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Dear Identity Politics

Published by Wreybies in the blog Ponderings of a Pachyderm. Views: 190

I know it sucks to break up this way, but I feel like I've spent as much time with you as is healthy for either of us. I'm sure you feel it too. We're together for a few minutes and we get along fine and then we start talking about what we can do for each other and then, quicker than either of us is willing to admit, things become really demanding. And it's so confusing and exhausting because we keep talking in the language of capacity. We use words like "can" and "possible", but I think we can both hear that the tone changes to one of "must" and "imperative".

So, I'm going to go. Go do what you want. Don't wait on my permission or my approval, because you certainly never needed it. I'm going to do the same. If that sounds selfish, maybe it is, but try to remember that I want the same for you. I want you to be you and me to me. That's all.

I don't want to argue with you anymore because it's so pointless. I'm sure you agree there too.

I hope we can stay friends. I hope you don't feel ignored when I don't wait for your nod of approval. Just like you don't wait for mine. I don't need yours, and I shouldn't need yours, and you shouldn't need mine. That need is really unhealthy, don't you think?

I know this feels like it comes out of nowhere because lately we seem to be on the same page, agreeing in a lot of ways, but I'm sure you remember back when we didn't agree and how stressful that was, and I know there will come a time in the future when we don't agree again, and I don't want either of us to have the pressure of feeling like we need to be in lockstep. It's okay for us not to be. It really is.

I'm old enough to know what I want and pretty secure and okay in who I am. I hope you are too.

All the best,

  • Iain Aschendale
  • KaTrian
  • Wreybies
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