am crazy?
Method 6. Choose wide high heel and wide toe shoes that feel comfortable and easy to walk in. Pick a style and heel that fits your requirements and taste, and not necessary the current fashion trend as the fashion is always changing, although the heel height may not.
Effect: You know, I have already bought my high heels. You should have told this to me before I got them. And I need this just to experiment. I am not going to add this to my wardrobe.
Method 7. Sitting with your feet on tiptoes with your heel highly raised from the ground will train your foot and ankle to be more accustomed to the right angle for wearing high heels; this will also make the high heel shoe feel more comfortable.
Effect: I did. I actually overdid this step, even while sitting at the office that I now find it hard to go back to my natural stand. Do you have any method to revert back this change? Do let me know.
Method 8. Try walking up and down stairs and laying out items on the floor and stepping over them, if possible hold a handrail for balance. You can also try standing on one foot whilst watching television or performing another task. This will help you to learn further balance and prepare you more for walking outdoors.
Effect: Lucky for me that people in Singapore use the lifts in the building rather than the stairs. So the trick here is to go to the highest floor of the apartment [chances are very less that people will climb all the stairs till the highest floor] and choose 3 am, the safest time of the night. I sat on the stairs and wore my high heels. By now, my toes have gone numb and gotten used to the shoes. I stood up holding the railing. One step and that was it – a broken hip.
Method 9. It is not advisable to remove your heels and walk bare foot whilst you are out, there is a risk you may step on something sharp or someone may stand on your toe with their heel, especially in a busy nightclub. If your feet become tired try sitting down for a while and removing your heels.
Effect: See, I wear heels only at 3 am. I will follow your advice of removing the heels, but in a nightclub? Why the hell would I wear heels to a nightclub? If I am at a nightclub wearing heels and want to approach a lady, what would be my pickup line – “Hey, I see there you have got heels, but they are not as long as mine?” You really think she would like that?
Method 10. Finally, practice makes perfect. You may have to wear heels to the shops or to work many times before they start to feel natural.
Effect: Let’s be clear on one thing. I am not wearing heels to work. This is one place where I get paid for doing something, I don’t want to ruin that by wearing heels. And they do NOT feel natural!
A broken arm, a broken hip, few little bruises, numb-dead toes and a big hole in my pocket – these were all that took me to realize that maybe the human feet is designed differently for men and women and that some things are better left unexplained. So I gave up the hope of finding the mysteries of high heels. Period.
Airplane toilets – always a mystery but quite an amusing thing. Yes, you read it right. In this blog, we are going to venture into the dark secrets of airplane lavatories. Yes, I like to touch the sensitive or gross topics once in a while with my blog. So continue reading at your own risks. Put a clipper on your nose if the smell is too hard for you.
I like airplane rides. I like the part specially when we are in the air and the plane no longer tries to achieve altitude, a place when you are totally in the air defying gravity and showing your middle finger to Newton. And then the beautiful air-hostess passes by, smiles at you and hands you a beer, you feel like Caligula! And then the movie screen goes on and you start watching it. And then after sometime, having had all the beers, you feel to pee. You go to the airplane toilet and do your thing. And then when you push the flush button, all you hear is a ‘Swooooosh’. Amazing, isn’t it? I mean there is no water [maybe there is a little bit], but it’s mainly air; suction at its best.
Given my thirst and quest for knowledge, I look down the hole and asked “Wow, how did you do that?” But the toilet is not going to answer that, right? So I look down deep to find nothing but darkness. So I flushed once more, just for fun. And I am not proud of it, but I actually took a flight home once instead of the train just to push the flight flush button, play with the tissues and see one of technologies greatest miracles. The first time I did that I thought that the airplane toilet actually flushes everything out right into the sky and the shit gets lost somewhere among the clouds. And then I started thinking more. Have you ever felt like a tiny drop fall on your face when you are walking on the streets on a bright sunny day? There you go – I thought I found answer to one of nature’s mysteries.
Turns out, I was wrong. Damn Google and Wikipedia! Did you know that there is a complete page on Wikipedia about Airplane Lavatory? I didn’t want to know that the wastes are collected, separated and treated in a specially devised tank system. I would rather prefer believing that they get lost somewhere among the clouds and once in a while a tiny drop gets away and lands on someone’s face; one of life’s unpredictable uncertainties.
But if you want to know, here is how it works. When you flush, it opens a valve in the sewer line and the vacuum in the line sucks the content out of the bowl and into the tank. The flush actually works in two stages, first a small quantity of water is released and then a powerful vacuum is activated for around three seconds. There is no visible result, only a scary vacuum noise and then, everything is still. But come to think of it, this tank where everything goes in must be an amazing thing. I mean there is a lot of air going in there and it should be smart enough so as not to let anything out, isn’t it? Man, the pressure on this thing is huge, more than the pressure I am getting from my parents to get married.
And did you know that the early toilets in the airplanes were simple buckets? I tried Googling, but I couldn’t find how they worked with that and I didn’t want to explore more because I didn’t want to end up in links which gives graphical evidences. A man’s got to eat sometime you know. But it must be freaking funny using buckets. Oh God, I don’t even want to imagine how the situation would be like. What if the passengers had to bring their own buckets? Imagine one guy forgets to bring one and he asks his co-passenger, “Bro, can I borrow your bucket? I need to make number two.” And the other guy replies, “Sure bro, here, take it. But never return it back. Ever.”
Oh man, this is why I love the stone age.
But as much as I like it, I still have this apprehension when it comes to flying. You might think it is stupid, but I think it is quite logical. Well, it’s nothing too serious, but sometimes I feel what would happen if the plane ran out of fuel. I know that they fill the tank before the flight but hypothetically what would happen if the plane actually ran out of fuel? It would stop in mid air and would fall like you see in the cartoon right? How would it be if you were sitting on the airplane toilet at that time? Whoops!
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