But How Does it Relate to Me?

1.

"What's for dinner, Not the Territory?"

"Vegetable burgers. They have chi—"

"I know what's in vegetable burgers!" His voice stretched thin, point of tears and all that.

Spoiler: Ahah!

It's a surreal, illustrative exchange.

I was going to tell him about the vegan recipe the missus and I found in an attempt to save money. We tried it, found it was garbage in every practical sense, then added oil and eggs to make it stellar. Now we mix 24-27 chickpea chorizo burgers at a time. Economical. Delicious. Sometimes we use a different bean, because they're all the same rehydrated starchy mush anyway.

I could have booted up the Empathizer 2000, flick the rocker switches and turn the key like any good enabler: "He thought I was patronizing him about the contents of a store-bought soy burger. Poor guy." That's probably the adult thing to do. He was born five years prior to myself, of course, but most young adults quickly learn age is a number and hardly more. That's a lesson I should have applied. We need to use compassion to read the interaction and find out how to raise each other up, not flounder in the darkness that is low self-esteem.

On the other hand...

2.

He didn't ask me a question about me, or even supper for that matter, which is confusing from a practical perspective. I couldn't get 4½ words into my answer without invalidating him. How can I feel anything other than used?

But that's not fair, Not the Territory, maybe he was just trying to "get to know someone."

"Getting to know someone" as it relates to himself, just like all of those other humans. He's a symbol nymph as are the rest of us, randy for simplistic definition via tertiary elements at best, and looking for an opportunity to exhibit primary definition at worst. The former is: "Ahah, I'm the kind of person who knows a NOUN." The latter is "If I convince this person (especially a younger one, that should be easy) I am a NOUN, then I am a NOUN, just like on TV."

He was chasing the latter, of course, and I ruthlessly aborted the attempt.

3.

If this only happened once, and strictly with regard to the culinary, then there would be no reason for a blog post. It would be a localized problem. Maybe his mother yelled at him for not knowing what goes in a hot dog. But it obviously isn't. This was a weekly, even semi-weekly dance. There's a larger manifested problem, which is likely a lack of pursuit, a pursuit of anything at all. Our minds do not forgive those who've done little work, especially when the low-work perp is that bastard in the mirror.

I don't mean work in the modern sense, like a job, though it could be. I mean work in any internally meaningful sense. The work that reflects on the individual, makes him grow through challenge adaptation etc... It's tricky because the individual has to seek it out, question himself and only himself if he's doing enough. That itself is hard. It's why we fall back on persuasion, comparison, definition from dissimilar peers (oxymoronic tandem, I know).

It's not isolated to him, he's just overt with his reaction. Humans are experts on being threatened. They have many ways of keeping score.

4.

The solution? Not very good, but it's the best I've got right now.

"What's for dinner, Not the Territory?"

"I don't know. How about yourself?"