brief compendium of me prose

Published by ts735b in the blog ts735b's blog. Views: 155

This paw pa per hank curs the role of due bill agent
ever since ma cerebellum goot bent
boot scalp pulled crenelation no major dent
which hop pinned to be
due to a parallel series an amp pear ohm charged event,
this respondent out of the gainful employment loop,
though a scholar of sorts and a gent
With no intent
to drown you with wordiness meant.


pixar could nada pay enough for this trainer of apple chomping antz
so i wonder if any chance whisker of employment
thru this contrived virtual toy story qua ratatouille poetic brew
could materialize into a likely chance
such an idea generates me to shrek out with excitement and dance
just in case a glimmer of some prospect exists
for this self anointed bard and one who dislikes formality
of belmont hills now presents his technical skills
Which i hopes to enhance
hence this chap offers following poetic expression common in france
to take a glance
to help this intuitive homo sapiens
sharp pen his mental acuity like a lance
which byte size bit torrent humor might cause ye to soil your pants
after misinterpreting this mishmash as some rave and rants
Even part time income would buoy gull sans positive stance
with a subtle intent to place me as worth hiring,
to sway some au currant series electronic charge
and ideally affect hypnotic trance
In effort for consideration to ad-vance!

I betcha never read a pseudo cover letter reply
Like a this iambic pentameter electronic wire
from a boyish looking blood muggle father up in years
(whose nonpareil courage to face voldemort never does tire)
and two grade school girls would consider him a worthy hire
less so to rake in gobs of money, but to satiate this nearly unquenchable hunger and thirst
for further (ahem) bits of computer know how to acquire.

This cover letter of sorts conveys an itty bitty
raw bit size actual work experience
(from this older mister mom who lives west of the philadelphia city)
nonetheless, i hanker (NOT to be confused with HACKER)
which prompts the following ditty
moi computer trouble shooting abilities
Some may ascribe as nitty gritty
on a par with the secret life of one Walter mitty
that destiny protected and took pity
merely meant to be silly
yet also an attempt to be witty.

No matter how many miles by car
(actually your company might be within dead man walking distance)
this opportunity would not be considered to far
Also hoop ping that responding in rhyme being considered nada mar
to use my acumen and interest and technologically spar
using graphical user interface programs
to get unstuck from virtual feathery tar.

Iambic pentameter might not constitute traditional
Standard genre for a debtor
i see no reason with rhyme
Why my own non-conformist modus operandi
cannot serve as me own mode to communicate pursuit
as a computer repair technician go getter
which honest to goodness confession
hopefully affects against other respondents at least a bit better.

This pure breed mud half blood muggle prince
this bona fide seeker for challenging income
Does reckon the following poetic way
not necessarily follows the formalities
To reply as most would readily say
yet why adhere to conformity,
Whereby his paradigm frowns on creative r ray
which atypical modus operandi to reply a positive reply and job i pray
even if the outcome per offering my interest turns out to be nay
perhaps because where mien hometown west of Philadelphia frito lay.

The resume (quite slim as jail grub gruel) may show a dearth
yet decided to resort to verse to induce a byte size mirth
of requisite (sought after) technical expertise,
i do possess the attributes well worth.

If you might just allow me to boast
and blithely use iambic pentameter to coast
maybe even given the opportunity to eradicate
Re: exorcise any binary elusive ghost
and offer bytes of helpful information from this pc host
thus with brio and confidence i respond to your post!

So...without further ado i will slightly brag
to tell of an ability to conduct understand dos
manage common system utilities such as scan disk and defrag
installed, resolved dsl issues, performed
Scan-disk and troubleshooting glitches
such as removal of dos files, installation
And/or removal of hardware
likewise uninstalling software, running registry sweeps
in an attempt to remove bugs and errors
that cause this machine to cough and gag
which invariably causes such processes as downloading,
sending, uploading, et cetera to lag
and if chance smiles on further consideration
Like a happy pup his tail will wag!

Oh...and by the way i would accept a starting
and/or negotiable salary as a starting wage
in an effort to support this self proclaimed sage
whose role can double up as a court jester, joker, or page
hopeful this poetic synopsis offers a favorable gauge
and in tandem enriching my fount of knowledge
more valuable at this advanced age.

Y'all might think this reply balderdash and rot
which may matter bo diddly squat
no matter i herald from royalty with salient strengths
as being a prestigious scott
butta masta harris
Does not smoke booze nor drink from a chamber pot
and a student of the establishment he is not
yet moxie by proxy this poet of belmont hills doth got
and might elicit salient characteristics similar to a humanoid bot
and, oh by the way,
I lived in narberth for some year’s quite alot!

age = 53
chin = e'er sew slightly cleft
ear = two
electronic alias = hay4four at aol dot com
eyes = brown and spaced approximately equidistant from me nib oof a nose
height = about five feet and ten inches
nose = smallish - with both nostrils approximately spaced equally apart
shoe size = 9 depending on the red or white sox market

Now herewith follows some random writing samples for ye to peruse
And rsvp ASAP if a glimmer of positive news
this nebbish follows dee maxim nuttin ventured = no ting chew gain nor lose.

1. Breeched in a berth with miss universe

My name got randomly chosen in an online contest. I would be taking an extended cruise to some unknown tropical island.
Upon locating the suite aboard the ocean liner, my eyes performed a sweeping glance of the quarters.
Ah…just room enough for one to relax!
Upon ready to doze off, the door handle jiggled before a well-chiseled female body builder entered the room. This female version conjured an immediate facsimile of atlas, whose mere shrug could easily cause the earth to rumble!
Impossible not to stare at this marble hued muscular woman whose muscles rippled when she just casually flexed even one pinky!
At once, the notion to close lids suddenly seemed less apropos!
Unsure if this skinny guy would be flicked overboard without even the chance to twitter a SOS!
Despite feeling utterly exhausted from completing a grueling confidential government contractual mission, the aery whim to enjoy luxuriating on the deck of this transoceanic vessel, I tried to keep sleepiness at bay!
Meanwhile angry birds could be heard screeching overhead as if conspiring to undermine any book marked thread to sleep!
Although intimidated before this bronzed beauty queen (whose shadow no doubt weighed more then me), this wiry hot male sauntered over to the bedazzling body builder lest she consider me a yahoo!
With outstretched, hand as an accustomed overture to initiate conversation found fingers nearly crushed by the blithe grip from this iron maiden. She possessed steely strength with barely any effort!
“You must be a fitness buff”, i stated the obvious!
Her feminine response caught me off guard!
“Yes”! Further elaboration took place as camaraderie began to emerge.
“As a scrawny geeky lass” whose gaze immediately turned to my direction “nobody would dare bully a gal able to wrestle a gorilla!
Despite rib cage locked and difficulty to swallow, i managed to wrench words that sounded somewhat bland. “How many years did bench pressing, curling, doing heavy duty lifting occupy your time?”
“As the youngest girl of football sized brothers, the interest at self defense and art of body sculpting arose soon about the same time first steps got taken.”
When nonchalantly blurting out being only eighteen years old, an extreme effort required to keep orbs from popping out of their sockets and jaw from dropping to the floor.
I pretended this bit of information to cause barely a ripple!
While in a momentary trance, this armored Brutus likened golden gal soothed any tension by offering a massage.
A feeble nod of assent accompanied a minor concern that no bone would be left intact!
Once her claw like flanges smoothed out every last kink, I wanted to divorce my wife and marry this marvel of physical prowess ASAP!

2. Hooray for hulk Helen! ™

The wife and i erupted in a most violent verbal altercation!
This epithet filled maelstrom found me pitched on the cold black sidewalk of anytown, USA!
While nursing contusions and bruises, a dark looming shadow appeared from the edge of night.
This young and restless bachelor wannabe felt a tingling sensation of glee (mingled with uneasiness) at what appeared to be a guiding light amidst this anatomically grayish brown approaching silhouette!
Though phantasmagoric and amorphous, an intuition of salvation discerned from the increased proximity between said giantess and myself!
A gentle soothing voice seemed mismatched with such humungous human shape that upon closer inspection conveyed that distinct mien of femininity!
She swung her immense torso and swept this measly dorky dada into her popeye size arms.
I thought, “This must be what damsel in distress feels like”!
Thus fate anointed me as non-virgin olive oyl, who willingly allowed immensely strong bulging mountains of muscle (with veins that seemed swollen with might) to be saved from the evil Brutus!
Without asking, this outsize woman uttered, “You can call me Helen”!
An impulse arose to apply the endearment honey, yet held bound in boa like hold rationale leapt in and thus this feather weight guy blurted out “hone”, which got misinterpreted as home!
She inquired where i lived. Without losing a beat, i made clear “DO NOT TAKE ME BACK TO THAT ABYSMAL WIFE”!
Overtaken with bravado, I now whispered “honey can we elope ASAP”?
She appeared quite flattered at being propositioned by what could easily be confused for a human walking stick figure! No doubt, the automatic clenching of her fist would crush my skeleton instantly turning me into a bag of bones!
Much to my surprise, she exuded unbridled merriment at what appeared as an impulsive pronouncement to marry.
How the fickle finger of destiny can appear farcical.
Despite this ludicrous series of events, we pledged our troth whereby she carried me toward the threshold of excitement.
Abandonment of the first spouse disagrees with a personal philosophy of finalizing unpleasant circumstances, but the terrible swift sword of near civil war between these genteel writers let very little wiggle room for peaceable reconciliation!
Time and again (especially at painfully early hours of any given morning) found mine ambitions on quest for Holy Grail of marital bliss! That maxim whereby when you do not seek that which ye covet arrives unexpectedly seemed to be the case with yours truly and his new found muse, who acted as bodyguard lurching madly whenever her bony fried beau threatened by bullies.
How comical to witness macho men scatter like scared cats when she lumbered with fire in those ruby red eyes!

3. Oh, how I miss me dearly departed rebellious lovely frau angelica i.e. comic sans senora!

A favorite comma cull anecdote often repeated by my late english grammar (a palliative to me psyche despite the multi-generational difference in age) happened when she celebrated fourteen punctual marks whence time in utero came to an end period!
Many question marks still abound as per the specific circumstances of this generally uneventful birth, only that she seemed to dash from the womb (of her mother – mine great grandmother christened Latina Greco) with a pointed exclamation declaration of independence while bodily constitution adorned with supposedly shimmering invisible golden braces and a full set of teeth!
Somewhat averse to authoritarianism and mores of assuming the sir name of the groom, she maintained nom de plume affixed on her birth certificate.
If born that way today, and ready to pledge marital vow, would probably follow the common custom and hyphenate name of beau similar to newlyweds of this day and age.
Back in those days though, town’s folk exclaimed with pointed superstition that a baby born after being bracketed nine months within the womb (which seemed like an eternal sentence), and equipped with the means to chew would most likely experience little colon difficulty!
As a dignified divine dowager, she willingly shared her cradle to graveside tidbits (populated with many wisecracks and marked quotations from a life than spanned more than a century!
Smart as a whip or pin (the latter term somewhat out of vogue), this independent woman (who married into nobility from humble roots) frequently evinced el shaped lips when the unsuspecting recipient ensnared of her harmless ingenious pranks.
Aside from what many considered childlike antics (which characteristic salient trait appealed to this grandson), she excelled at verbal adroitness and could spin a jesting lightly mocking pun, which seemed to quiver with an invisible apostrophe shaped blackened barb.
Though privileged per parochial parents, her inherited empire and peers, the people of the proletariat class felt figuratively parenthetically included as persons of concern to this genteel dame.
She exemplified and wore that moniker noblesse oblige with utmost august excellence, and whenever the need or wont arose to address the madding crowd (this crowned empress) resorted to non-verbal communication ala semaphore.
Her lily-white hands (with only the palms clad in silken gloves) partitioned the air with arabesques accentuated with sign language for those among the teeming masses unable to hear or in fact deaf.
Regular adherence to being grammatically (yet not necessarily politically) correct witnessed the air being sliced with even less familiar punctuation symbols such as the emdash, endash.
Even doctorates of English and strict task masters (whose frowning scowls strongly resembled semicolons when even minor indiscretions, infractions, transgressions, et cetera with english language observed) never found fault with this former bohemian, whose rhapsodic, melodic, linguistic voice ameliorated dark memories from dereliction displayed by former queen!
She also received the treatment of a champion lyricist, whereby every lyre like utterance akin to a choir of angels, yet this chanteuse voice rang thru the azure vault causing the small hairs of the spine to experience a pleasant electric shock!
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