Blurbling

By J.D. Ray · Feb 25, 2020 · 674 · 7

Now that I've completed Lives in Time: Part One, I need to package it. One element, of course, will be the blurb. I'll take a stab at it here, and feedback is welcome, particularly from people who haven't read any of the work.

Marko and Celeste are young and in love, with a long, privileged future before them. But when they find themselves thrown back in time with no resources and no idea how to return, they must use their wits while hiding who they are to survive a medieval world and escape to their own time.
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Comments

i'd heartily recommend a book by Adam Croft called "writing killer blurbs and hooks" (there's a course too but get the book first as there's a discount for the course in the back)... the issue with your blurb so far apart from it being too short is that theres no reason to care about them, and it leaves me thinking 'so what'

also blurbs usually start with a hook line

big soft moose, Feb 25, 2020
It needs to mention Tafani, even if indirectly imho. Usually, most blurbs have a second "but/however" to show there are more events or drama than just the standard storyline, even if its just a simple dun dun DUNNN, to highlight there are more twists and turns, its usually far more vague.

.... while hiding who they are to survive a medieval world and escape to their own time. However, unbeknownst to them, a sinister force lurks not far behind, and likes grilled cheese sandwiches yadda yadda yadda."

kinda thing.

Steve Rivers, Feb 26, 2020
Tafani is in Part Two, for which the blurb might say: "They jumped in time again, but not far enough. Now, having secured their family legacy, they are trying to figure out what else they need to do to satisfy the silent old gods, they find themselves being watched. Had someone discovered their secret? Or is it their paranoia? The truth will be more dire than either of them can imagine."

Or something like that, only better written.

J.D. Ray, Feb 26, 2020
I have read very little of your work so I get what you are saying. To me, the blurb is the shop window for your book and it is all that I see.

The first line sounds like it is going to be a romance novel. Is it a romance? If not maybe consider making it far vaguer. After all, Man + Woman = intrigue (we get the picture, no need to draw pictures). Just so you know, if I thought it was a romance I would dismiss it. Although if there were romantic elements that developed in the book that would more than likely be fine.

The second line seems to convey what the story is really about but it doesn't seem edgy enough. So at the moment, it sounds like a romance with a challenge.

Just to add, I think when it comes to blurbs, readers know intuitively what they are looking for. Not just genre and things like that but that age old question, do the MC's get what they want or what they need? As writers, we need to be specific so that we can tune into the reader's intuition. In that regard subtle questions work well.

I think in summary that you should be careful not to preclude markets by inferring romance or a medieval setting at the outset. These are definitive words that convey things that are a matter of taste.

Richach, Feb 27, 2020
I haven't read your excerpts, but here's my stab based on what you put here:

"Marko and Celeste are young and in love, but also out of time. Literally. Thrown back into medieval times, with no resources and no idea how to return, they must hide in an alien world as they struggle to escape to their own time."

GrahamLewis, Feb 27, 2020
Yep, wrestling with that very thing. I'm reading the Adam Croft book suggested above, and it's certainly been worth the $6 fee for entry so far.

The story is really sci-fi adventure with a romance aspect. I'm not talking bodice ripper here, but the MCs are a couple who learn to work together over a very long period of time. He loves her, and is happy to live life (or tries to be) wherever she is, but sees that she's unhappy, so works to get her home so she can be happy. She loves him, and can see his emotional struggles, and works to make him happier. They are both presented with problems to solve, and things go better when they work together to solve them. That sort of thing.

Part One is almost entirely set in the early Renaissance period. I mention "medieval" above because when they first get thrown back in time, they think that's when they are.

Thank you for your suggestions. I'll keep plugging away at it. Maybe in the next day or two I'll come up with a revision.

J.D. Ray, Feb 27, 2020
Oh crap, Graham, that's brilliant. Thank you!

J.D. Ray, Feb 27, 2020

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