You may have heard the old nursery rhyme about Georgie Porgie. He kissed the girls and made them cry. It strikes a chord in me. Not because I invoked the tears of young ladies with insalubrious advances mind you! Though corrupted in mind I was a gentleman in practice. Well, as much as a high school boy could be during his kaleidoscopic evolution. It was in Mr. Sophie's math class when I made a beautiful young lady cry. Now please reserve your judgment until the end of the story if you are able. I can't for the life of me remember her name so I'll call her Sonja because she had red hair and I had the hots for Red Sonja at the time; Brigitte Nielsen, in the words of the immortal Inspector Gadget, "Wowsers"! Okay okay, so Sonja sat to the left of me in math class and would often help me with, well, pretty much everything math related. I didn't get to kiss her though the thought may have crossed my mind a few million times but what I did get to do is share a short story I wrote. I thought that her analytical ability would be super useful and she seemed excited to assist me. She sat and read while pencils scratched away on nearby equations. I just doodled to keep up the façade that I was actually mathing like the other diligent drones. I'll never forget what happened. An expression rolled across her face like someone killed a puppy. She put her hand over her mouth and placed the story down. Tears rolled down her cheeks. I was perturbed and confused. Then, and quite to my surprise, she hauled off and punched me in the left arm like Muhammad Ali. I kid you not, damn near knocked me out of my desk! I looked at her as if Red Sonja was raising her blade above my head for a fatal stroke, probably as scared as I was smitten, and then she laughed out loud and handed me the story. She called me an “ass hole” and smiled. What did I learn? There were ways to intimately connect with someone without kissing them and I had better be careful when I string words together again and...OMG Sonja touched my arm! She totally wants me!
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