Avoid being wordy!

By Nadala · Sep 9, 2007 · 510 · 4
  1. lets look at being wordy, man I'm addicted to blogging, someone should ban me from it. Anyhow. What is being wordy? look at the sentence below

    Johnny hadn't been a good boy, in fact just this morning he had broken all his toys.

    So what can you see? are there words that don't belong? maybe there is a way to make the sentence flow much better. Such as...

    Johnny had been bad. (you're showing the start of the sentence instantly no dilly dally, shilly shally. It's a fact and is plan as day to see.) just this morning he had broken his toys.

    You don't need words like, such as, in fact and but. These words just drag the sentence out. At times they confuse your reader. When you think you've found a sentence with problems like theses in your work read it aloud to yourself. Even to someone else who may pick up the problems. Sometimes one word can replace two. But don't let it lead to the dreaded adverb. here is an example.

    Sally ran quickly, they were gaining on her.

    Instead of using ran quickly. Find another word. Dashed, sprinted, hurried. They all explain the same scenario in less words and far more effectively.

    Another common mistake is saying dashed Quickly. By dashing we've already established that the character is in a hurry no need for quickly.

    Remember to always reread what you've written and be aware of wordiness and adverbs.

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  1. The Spartan
    I've a nasty feeling it should be, "he had broken all of his toys." to distinguish how many of a set of items he had destroyed.

    I do agree with the use of more emotive word to replace a verb/adverb sequence, and with a general approach to writing of "less is more". However, we should write precisely - for example your primary sentence would make better sense if you'd phrased it:

    "Johnny had never been a good boy, in fact just that morning he had broken all of his toys."

    Now, you do need to phrase it in the longer form, as the two clauses support eachother.

    An awareness of exactly what you need to relay to a reader in a passage should lead to less thought being wasted on exactly how you should say it, as it should flow naturally from narrative intent.
    The Spartan, Sep 9, 2007
  2. Nadala
    Many thanks Spartan perhaps I should have chosen an easier passage as I too am still learning. I just like to share as I learn :-D
    Nadala, Sep 11, 2007
  3. Lemex
    I think this is some very good advice!
    Mabye you should put this into a tutorial for writing thing?
    Just a sigestion... this is really good advice.
    Lemex, Oct 9, 2007
  4. oneleggedpig
    thanks for the advice- good points that i had not considered
    oneleggedpig, Dec 16, 2007
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