Good times, bad times, and the bit in between
I tend to expound at length the different shades of feeling like shit, but right now I actually feel pretty good. Nothing special or interesting about it. But I feel at peace and I feel optimistic. It's odd how, in feeling optimistic, I don't need to explain my childhood or relations with others, it just is. Yet, if things suck, then I've got to talk about all the flaws of society and my limitations. I suppose it's a logical mechanism built to get at the source of a problem so it can eventually be eliminated. But if the problem has no simple solution, then it can work against its own purpose. That's some human condition shit right there.
On another note, I'm into older music. I can like newer music, but it doesn't have the vibe of good ol' rock n roll. Don't know why. Is it because I played guitar hero as a kid? I loved that game. Me and my brother used to play that game a lot, we would... rock and roll all night. But we didn't party every day. My brother has been staunchly against partying. I liked it. But only because I liked the booze and recklessness part of it. But socializing with people? Gross. That's probably why I've only been to a handful of parties with shitty people. They were okay, but flawed in a similar way to me. Just wanting to escape into music and substances -- of course they were hip hop and chill, I'm more of a rock n roll and smash shit type of partier, something that rarely meshes well with the people I knew. But when it did, oh boy, good times.
This isn't an example of one of those times but: I remember one time at a party someone started throwing a piece of toast(well, sliced bread -- it wasn't toasted) around and it became a game of grab the piece of toast and throw it if it landed in your vicinity. I was pretty psyched that I got to throw the toast. I also met a girl named Brandy at that party while playing beer pong. I thought that was a cool name. We talked for awhile. It was pleasant. In retrospect, my past wasn't as bad as I always seem to tell myself. I wonder why I convince myself that life is bad when it's what you make of it.
There are good times, bad times, and the boring in between. I think I get stuck in that bit. Impatient, anxious, inattentive. Just gotta manage that bit in between.
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