Emily's Great Adventure

By Shannon pedigo · Mar 16, 2015 · ·
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    Emily is very excited about going to the Nationals; the show will be held in Texas in the Fall. Emily invites her parents, her trainer, Ricky and her friend, Randy. They live on a farm land in Florida, so they had to travel[​IMG] a long way to get there. They left on Friday because traveling[​IMG] will take about two days. They drove a big, bright red trailer that held Rusty, her horse, her special saddle, and the supplies that they need to take care of Rusty, such as hay, fed and grooming supplies.


    They travel through several states to get to the Nationals show. Emily's parents drove for hours to get there that they had to stop several times to walk Rusty so he wouldn't get restless while riding in the trailer. They discovered a rest stop that they enjoyed having their lunch like sandwiches, chips, and drinks. Emily took Rusty out of his trailer, so he could walk around in the grass. When they finish eating lunch and letting Rusty out, then they went back on the rode.


    The motor home is regular motor home with a lift especially built under neath the steps so her parents can assist Emily by getting her in and out easier. It is furnish with a couch, a chair, TV with a VCR, kitchen, and twins beds for Emily and her parent that Emily and Randy shared a bed. While her parents took turns driving, Emily and Randy is busy watching movies, playing board games and enjoying each other company.

    They arrived two days before the show begins on Monday and the show will last all week. The National show is known for having many horses from all over the states. The Nationals is the biggest show of all of the show that has decorations including plants on the tables, beautiful banners hang above the gate telling visitors the name of contenders and their farms.

    Emily unloads Rusty from his trailer and she leads him to the barn in his stall. The stall has the name of the horse on the stall door, so it would be easier for people to find it. The stalls has cement so Emily had to spread shaving[​IMG] all over the stall so Rusty would not hurt his hoofs .

    The show is starting in the morning. There are judges in the arenas judging the show. There are awards on the table; also at night, there is a fancy dinner for the show members. The show had so many horses that they have to divide up the horses into different classes, like the mares were in the one class, and the stallions were in another. The judging is based on the color of the horse and how well the horse behaves in the arena. Emily had so much fun attending the show that she made so many friends that they made a special bond that would last a life time.

    Emily and Rusty won many awards that they had their picture in the Horse World Magazine and the town's Newspaper. Emily and Rusty received a gold medal from the Horse Committee for the best attendance at a show. They had won so many awards that they were known as the most in the nation.


    When they arrive to their home town, there were people to congratulate them when they heard that Emily and Rusty won awards and gold medals. Her friends were so excited to hear that their friends, Emily had won almost every award at nationals. Randy threw a big party for Emily with all of her friends there to congratulate her for the wonderful job that she did at the show.

Comments

  1. theoriginalmonsterman
    I mean it's a good short story and it's written brilliantly, but if it's a children's story then I would say otherwise. I mean where's the moral? The main girl Emily's legs are disabled, but there's really no conflict in the story with her legs? This sounds like something someone would write in their journal. Also I didn't mind reading it, but how do you think younger kids would react. It's long and nothing really happens. Probably they would easily get bored.

    What I suggest is creating some conflict. Maybe Rusty gets lost or even stolen. That would add some flare to the story. Or you could center it around the main character's struggles. Maybe the story should be more focused on how Emily learned to ride Rusty while being disabled. I mean little kids like happy endings, but the plot line is very bland. You need to spice it up with some conflict or this story isn't going to go far.

    Hope I helped! :) It's not bad. It just needs some revisions. You got the characters and ending down; now you just need to conquer that other half.
  2. Shannon pedigo
    Thank you for advice,I really appreciate you taking the time to read my books.
      theoriginalmonsterman likes this.
  3. Shannon pedigo
    Should I write my books in the past or perent.
  4. theoriginalmonsterman
    Hmmm... that's a good question. Personally I like how reading stories that are written in present tense, but that's just me. Really it doesn't matter which tense you're using. It looks like you were already writing in past tense, so I would just stick with that.
  5. Shannon pedigo
    Thank you for your help.
  6. theoriginalmonsterman
  7. Shannon pedigo
    I had differant people helping me write this book, so I confussed!
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