dec 10

I'm in a better financial place than I was when I wrote my last entry, because I caved for the first time and asked my grandma to send me 250 to help pay rent. It's not of her own money - I have a reserve of $2,000 that I got from my great-grandma's will that my grandma is holding onto for me (now a reserve of $1,750), so it's still mine, and I'm not being a financial burden on her or anyone else in my family, but still. I was a mixture of really grateful and embarrassed asking for it, even though it's my own money.

But I'm in a better financial place, and I had my last official day of classes today. All I have to do for the semester now is write script pages by Tuesday and take my last final Thursday and then no school til January 25. I'm also getting a nice fat paycheck tomorrow (495!!!!) which will put me at a better place in my savings (more if you count the reserve). I moved Christmas with my friends to after December, so that makes the financial situation easier, although I still have to pay my heating bill and buy things for my family Christmas this weekend and grocery shopping, but that's a more respectable place than I was in at the time of the last entry, and a more respectable place than I am currently in the few hours before direct deposit hits, and then my next paycheck on Christmas should be around 425 or so, which puts me at a better place still. Rent will take me down a peg (and the size of that peg remains to be seen - I got my 4th roommate hired at my work, and she starts Monday, but we'll see if she has enough money by then to pay rent, or when she can pay us back her share if she can't pay on time), but I'll come back up again by 425 or so around January 8, another 425 by January 22, and then down less because the 4th roommate can probably pay on time in February, and then up again by 425, and then my tax return (last year was quite a bit, so I'm hoping it's the same case here). So, by March I should be in a stellar place, but that's if the 4th roommate is paying, if I work 30 hours a week at least, and if there's no stupid spending or emergency situations.

I'll be okay, I'm just tired of the struggle. And I'm vaguely annoyed that I'll be financially okay only after break, when I could be doing more. I have goals for break that center around paying for a personal trainer and a new wardrobe and I hope I can accomplish those goals, or start to accomplish them this next semester.

Overall, things are looking up, I just have to make it through the end of finals and work my ass off this next month and a half to get to where I want to be financially. But things are good. I'm not super-panicking right now, at least. I just hope my grades are good. Jesus, that would be my fucking luck if they weren't. But I know I passed at least 3 of 5 classes. One I may have gotten a D in, but that passed a class for me last year so I'm hoping that will be the same this year. The last class remains on my script pages - if I turn those in I think I'll be good.

Things are looking up, the roller coaster is headed up. I just have to put my head down and work and get there and not panic and know that better things are literally within sight. I'm just so used to Murphy's Law at this point that I can't trust it.