Breaking The Talking Habit

Nah, let us have it with both barrels! One thousand words a day should be your goal. That's only two pages!

I try my best to remind myself if and when I'm talking too much. I don't mean that I reveal too much information, but rather that silence often makes me uncomfortable and so I look for something to say or talk about. You know you're in good company when both of you aren't saying anything and it still feels okay.

I had to train myself to listen more and ask more questions. In high-school I went on a "vow of silence" if a mostly hyperbolic stretching of the phrase can be excused. I was quite depressed at the time, bitter and jaded. One thing that that helped me realize is that a lot of other people needed somebody who they could talk to without being interrupted. Without intending to I became a confidant and learned a great deal about others. People needed to vent. I realized just how difficult it is to find somebody who won't cut you off if your sentence goes on for longer than 5 seconds; usually the only person I could find was myself, but that doesn't do you much good when you're your own worst enemy.

As you can tell though, even now I'm longwinded in casual conversation. This comment is longer than your blog post. I suppose it is in my nature. Maybe I get it from my father who will talk your ear off. Some people also mistakenly believe that I'm self-centered because I tend to talk about myself and relate conversation to myself, but it is only in an innocent effort to relate. Again, I have to remember to ask questions.

Which leads me to the last point. I have a strong urge to want to give people advice on matters. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, but what I've found is that it is better to at least ask the person what they're going to do about "x" first, before offering suggestions. After all, telling them what to do or figuring things out for them doesn't do them a lot of good in the long run.

I wonder, is it something that you have noticed yourself? Or are you unaware that you talk too much unless somebody else says something (like your kids teasing you)?

"More words count less/Hold fast to the center." Tao te Ching, Chapter 5.