This is a poem but artistic license is used heavily as it follows no rules of poetry. Understand as well that this is a piece of my reality. It says what I need it to say. I've moved passed this point in my life, but it was a point that needs to be expressed.
She came home again at three in the morning,
sneaking into the house as silent as can be.
I laid awake until then, heart heavy,
chest tight, sleep just out of reach.
She can't even look me in the eye.
Money is spent like water, alcohol flows freely.
I hold onto mine, kept separate and safe.
Lacking a winter coat, wearing sneakers in snow,
unable to buy for fear of not enough food.
A new bottle appears on the fridge, red wine,
anger follows at the question of cost.
Took off my wedding ring for the first time,
more then a decade since it was put on.
Told her that the ring had no meaning.
How could it when she wouldn't put me first?
Her response was to take hers off.
She doesn't want to be alone. She needs her friends.
Friends keep her occupied four nights a week,
passed midnight those nights, when she sneaks.
A night turns into day before she comes home.
I visit a sick father. She goes out again when I return.
I remember a notch in the rafters in the basement.
A hole wide enough to slip a rope through.
I dream about kicking a chair out from under me.
My heart is heavy, and my chest is tight.
I dream about dangling.
It makes no mess.
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