first chapter on unnamed novel

By captain kate · Jan 24, 2009 · ·
  1. open for critiquing

    Doctor Lewis Matthews entered the medical bay, his attention drawn to the far end. He sighed as his eyes looked across the room at the stasis chamber. The medical staff had taken custody of the person within after the Ambassadorial ship Avalon two days previously. He stopped before the chamber, shaking his head in sadness because his prognosis was grim provided radical methods weren’t approved.

    Matthews grabbed the pocket computer that held her chart, entering his security code to access the file. He grunted as he noted the slight deterioration in her vitals; in fact, she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. Shaking his head, he felt the impatience grow in his stomach by the second.

    What is taking him so long to make a decision? Matthews fumed within his head, while he looked at his patient within the stasis
    field.

    Floating inside was a young woman, her long raven-colored hair floating loosely in the zero gee environment. Her body rested comfortably in the chamber, the peacefulness belying the reason she was there. Matthews felt his eyes drawn to her arms, and even after seeing it several times over the past two days, he couldn’t prevent the shiver and urge to shrink back he faced.

    He sighed as he looked at the woman’s arms, his eyes drawn to the damage they had suffered. The pen provided him an outlet for the anger that was building up inside him. Chewing on it without stop, he looked over the injuries with his trained eyes. The muscles of her arms had been shredded by the flying darts from a pulse grenade. Beneath the carnage to her muscles, the bones in her arms had been shattered into multiple fragments.

    She was freakishly lucky, Matthews noted, as there was no damage to her torso and face. Other then her eyes and abdomen, all the damage is contained to her limbs.

    Matthews trailed his eyes down to look at the woman’s legs, and he took in a deep breath. While the damage to her arms were beyond current medical science to repair organically, her legs were even worse. He chewed even harder on the pen as he noted the destroyed limbs that barely held together by thin pieces of muscles.

    Even if I could save her life with conventional means, Matthews thought with a combination of a sigh and a groan. He stood back up and started to look at her chart again. What kind of life would she have, being blinded, and having no legs or arms?

    Matthews was a pragmatic man, and as he examined the young woman’s chart, his mind was racing with possibilities. With her body being in such terrible condition, she would be a great candidate for the experiments he had been conducting. However, would the Brass decide to let him do what he wanted to do?

    That is the million-credit question, he told himself, as he started to visualize what he could do to rebuild the young woman.

    Matthews took a moment to look around the medical bay in thought. He had been on the Horatio Horn blower for five years now, experimenting with Cybernetic Bionics. While the experiments had been a complete success, it was now time to place them into a human subject, and that was where the problems had popped up. The process of finding a suitable person to place them cybernetics in had been exercise in utter frustration, leading Rear Admiral Reyes and Matthews to suspend their search.

    This young woman would be perfect, Matthews told himself, repeating the argument he had given Reyes hours ago. She has no family, no roots…so she basically doesn’t exist unless we want her to.

    He sighed under his breath as he waited for Reyes to make his decision. While he was the chief of medical staff, he couldn’t move into experimenting on a human subject until Reyes gave him clearance. Shaking his head as he stared at the young woman again, he found himself growing ever impatient with the wait.

    Can’t he hurry up? Rebuilding her would be the best course of action, he thought to himself.
    Matthews examined the file that Intelligence had been able to build on the woman before him, and it was damned little. She was an orphan, a former Gladiator Slave from the planet Necko, where blood sport had turned into a huge betting endeavor. He shook his head at the fact that she had climbed to the position of Master Champion on Necko, which made her a figure people familiar with the fights would recognize.

    We can still work with her; he contemplated while he closed the file. Not everyone will
    know who she is.

    Matthews turned as he heard the door behind slide open. He raised an eyebrow in questioning as he watched an older man in a black rear admiral’s uniform enter. The man strode toward him with a sense of purpose, his measured strides covering the distance quickly. Matthews lowered his eyebrow at the intense glare that came from the Admiral as he drew closer.

    “Doctor,” He spoke in a short, clipped accent. “How is your patient?”

    “She’s dying, sir,” Matthews spoke, as he fidgeted on his feet. “If we don’t do something soon, she won’t be of any use to us.”

    “Who says I want to do anything to her at all?” Reyes countered, his tone one that made Matthews wither before him.

    “Sir,” Matthews licked his lips, as he tried to summon up the courage to stand up to Reyes. He always had more courage for dealing with the Admiral in private then he had in public, and it showed. “She’s perfect for our cause! There’s no family to miss her either!”

    “She’s also a escaped barbarian slave, Doctor,” Reyes’ tone could chill ice as he looked at the young woman’s body.

    “Which could be useful for Intelligence,”
    Matthews continued, his hope that he would convince Reyes to let him proceed. “She wouldn’t have a problem with killing.”

    “The fact that she was a escape slave from Necko does concern me, Doctor,” Reyes shook his head. “What do you say we do if Necko tries to get her back?”

    “She’s ours now, sir,” Matthews said. “I think we can keep her, especially if she’s going to get our equipment in her body.”

    “Oh I’m sure we could keep her from them,” Reyes agreed. “That’s not the issue, the issue is how can we keep them from blowing her cover if we use her for black ops.”

    “That’s not my specialty, sir,” Matthews admitted with a sigh. “My job is to heal the lame-if possible. In this case she will die if I don’t do the procedure on her.”

    “Can we place controls in her in case she were to get off the ranch?” Reyes asked while rubbing his chin in thought.

    “I can place override codes in her cybernetics allowing us to shut them down,” Matthews answered after long seconds of thought.

    “Is there a program you can imbed in her that will allow us to control what she remembers?”

    “I can install a subliminal program that would allow you to access it via a transmitted code,” Matthews found himself fidgeting over this turn of events. He licked his lips, his mind racing in thought.

    Which is akin to mental rape if you ask me, he thought to himself, keeping it from Reyes’ ears.

    “I want those implanted in when you do the procedure,” Reyes ordered. “Or it’s a no go.”

    Matthews felt his eyes go wide in reaction to the words that Reyes had spoken. He fought the urge to shout with joy as the fact he got clearance sank in. What did he need to do first, since there were so many things to do!

    Turning to grab a nurse by the arm, he found it hard to keep his excitement under control.

    “Prep the procedure room,” he told her, his voice rising up in octave. “I want the equipment prepped for installation in her, stat!”

    “Yes, Doctor,”

    “This is one hundred million-credits of equipment, Doctor,” Reyes warned, his tone colder then the depths of space outside the station. “Don’t make me regret this.”

Comments

  1. TWErvin2
    Captain Kate,

    Just a few comments on the first paragraphs:

    +==============+++===============+
    Doctor Lewis Matthews entered the medical bay, his attention drawn to the far end. He sighed as his eyes looked across the room at the stasis chamber. (what else by his eyes would look, so saying 'his eyes' is redundant) The medical staff had taken custody of the person within after the Ambassadorial ship Avalon two days previously. ('because'? Let the reader use the context to determing. Shaking head gives enough of a clue. He stopped before the chamber, shaking his head in sadness because his prognosis was grim provided radical methods weren’t approved.

    Matthews grabbed the pocket computer that held her chart, entering his security code to access the file. (too exactingh or controlling. Allow the reader to paint the picture and remained involved in what's happening.) He grunted as he noted the slight deterioration in her vitals; in fact, she was dying and there was nothing he could do about it. (unless the radical mesures...maybe include that information here instead?) Shaking his head, he felt the impatience grow in his stomach by the second.

    What is taking him (who?) so long to make a decision? Matthews fumed within his head (where else would he fume, again, allow the reader some latitude), while he looked (stared ?--'looked' is weak) at his patient within the stasis field.

    +=============+++============+

    Of course, just my opinion. Take it for what it's worth and good luck.

    Terry
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