Chudz Blog 4

Chudz Blog: (Entry 4) Beer Quest – Part 2

(The Scene: Several hours have passed, during which time Chudz and company have brainstormed their way to a rather intricate plan, officially known as “Operation Get Beer”. Unofficially, it has “without getting shot-up by some psycho *Beep*” tacked onto the end of it. The sky has started to darken, and they’re now crouched on top of the tower, waiting for the pizza delivery guy (AKA – The Decoy) to show up. Mr. B. and Chudz are both wearing flight helmets; Mr. B. has his beanie resting on top of his.)

Mr. B. scans the area through night vision binoculars, keeping a lookout for both Goldilocks and the pizza guy.

Chudz is under a poncho, rechecking their route on the map with a penlight.

CB is listening to “The End”, by The Doors, on his integrated MP3 player.

Mr. B. catches sight of the pizza guy’s Geo Metro, rolling along the main road, about half a kilometer away. Mr. B. gives the agreed upon signal, or at least his modified version of it, and whaps Chudz in the head while he’s still under the poncho.

Chudz says (Muffled): Hey! Watch it you big galoot!

Chudz takes off the poncho, glares angrily at Mr. B., and gives CB a thumbs-up.

CB transforms into a Bell UH-1C Huey, his music now blaring out of the chopper’s speakers. “This is the end, my only friend. . . .”

Chudz hops on board and straps himself into the co-pilot’s seat, as the rotor blades whirl overhead.

Mr. B. climbs in, attaches the safety line to his harness, and takes up position as the door gunner. After checking the M60—which is suspended by a bungee cord—he gives a paws-up

CB lifts off of the roof, blades whumping away, as the bewildered pizza guy pulls up below.

Chudz waves to him out the open window.

Chudz says: I love the smell of pizza in the evening.

Mr. B. is scanning—in a rather paranoid fashion—for Goldilocks.

(The Scene: The helicopter has gained altitude and is now flying over Farmer Jenkins’ place, where the shadows pooling around the buildings are growing deeper with the approaching night. Then two things happen near simultaneously, which result in a little mayhem and destruction. In the first, Mr. B. thinks he catches a flash of golden hair near a small, wooden structure below. And in the second, Chudz lets loose several huge farts that reverberate nicely off of his seat.)

Mr. B. thinks Goldilocks has them under fire, and opens up with his M60.

Chudz thinks Mr. B. has spotted something, sees the tracer fire thundering into the building below, and asks CB to start circling.

Mr. B. is grinning like a mad-bear now, thinking he’s got Goldilocks dead to rights.

Farmer Jenkins, dressed in his jammies, comes running out of his home and sees a helicopter destroying his old, empty henhouse.

Farmer Jenkins mumbles: What in tarnation. . . .

Mr. B. runs out of ammo, but the structure is completely destroyed, and flames are starting to spread through it. Then he notices Farmer Jenkins running toward something that is under a tarp, and thinks, Uh Oh!

Farmer Jenkins tears the tarp off the Quad-50, anti-aircraft weapon, and begins swiveling its business end toward the Huey.

Chudz notices what’s going on and his eyes get big as saucers.

Mr. B. says: ROAR!

Chudz starts shouting for CB to perform evasive maneuvers.

(The scene fades as Farmer Jenkins opens up, the four machine gun barrels spitting tracer-laden streams of fifty caliber slugs toward our panicking trio.)