"Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
I took a few days away from the computer and my story to clear my head and decide which was more important to me, hiding to protect my feelings or moving forward with my feelings exposed. I have chosen to move forward. I'll be honest, I'm scared...terrified actually, but I know it must be done, otherwise how will I know. GoldenGhost was right, I don't want to look back with regret wondering "what if” So, I need to do some rethinking. I need to lock that little voice in a closet and train my brain to stand guard. I know this will be a daunting task. It can scream really loud sometimes but let's be honest here; the little voice is just an excuse. An excuse to hide, to never risk anything, to shelter myself, but if I really stop to look at it, break it down and stick it under a microscope, all the little voice has done for me is keep me stagnant. I know I can silence it, if I truly put my mind to it. Looking back, had I let the little voice win I wouldn't be living here in New Zealand with my wonderful new husband and my 4 great step kids. There is reason enough to stick a gag in its mouth and keep on typing.
Life is hard to live, we aren't given crystal balls and I have a bad habit of slipping into the debilitating land of "what if” What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if people think my writing sucks? What I haven't done was use the "what if" to my advantage. What if people love my stories? What if my book sells? What if I succeed? How can I preach to my son to give life a chance, to risk failure in order to attempt success, if I'm too scared to do that same thing? I cannot, so I must put my money where my mouth is - so to speak - and climb out of the negative cocoon I've wrapped myself in, have a good cry, a cup of hot chocolate, and get back to writing. Starting today, I will take life and my writing, one moment at a time.
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