Little Beams of Sunlight

You know something, at a very young age, I decided that I didn't want to plan for children of my own. At first, the decision was purely me not liking others' kids, and fearing that my own child would be like thiers. But, I came to a realizaton in the last year that children, like crises, and surprises cannot be planned for, no matter how hard you try. I find it funny sometimes, children like to spring into your life basically stating, "I am here, cope or find another option, but you can't erase me." Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that maybe all those people that love telling me "It'll be different when they're your own," are right, maybe it's not the process of children I was afraid of, it was the result of others' proces that had me freaking out.

I feel this way mainly because of my little brother, he's not my first, but he's different than my other brother in that we are being raised together. I digress...The thing is, I met my little brother when he was four days old, he knew nothing, and was a clean slate, waiting to be etched upon and sculpted into a man someday. I was there when he started rolling over, responding to audio cues, responding to other's. When he began babbling, I was there, when he showed his disdain for me sticking my tongue out by rollling his neck, at two weeks, old-I was there. A lot of people that deal with him for various reasons of development like to point out that he has three parents: our mom, our gram, and myself. The first time I heard this, I wanted to go, "You're kidding, right? I'm just his sister." But I realize that I have been aiding in his raising, in my own way.

I love the little guy, and when I get to see his first, it's kind of like a private ray of sunshine, if only for a moment.

My little brother is a lot of things to me, from a nuisance to a constant reminder to get the hell over myself, but I love the Lil Munchkin. He and I are an odd pair, me at 5'7" holding the hand of a little 34" boy, but we are quite intune.

He's my Little Beam of Sunshine, and I guess I'm just his Big Sis, but we love each other...And he's reminded me that children aren't a scary sight, nor a frightful thought, they're sculptures that haven't yet been finished.