Eurovision

As usual, the Eurovision Song Contest is so blatantly political that I have an overwhelming urge to tear the heart out of its creator and beat it to the sound of pounding techno. Let's get one thing straight: the UK's entry, was, as usual, utter rubbish. But if you can find a country whose entry was not as cringeworthingly bad as a fat kid in glasses body-popping to Beyonce, you're watching the Winter Olympics.

The vast majority of countries did better than the UK because they were better. But there are a select few who completely bombed, and it doesn't take a conspiracy theorist to see how they are connected. Ireland, Iceland, and the UK? The hair on the rear legs of a wild black Labrador is fairer than that! And the winners? Germany. With a contemporary and well-written song, but not one that, judging from the audience's reception, should have came anywhere near the top spot. It was pushed there by other Germanic and Scandinavian nations - Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland. The former Eastern Bloc partied like it was the Prague Spring - Russia included - voting and cheering for each other. Greece gave Cyprus twelve points. Serbia gave Bosnia and Herzegovina twelve points. Macedonia gave Albania twelve points. Portugal gave Spain twelve points. This went on up the ladder right to the top spot!

I don't know what I'm complaining about. I've not watched it with any great attention. But if this was the Olympics, there'd be a scandal! The English World Cup bid manager was forced to resign for accusing the Spanish and Russians of bribing the referees. I think a job in Brussels is now out of the question?