A Brief History of the Nomiverse

Once there was nothing.

A void.

An expanse empty of all noms.

The only thing that existed was the Great Nomulator. In her hands was the power to fill the void with noms and thus bring the Nomiverse into being.

She did, and it was nomulous.

On the second day of the Nomiverse, the Great Nomulator saw that the Nomiverse was filled with noms, and yet there was no one there to nomulate the noms. The Great Nomulator was saddened by this and decided to create something that might enjoy the nomulation of noms. Thus she created the lesser nomulators (or people in the common tongue.)

On the third day of the Nomiverse, the Great Nomulator went amongst the lesser nomulators to enjoy of their enjoyment. She was shocked to see that all the noms she had brought into being remained unomulated.

“My children,” she asked, “why are the noms untouched?”

“What are noms?” they all asked in unison.

“These,” she indicated to the noms of the earth and the noms of the trees. “These are noms for you to nomulate and enjoy. I made them for you, and you for them.”

“Oh,” replied the lesser nomulators in mild confusion. “No one explained to us the purpose of the noms. We thought they were just decorative.”

“No, no,” said the Great Nomulator. “Nomulate the noms and enjoy, but these nom over here, the ones hanging from that funky lookin’ tree, yeah… don’t nomulate those. Those noms I have called accountabilinoms. They won’t kill you or anything, but they are of a very bitter taste. I still wasn't really in the zone yet when I made those noms. Anyway, once you get that bitter taste of accountibilinom in your mouth, nothing, and I mean nothing, will make the taste go away. So, yeah… don’t nomulate ‘um.”

“Ok,” said the people in unison and they began to nomulate of all the other the noms and the Great Nomulator’s bosom swelled with pride and joy. She was happy to see her children in their enjoyment.

Now, there was one lesser nomulator (by the way, from now on, we shall refer to the lesser nomulators as people because lesser nomulator is getting tedious) who could not help but contemplate the funky lookin’ tree which was fecund with accountabilinoms. Why should all these noms be so good to nomulate and yet not those? He got it into his head that the Great Nomulator was keeping the accountabilinoms to herself because they were her favorite.

“Hey,” said the man to the lady who liked to hang around with him. “I think I’m gonna’ go get me some of those noms over there from that tree. I mean, the Great Nomulator forgot to even tell us that the nomulous noms were for our nomulating pleasure. Can we really trust her?”

“Check it out,” she replied. “You can go over there and nomulate the accountabilinoms all you like, but if you do, you can forget about all this sexiness right here.” She indicated her own comely form. “I heard what the Great Nomulator had to say, and she sounded pretty clear on the subject to me. Leave it to a man to try and read in between the lines. Bye.” She waved good bye and went on her way.

The man continued to stare at the funky tree and decided he would not be put off by words of reason. He went to the funky tree, plucked a nom and popped it into his mouth. Instantly a taste most foul and bitter ran from the tip of his tongue to the back of his throat. He spat out the accountabilinom but this was in vain for the taste did not diminish one bit.

“Help!” he cried out. “Oh Great Nomulator, this taste is so incredibly awful! I cannot believe that such a thing could exist!”

Hearing his cry, the Great Nomulator came down from her place on high and asked, “Goodness, what is the matter?”

“Um…” stammered the man as he worried how the Great Nomulator would take the news just minutes after she told all the people to leave these noms alone. “You see, what had happened was, I was over here, minding my own business and then there was this branch, that I didn’t see on the ground, and I was walking, and I tripped on the branch, and my hand went up and accidentally hit the funky tree, and then…..um….my hand hit one of the accountabilinoms, and it bounced off of the tree trunk and flew into my mouth. Yeah. That’s what happened. Just like that.” He felt very proud of what he thought to be an airtight story. Little did he know that behind him was the lady whom he had previously informed of his intention to nomulate the accountabilinoms.

“Excuse me,” said the lady from behind the man. “Great Nomulator? Yes. Don’t listen to a thing this guy is saying. He told me he was going to go and nomulate those noms not two minutes after you left. He’s full of it, and I’m not talking about noms.”

“Is this true?” asked the Great Nomulator in disbelief.

“Um…. No?” he replied, but there was no resolve in his voice.

“Pfft!” The lady made a rude sound of disgust.

“Come now, tell the truth,” said the Great Nomulator in her kindliest most motherly voice.

“Ok,” said the man in resignation. “I knowingly nomulated the noms.”

“Well,” said the Great Nomulator with a sigh. “I am happy you are being honest with me, but it doesn’t change the fact that the bitter taste in your mouth will remain. There is nothing I can do about it. Not even the Great Nomulator can make the bitter taste of accountabilinoms go away. Sorry.”

“You mean I just have to deal with this taste?”

“Yup. I told ya’. Them’s the breaks, kiddo.”

/nom fable