Hollowing

Last night I was forced to watch some disturbing images in my sleep. Normally I don't drink any other liquids than water, tea, and milk-no I don't think I'm better than you. But this particular night I decided to drink a Dr.Pepper in addition to the pack of cigarettes I managed to suck down throughout the long day. This particular day was a bad one, I was very depressed so I was almost walking around in a zombie-like state.

I should really cut to the chase; last night I had some of the worst nightmares I have ever had. I'm a big boy, yes I am, but these were horrifying. Something inside my brain new exactly what to throw at me. For the first time in 13 years I hid under my covers (I'm 19). Partially because I was groggy when I woke up so I wasn't thinking properly but for the most part it was how horrifying the dreams were.

I don't mean to tease you. I just don't feel it necessary to actually explain the happenings of the dream because to the outside observer they might not be the frightening.

I'm not sure where i'm going with all of this except to get it off my chest. I don't have a my(fake)space or livejournal, nor can I use more than one hand to count my friends. So here it is.

I've been fine for a few months now with school and all, until yesterday. Everything came rushing in on me. Without forcing too many personal details on you i'll just say that i've been struggling with a powerful mental illness my entire life. And really, those ****ing dreams knocked me on my ass.