Is this story too wooden?

How are we all? I'm rather swell thank-you. Why yes I would like to show you my story...no this isn't a true story.

Twenty seven year old Stanley Goodman realized that what may have been a wholly unremarkable Wednesday morning was suddenly taking a turn for the worst. Government statistics taken by people who count data made by men in shorts who take surveys on clipboards in shopping malls, have shown that Wednesday seems to be the day where persons of all creeds feel most like staying in bed. This remarkable fact led Stanley to conclude that his feeling rooted in bed was him simply fitting in. It wasn't until he tried to move that he realized that he was becoming a tree.

This may seem like a silly exaggeration of truth. Perhaps a witty satire of the current standard of life. Aren't we all becoming trees in one form or another? Well...no. Stanley was actually becoming a tree. With leaves and everything.

The roots growing out of Stanley's legs had taken shape and had curled around his bed frame in an attempt to find a water source and literally rooted him to the bed. Panic set in as Stanley realized that while staying in bed was a cozy prospect, his lack of experience in the current situation may inhibit him from enjoying his morning...

Thank-you for reading it. Just an opening I started today. Stanley is going to have many more adventures as a tree, and no, it's not all stupid puns and woody jokes (though there are some just to give it some class).