This is the illusion of moderates and centrists. They pride themselves on their balanced views. And with even less humility they distance themselves from strong opinions. Some are chasing the ever elusive perfect opinion. Even if its full of hedging and "On the other hand" s. Own a few facts and that will massage their ego even further. Like the Pharisee in the Gospel "Praise the Lord for enlightened people like me. "
The seventies and eightees. My two older brothers were right into it. One an owner/driver, the other a standardbred stud owner. The rest of us came along for the ride. Attending meetings, visiting the stud, watching the horse being trained and following the progress of mostly slow horses.I actually bought one and had it trained by my brother. A short career mostly finishing last or near last. There was one horse that my brother trained that did quite well. The exception to the rule. She won over 20 races in the country and city. Kept us all entertained for a few years. It was a real passion for my brothers. They were ethical. They never cheated. Thinking about that now I am quite proud of them. The only thing i regret is that their passion distracted me. I should have focussed on my own. Music and guitar for one. And a more ruthless search for religious truth perhaps? Oh well it wasnt all bad. Going to a country race meeting was kind of fun really. I have a strong memory of mouth-watering steak sandwiches with a can of beer. Even if i was losing on the punt.
Yeah we are one day ahead of Planet America. Sorry that is not meant to be derogatory. There is a TV program in Australia called Planet America. A weekly which monitors American politics. Cant say I watch because I suspect the presenters are left leaning Liberals. A day is so short. How can I make today unique? Am I just repeating the same tired prejudices and negative reruns in my head? Would be nice if I had a fresh insight. A positive one preferably. That sees more hope in the future. As you age, your past gets longer as your future gets shorter. My perspective is totally different now to when I was say 30. When you are young you are forced to have some ambitious dreams about career. Even if they are utopian and unsuited to your personality and skill set. Your body is restless for a physical and mental challenge. A day off work might see you get bored. I think boredom was a bigger factor when I was that age. Then I would be tempted to follow the demon drink path or flee to the nearest slot machine club. Now I at least don't need those things. Boredom is hardly ever a factor. Fear of old age is now my main concern. As Im sure it is for many. Try not to think about being elderly and losing independence. But the day flies so fast now, I never get bored. Always something to read or write or watch. Im feeling my education has improved in the last few years. But I have a long way to go. But yeah . How can I make today unique? Because for many of us the days blur and life feels meaningless. Take a different route for your dog walk. Drive a different way to work. Try a new exercise to stimulate new blood flow from a different muscle. Challenge the assumptions you make about life, politics and other people. Renew. Keep an open mind. But as one Pope said in as many words, 'don't let your mind be too open."
If ever there was a complex topic beyond my comprehension, it is climate change. Since mainstream are expressing the urgency of addressing it, I tell myself I should get informed. Don't want to be placed in that group of fossils who think we should rely on fossils for energy instead of renewables. Ive just watched Climate Change 101 by Bill Nye. Maybe I should watch it again. It didn't really grab me. Arent there more urgent issues to worry about in the world? Like human rights abuse in countries such as North Korea. Poverty even in first world countries. Terrorism. I haven't given up. I will have another go. Doesn't seem to be any simple answers/solutions though. The cost of renewables is a concern in our country. No one seems to have the perfect plan to transition them in, without prohibitive cost.
You feel like an outsider? Not part of the mainstream? Maybe something makes you feel like you don't belong. Let me guess. Gayness? Lack of financial success? Lack of career? Male and don't feel masculine? Female and don't feel feminine? Still single. No kids? You feel like a science nerd with no emotional intelligence? You are not very intellectual? You are ashamed of your dysfunctional family? Your politics is in the minority...….the list goes on. I can identify with a number of those including no kids. But maybe we can all feel like outsiders at one stage of our lives. I have a profoundly deaf sibling. Disabled. Bet he feels like an outsider. He once said "you hearing people have no idea". He's right. We have no idea what it is like to be deaf. What makes us unique has the potential to make us feel alienated. I have a soft voice. I suffered lack of authority as a teacher because of it. Im not saying "poor me" but I might be saying "poor us." We all have something that will make us feel different to mainstream. There is the aspect of wanting to be an outsider too. Making us look cool. Saying I like new wave jazz could make me feel superior. Even if real music buffs know it doesn't matter what music you like. It was cool to say you were into Buddhism back in High School. It seemed that you were more sophisticated, more aware, more broad-minded. yet most of us were boring old Christians. Or even duller lapsed Catholics. I don't think we should be too proud of our unique way of thinking or eccentric hobby. We need to be brought down to earth and realise we can be just as predictable and the same as everyone else. Its ok to be mainstream is probably what I want to say.
Just want to get a few things down here. Post argument with older sibling. I tried to be honest in communication with him but now wonder if it has backfired. At least I didn't just remain silent and pretend everything he says to me is perfectly reasonable and his way of saying it respectful. He was definitely offended. It might be interpreted as payback for all those years of me playing the quiet compliant listener. I didn't use expletives but certainly used strong language. Interestingly he said I sounded like Trump. Which is kind of amusing in a way. Further obsessed musings about Jordan P. He might lack compassion you know. Though part of me thinks that unfair. He certainly is familiar with some suffering himself. But I wonder if he had radically different circumstances, would he change some of his perspectives? There is a kindness in him which perhaps he is denying and unwilling to show the world. Doesn't want to appear weak? I met an old guy on the weekend who runs bushwalking retreats using Ignatian spirituality (the exercises) He is 78! Gotta admire his zest for life. Don't think we will become best buddies but he just might open up my world a little. I am reading a book now called Good Friday People. By a woman doctor who was in Chile during the Pinochet dictatorship. She was tortured but survived. She later ran hospices in England. I didn't expect it to be so powerful but the woman is quite a writer. With lots of not only Biblical quotes but also extracts from poets such as T S Elliot. Its quite graphic in some parts. But I think it justified to wake us up. Otherwise we dont realise the level of suffering people undergo. I want to read more of her books. She is underrated in my view.
Im trying to understand this guy because I think it is worth the effort. But what are the best books to read up on him? The best YouTube clips seem to be from Academy of Ideas , Alan Watts and Peterson. This clip is one of my favourite from Alan Watts.
Generic Christian Doctor Patient D: So how long have you had relativism? P: Well your question depends on which context.It could be 3 years. It could be much longer. D: What symptoms do have now? P: Thats a loaded question. My symptoms vary from day to day. What are the symptoms of relativism anyway? D: Runny nose, loss of stability in knees, dislocation of faith, inflammation of the objective truth joints, swelling of the ego, delusions of spiritual independance........that will do for now.. P: I see Well my joints have felt sore recently and my faith is not as strong as it used to be.. ... .. what treatment do you recommend? D: I can put you in a Catholic straight jacket for 6 months . Or would you prefer a Protestant plaster cast? P: Is there a third option? D: Hell
Imagine a neurotic Christian too afraid to meditate. Afraid he is not respecting God by meditating. Fearful he might be actually praying to the wrong God. Scared that he might be diluting his own faith by using a technique from an exotic religion. that he might catch that dreaded disease called Relativism. Look out, you might get...….Relativism!! Problem with formulaic Christian praying is it can be robotic. Meanwhile the mind is somewhere else, thinking about what you need to get at the Supermarket or how bad the traffic will be. Ive been lectured by very serious conservative Christians that Buddhism "empties the mind and lets Satan in." Guess I never recovered from that warning. I need to get into Christian Contemplative prayer I know. Which is a kind of compromise. Still this offshoot of Christianity cops a lot of flak from hardcore Christians. You might have heard of Mother Anjelica. A nun who used to preach against the evils of such blasphemy!
That is something I never mastered. I tended to repeat the same mistake. And still do. I admire people who learn quickly from their mistakes. They have the ability to see themselves and their mistake objectively. They discern the better course of action, or best. They see the error, fix it and move on. They grow and mature fast.
Here's one definition from the net. "the rejection of all religious and moral principles, in the belief that life is meaningless" Whew!. that means Im not a nihilist. I was worried there for a while. I see myself as a kind of cynical or pessimistic Christian though. Because there is more than one of me. Part of me is the idealistic Christian who believes in hope and happiness in this life and the next. And the duty to be like that for others. But the weak child inside caves into despair and confusion quite often. Just read my blog entries over the last 12 months! Humour might save me. Or it could alienate me too. Im not really sure. God either thinks Im a jerk or a creative comic genius. Im banking on the latter. So yeah, this nihilism business is actually quite serious and important. Another brilliant warning from our modern day prophet Jordan P. I have nihilistic tendencies and of course narcissistic ones too. I need to address those. perhaps by blogging about them. To keep myself in check. .
Let's look at me for instance... I'd like to be on 50 grand a year, not 15 grand. So I can travel. So I can afford a few more luxuries like a gym membership. And my lumbar stenosis gets cured. No pain. That'll do . Just two things. Well the literature ive being reading recently tells me, I will be no happier when I get these things. Might get a bit of a buzz for a while. But the buzz wears off. It will just make me softer and less appreciative. but imagine if my back gets cured. I could start jogging again perhaps. or at least walk long distance at a brisk pace. instead of short distance at a slow pace. My body gets fitter. that extra oxygen would be like a drug, wouldn't it? Yeah but you just set yourself higher goals again. Never ending story. Never satisfied. My back is probably the bigger issue if I look at this. And it must be for the elderly. Once you lose your mobility, its all downhill from there. (forgive the exaggerated humour) Funny thing is. You don't realise how good things are right now. Until things get worse. Suddenly my current dissatisfaction is unjustified. I mean I don't have cancer or MND.(Ive read that Motor Neurone Disease can be one of the most excruciating diseases to get), Im happy enough now to afford complaining. So things must be good.
I don't have all or even any of the answers for you. Im just exploring the topic. Because some of us will react to something strongly whereas another person will be completely immune to it. Taking things personally. Now I have been accused of that. So put me in the oversensitive group for sure. Of course many oversensitive people will object to being called oversensitive. "How dare you call me oversensitive!" he cried Will those who are labelled "insensitive" care being called "insensitive" ? Interesting. maybe they do too. Are we all sensitive about something then? Does everyone have a sore point? Id say they do. While ever we own egos, we will be vulnerable to attack. What about the self-assured confident narcissist? They will simply deflect any criticism you make of them. "no you're wrong. Im not like that." mmm.... or will they? Cant say for sure. Maybe they are good at pretending they don't care. You call me a loser. lets use this example. How do I react? Well part of me will agree with you. But then part of me will judge you, wondering how materialistic you are. that you might base the definition of loser on fame and money and status. Not things I necessarily value. I put my own father on a pedestal now but he was neither rich nor famous. he could smile through adversity. that was enviable too. So when someone uses loaded language like "loser" it will make them vulnerable for attack as well. It will reveal more about them, then the person they are labelling. The third person rule. Treat ourselves as a third person. "Paper was insulted today" instead of "I was insulted today." That is a good one. that works for me. Caring more what God thinks of us than what others think of us. ( had to include the Christian angle ) That one helps me a lot. Most of us having varying degrees of insanity. It is better not to take each other seriously. or too seriously that is. I try to make use my oversensitivity in my writing. I suspect if I had more discipline I might be able to write something marketable. But then I would be caring too much what others think, which is not the best option imo. I gotta go to the vet. bye
P = Patient or Paperbackwriter D= Doctor or Psychologist P: Im fed up with life. I want to exit. D: Can you elaborate on that? P: Im useless. D: And? P: Im not useful to society. D: What makes you say that? P: Every job I do I fail. Im incompetent. D: Are you sure about that? lets look at those jobs . Tell me about the last one. P: I was a high needs carer. I couldn't master the mechanics of the hydraulic lift. I almost injured them. D: Did you seek more guidance? We all make mistakes you know. P: Yes and they were very critical of my performance. D: What did they say exactly? P: "Paper, you mightn't be cut out for this. You don't seem to have the knack." D: And your feeling about that? P: I agreed with them but I was still offended. D: Well hang on now. Maybe you are useful to society in a different way. What about your family? Do you have kids? P: No I don't. D: Wife? P: Yes. She's financially independent thank God. D: Does she need you emotionally? psychologically? P: Maybe. Not sure really. I think she could cope quite well without me. D: Any pets? P: Yes a dog. D: Don't you think he'll miss you if you exit prematurely? P: He might for a day or two. I think if he sees a grief counsellor he'll get over it. Do you counsel dogs by the way? D: Well I do like dogs. Would you like to book an appointment for him? P: Hang on. Im not sure when Im exiting exactly. its better you see him after Im dead. D: It might be better I see him before you exit, so I get to know him better. P: That sounds sensible.
Its fun when you are young at college and "on the way up". You know you dont have to do it for long. You bring some energy to the job. Its all pretty slapstick. you make mistakes . who cares. Its not like you are seeking to become a Maccas Manager. Your dreams are much higher than that. The problem is when you have to do it for a long time. When you realise that your mental health is not stable enough for the responsibility of a higher status job. People will look up to you for good decision making but because you never overcame panic and pressure, (real or imagined) you know you are doing everyone a favour by not taking on a leadership position. ( in my case elementary school teacher). There must be a lot of people in my position. Overeducated doing an entry level job. In my case cleaning. i think they call it janitorial work in America. Stress occurs when your boss is half your age and eager to establish their authority over you. Even they might know little or nothing about the job. Who needs knowledge and skill to be a cleaning boss I hear you say. Well youd be surprised. A person doesnt automatically get my respect if they are my boss. Of course if they are micro managers I will have to fake it. Fake civility and politeness. When I know my job inside out and a new young manager suddenly finds fault with what I am doing it will be a stressful time for me. And possibly them. So my advice to you is.....address those mental health issues when you are young. Dont let it get in the way of a better career and quality of life. When i was young it was not common to see a "shrink" or counsellor for that matter. Get a good one too.