Humans, What odd creatures are we?

I wrote this originally on October 2, 2007 and recently rediscovered it. I present it here, unedited, for WritingForums.org's reading pleasure.



Since the dawn of time, we humans have been a list making species. How many sabertooth tigers are casing me, how many people are in the tribe, how many teeth do I have left, etc. As human civilization has progressed most of these lists have fallen into antiquity (except the teeth one; that is still valid in parts of the southern USA) but staying true to our nature, we have developed newer and more complex lists. Of these lists the grocery list is arguably the most important to the general populace.

Grocery lists were first invented in the year 2146 B.C. by Antigonus-Lysander Eustathios, an ancient Greek inventor, who also invented such amazing things as the letter 'æ' and sleeves (although sleeved togas did not catch on until th 2000s B.C.) Antigonus (as he was better known) was inspired to create the grocery list after several failed trips to the market to fetch olives for his wife, Tryphosa. Antigonus found that if he inscribed the needed items to his coin purse he was reminded to buy them at each pub he stopped at along the way. In in an interesting tangent his neighbor and drinking companion, Seleucus, invented the grocery bag and then later the wheel-barrel as a means to bring the listed items and companions home (after a night of heavy drinking.)

And so today I, Kyle Joseph Baker, Son of Larry and Brother of Thomas, failed to learn from history. I set out to HEB (a local grocer) to obtain shaving soap, orange juice, and iced cream; returning instead with 3 apples, a 6 pack of St. Arnold's root beer, and some tea. My mistake? You guessed it, no shopping list. Such is my life.