Been recovering for the past several days after giving nicotine a try. Went 10 months without it, but hey—reset that clock.
Having been practicing not ruminating, along with a better internal dialogue, I'm not too bummed out about it. Although I'm a bit more preoccupied with the anxiety that's flared up. Yes, you read it right, I am still recovering three DAYS later. Symptoms come and go, sure, but right now I've got quite a tension headache. Also, thought loops and the temptation to think I'm once again goin' crazy!
Well, my attitude toward this is: rather than a total reset, I can really think of it as "I've gone almost a year and only relapsed one time. In just two months from today, that'll be 364 good days since I officially/technically quit." So it could've been worse; could've picked up the habit again, but instead I just feel like absolute shit at the moment.
Now, I'm not sure how long it's going to take to feel normal again. What boggles my mind the most from this experiment is that I am still experiencing physical and psychological effects over 72 hours later. That doesn't seem typical to me... it sounds more like nicotine-abetes. It would be like having a couple beers but being hungover for over three days. Like, that simply isn't normal. So, there is, indeed, something wrong with my body.
Well, I hate being sober, but I do hate this more. So there's that, at least. It seems like my anxiety may be manageable (fortunately) so long as I abstain from nicotine and alcohol, and get some exercise. That's not mentioning a few basic therapy strategies or spiritual faith.
Curious to see how long it takes for me to feel back to normal again. Or, to put it slightly differently, how long before I stop psyching myself out and realize that I am back to normal right now. I mean, scientifically I am sober right now, so whatever I'm experiencing right now—the same shit I've experienced before that made me quit in the first place—is all in my head.
With that in mind, the first step will be to simply stay busy as well as socialize and do things that I like to do. Because right now I think my mind is in somewhat of a feedback loop of scanning itself for danger, but treating the scan as a sign that something must be wrong and to scan for more danger.
It'll tire itself out. Just a matter of time.
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