This post is vitriolic but it's as much about me as it is others.
When other people talk about their problems I couldn’t be any less interested. They say you become more misanthropic as you get older but I’ve become this way over night. Sudden and abrupt. At least I have the honesty to come out and say it. There’s so much self-pitying nonsense in this world it makes me feel sick when I hear it. Oh you’re depressed? Fck off you sad twat. If you think others are going to help you you’re going to be sorely disappointed. And if you think I’m being cynical then I’m sorry to say that that’s the way the world is..
Sort your own issues out. You can’t rely on others to do it for you. You might get lucky and find someone who is prepared to subject themselves to your crying monologues, even though he just wants to talk about the football. They go away and you feel a weight off your chest. But tomorrow you will wake up and repeat the process. You don’t know any other way, it’s how you’re programmed to function. See a psychiatrist but he can’t wait to prescribe you medication and get you out the door. He has other patients to see, with real problems and real issues. By the way good luck with being a zombie for the rest of your life.
You wonder where your creative spark has gone? Oh you can’t think clearly? Your mind is a minefield? Are you envisioning yourself in some pathetic dark tunnel with no light at the end? The perfect and suitably dramatic metaphor which perfectly embodies the misfortune that you have experienced in your sh!t life thus far. Perhaps you lament the fact that your struggle has not yet made it into the published print, by extension preventing a heart-wrenching transition into cinema where you’re played by a scruffy-looking Robert Pattinson.
Get a grip of yourself. You are not some kind of flawed genius, although you would be happier if that were the case. Keep trying to write your fiction, all you can muster is the most generic piece of crap that’s been done a million times and in a much better style than you. You will never be a success. There are literally thousands of people who have received a more comprehensive education than you, people with talent, people with intelligence. Your imagination has no flair; and it is no wonder why, what given your mechanical consumption of sedatives everyday to numb the pain of your incessant, nihilistic and pointless questions about life.
Why should I feel sorry for you? I’ve spent too much of my time feeling sorry for myself and look where it’s gotten me. Will someone please change the record because this one is definitely broken. The person who so kindly listened to you earlier is now fidgeting in his seat, looking at the clock. He is becoming exasperated, his patience wearing thin. Their friendly visits become less and less often. Then you wonder why no one wants to talk to you. The endless moaning about how no one loves you and how you’re life is so miserable. Is it really such a surprise that people avoid misery, that they stay away from your infectious negativity?
Self-preservation should be your main priority, and if it’s not, you’re only doing yourself damage in the long haul. The world does not fcking revolve around you so stop acting like it does. Keep your problems to yourself, private, solitary. If it makes you feel better, write them down. But don’t poison others with your nonsense, because this way you force others to feign concern and pander to your self-absorbance. Just because you’ve gave leeway to your own problems for so long, doesn’t mean others should as well. You've only succeeded to exacerbate them rather than resolve them.
There are concerned people out there, of course there is. i wasn't born in a bubble. On balance however, it’s safe to say people are not good. How much has been written about how human nature is self-destructive? About how people are ultimately selfish? It’s time you realised this and accepted it.
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