Finished? YOU DECIDE!!! (In caps)

By Lavarian · Sep 22, 2010 · 635 · 8
  1. A couple months ago I posted an original song I was working on called Troubled Child.
    Overall, I got pretty positive comments on it, but one of the problems was that the song was unfinished.

    Well, I think I've finished it now and would like to know what everyone thinks of it. Whether the bridge works, whether the ending fits, etc.
    Or just your thoughts in general- both negative and positive. That'll work too.

    Here's the video.
    Unfortunately, the video file itself got corrupted and I was only able to salvage the audio, so in place my ugly face, I put in a couple of my favorite pictures of Lydia.
    They seem oddly fitting...

    Lyrics:

    Don't run to me now
    Don't run to me now
    Troubled child

    No need to breathe now
    No need to breathe now
    Troubled child

    Troubled child, there's trouble in your veins
    Troubled child, there's trouble in your name
    Troubled child, no wandering away
    Troubled child, you're trouble in my veins

    Tell me what I'm supposed to do
    If I'm in trouble, so are you
    I am not afraid of you
    I am not afraid of you

    I am not afraid of you!

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  1. hiddennovelist
    I love it. All of it. The lyrics all fit together really well, and I think the transitions from instrumental to including lyrics (I don't know what the term is for when you switch back and forth) are very smooth. Also, the ending is pretty awesome. At first, I kind of expected it to go back down to the more mellow way that it started, but I think I like it better the way that it is than I would any other way.

    Also, the pictures of Lydia complete the song. Especially that first one. ;)
    hiddennovelist, Sep 22, 2010
  2. Ashleigh
    You have a really cool voice, Rob! I didn't know you could sing so well, 'cause I've not clicked any of your links before. I can totally see how you've been influenced by Robert Plant. Good job! :)
    Ashleigh, Sep 22, 2010
  3. Lavarian
    Thanks Heather! Yeah, in this case I felt it should have a loud/fast ending. It sounds pretty good with the full band too.

    Thanks, Ash!
    I'm glad you listened and like my voice.
    Yeah, Plant definitely one of my major vocal inspirations.
    Lavarian, Sep 22, 2010
  4. Speedy
    You should be very afraid of me.

    Eh, umm

    Loved it. Liked how different the beginning is to the end.

    Sometimes i wish you'd slow down just a small tad. You have a good voice and...nevermind, you rock!
    Speedy, Sep 23, 2010
  5. Lavarian
    Thanks, Speedy! But, by all means, speak your mind! If you're not comfortable doing it here you may PM me as well.

    Your willingness to listen to my tunes is much appreciated, man!
    Lavarian, Sep 23, 2010
  6. Speedy
    Actually listening to the above piece for a third and fourth time, i think the pacing it spot on. I was probably just going into it judging what you did to that other song i heard you did (fark, i cant think of the song, the IRA one lol).

    I just liked the bit from 1:46-1:54. Get to see another side of your voice when its a little slower. Esp when i can already hear the emotion in the words.

    It's probably not the actually lyrics that i have my thoughts on, just between the lyrics (Between one line and the other, how there can be even more feeling with some space. But i can contradict it be saying, the last part, how when your voice raises, it actually needs to be the way it is).

    I'm no musician though, and yeah. lol

    I love the intro though (0-50) and the end part (2:40-3:40) The last part the pacing feels 100% spot on, and i can feel it.


    Its probably why i feel the middle bit could do with different pacing (maybe a tad slower, a tad more emotional - so when we get to that kick are tail end, the build up feels even more worse it.

    Just my uneducated musical opinion. :)

    Im going to go listen to your other stuff again and you watch it'll break my quota for the month and i'll be gone for a day. lol
    Speedy, Sep 23, 2010
  7. Speedy
    Just watched "Fell on Black Days"

    I need a new pair of socks. You just blew them off.

    I'll expect a cheap pair of white ones by mid next week.
    Speedy, Sep 23, 2010
  8. Lavarian
    The uh...IRA song? :confused:

    But yeah, Speedy, thanks so much for your kind words. Hey man, you don't need to use up your quota, if you ever want to listen to something of mine over and over, merely say so and I'll send you an mp3 of it. (I have mp3's of pretty much everything I've got on youtube.)

    Glad to hear that you enjoyed Fell on Black Days too. You should hear it with the full band. ;)

    It's one of my favorite songs to cover.
    Lavarian, Sep 24, 2010
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