I used to say that because faith is irrational, it is wrong. That was very long ago (not as far as time is concerned, nor are those who hold that age is indicative of wisdom, as though the mind matures in proportion to the body.)
More and more I learn that the faithless life is fraught with trials without reprieve. To whom does one turn to for the emotional fulfillment that faith provides? A sympathetic mind may ease our suffering and offer insight on things we cannot see or understand, yet that mind, and all minds, are all equally as enslaved by the pursuit of what lies beyond faith -- meaning -- try as they may to convince you that they've escaped their shackles.
Why am I alive? Faith, I suppose. Faith that death is not my exoneration from responsibility.
Faiths with identity are made up of parts to be reordered and organized into something that suits the individual. My gods are my own, no matter the names others may give them. Will I be recycled into a different life based on how I live this one? Based on how true I am to the Noble Eightfold Path? Is this my one chance to enter the Kingdom of Heaven or be condemned to the depths of Hell? Will all the family I've never met and barely know be waiting for me? Why would they be? Perhaps the life after life is this life repeated eternally. Best make it count, then.
Little more than a fourth through my life and I'm already tired, sore, and contemplating what awaits me on the other side of my lifeless eyes. I suppose it's normal. To this extent? Maybe further to the right on the curve. I should be concerned about the now, about helping those less fortunate than myself, about advocating for a cause and giving up my time for noble efforts. Yet, while I recognize that these things are good, I find little desire to assist in any morally righteous endeavors. Charity. Volunteering. Donation. I don't care. Does this make me evil? Unlikely, as I do not go out of my way to cause harm. I am the neutral -- I won't help you build your sand castle, nor will I stomp it down. Simply leave me be and I will fade to the background with the sound of the ocean.
I will inevitably change. Will I change in the respects mentioned? I am unsure. I have faith that my change will benefit me and those closest to me, though I cannot say how my change might affect others. Perhaps one day I will pick up a torch and champion a cause. Perhaps I will never release myself from the belief that such efforts are ultimately wasted. Such is the consequence of having removed myself from the game of life. I have no horse in this race.
Let chaos reign. I will watch, I will reflect what I see in my words and art, but I will not participate. I have no desire to make a difference; I have every desire to watch and record as differences are made intentionally and unintentionally through the unpredictable storm that is human nature. I have faith that that the world will not disappoint.
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