I kind of understand why, kind of don't.
So I sent my professor an email asking if we could meet for office hours. In sum, I said: "Hi, thanks for the feedback! I understand you don't want me to include novels that aren't from this class. Ultimately, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I guess, in a sort of existential crisis sort of way, I don't really understand what this assignment even is. And I'm starting to get "Vietnam" flashbacks to some of my previous English courses where I honestly don't know what it is that my professors want me to write."
We had to write about trauma using one of the books from class. The one I chose was Forever by Judy Blume.
That's basically all I know. I don't really understand what kind of an assignment that is. I basically argued why Judy Blume doesn't satisfactorily address trauma because there is no growth or triumph.
My professor said that this is "basically what they had argued over a decade ago". Well, I've read their paper (I referenced it in my essay), and it was very good (much better than mine), but I didn't get that from their argument at all... Their argument was that Blume's problem novels don't show its protagonists overcoming their problems, and that that's okay. My fundamental argument, and perhaps I didn't make it clear enough, is that it is problematic.
In another academic paper I referenced (which our professor also gave us), Kidd argues that the problem novel is supposed to inspire "hope", and I don't find anything particularly hopeful about a nihilistic "obliteration" of the bildungsroman, in which it is stylish nowadays to have protagonists who fail and don't change or grow.
Anyway, I'll now attach the essay. I know where to start (by removing any and all references to novels outside the class, which I guess I should've seen coming). But beyond that, I don't really understand why it's a 60%.
At first, I was pretty rattled, pretty annoyed with the grade. But I at least know that if I just rewrite exactly what I have already done, but maybe make my argument more explicit, and remove any and all reference to books other than Forever itself, I'll probably get at least a C.
Whatever. I've basically come to the conclusion that the reason I don't get As on my writing is because I don't want to write what they want me to say. I'm not saying that I am right to believe that; rather, since I never understand what English professors want even after numerous essays, redrafting, meeting for office hours, etc., this is my default assumption.
I simply fail to understand what they want from me, and I'm at the point where I honestly don't give a shit. If I pass with a B, I don't care.
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