Mushrooms!

This has been edited somewhat, but I posted the earlier version in response to someone who likes mushrooms.



Did you know. . . .

The word "Mushroom" can be unscrambled to form "Rus H. Moom." Coincidentally enough, Rus H. Moom is the name of a not-so-famous inventor of late 19th century Indiana, who was looking into industrial uses for boogers. (Note the similarity in consistency here.) After several failed experiments, one of which escaped and devoured an outlying suburb of Indianapolis, Rus hit on the idea of an alternative food product.

Being the time of history that it was, test marketing revealed that people weren't really too fond of eating boogers, with the exception of the sub six-year-old population, who really didn't have much say when it came to putting food on the table anyway. Further research also revealed that people weren't ready to eat scientifically-manufactured foodstuffs at this point in time either. So Rus went into creative thinking mode. Then it came to him one day after reading a VERY advanced (By 125 years or so) copy of the “Da Vinci Code”.

"A SECRET SOCIETY!" Rus shouted, nearly giving his cat, Matilda, a heart-attack.

Thus was born the "Gufnus Society". The Gufnus society eventually succeeded in genetically combining boogers and the muck that gathers under the fridge to form a stable, plant-like life form. Through their world wide distribution network, Gufnus then covertly placed their creation throughout every forest in the world, birthing a new, and all natural (wink wink, nudge nudge), gastronomical treat, which they called "Mushrooms." With their worldwide distribution network already in place, Gufnus was ready to take advantage of the new culinary craze and reaped multi-million dollar profits by taking advantage of an uninformed public.

Thus, if I were to eat mushrooms, I would be eating really gross stuff and supporting big evil corporations. So, I consider it my civic duty to abstain from these tempting morsels.