First off i dont expect anyone to answer this of even read it, I just need to vent and rant.
MY boyfriend and I have been dating since high school. We went to prom together. he is my first bf and first first love.
THis year , the 3rd year of being together we have had no communication except once and that was after Valintines Day ( i called and finially reached him)
we have a long distance relationship, both in college him in Texas , me in Indiana.
In the past we would talk online mostly, only texting the other to get online.
but now nothing. i have e-mailed, texted, called and even e-mail his mother to see what up. I'm not the only one is not communicating with regurly, his mother is also upset he doesn't call her.
I thought maybe it was my cell phone because i had to step outside to talk on it but I've ot a new one and still 5 rings the a voice telling me the inbox of his voicemail is full.
I love him more then anything, i want to marry him, have kids and spend the rest of my life with him. but not like this
I don't mind long distance but this form of silent treatment is killing me form the inside out.
He usually came home over break but this winter due to missing a few weeks in the previous summer for some ship training he had to stay at school, he didn't come home this spring, i was able to ask him if he would in that one call but he was unsure.
Now I'm on summer break and I'm wondering when his will be home, or if the as prices are to high for him to come home.
I would e-mail his mother but its a school address and school is out.
When I first met him in high school I had such a bad crush on him. I would say and think anything to myself to stop having feeling for him, i hoped it would only last 2 weeks then go away but the feeling only got strong to the point i needed to tell him how i felt, part of me hoped he would let me down but another was scared to death of it. i would hang out with him as much as i could as school, i'd give him litle presents example candy for hoildays, wait for him to get of class if the class was near mine.
no matter how much i feared telling him, i still manged to tell him, usually my fears wins but this was the first time no matter what my over active imation came up with, i still told him.
after our first date I told him if he ever hurts me perposely i will kick his ass
now i'm scared that the part of me that never wanted to confess with go "i told you so, i told you so" even if i feel if this does end it was a nice experince.
I laso fear it will be harder for me to be in love again. i have daddy issuces( i try to get over it but the old fart calls and cause new scares or opens old ones) and don't trust poeple easily(takes me years)
I use to talk to uys online but slowly with dating my bf i didn't care to chat with them i just wanted him, i even had sexual fantsy with multiple poeple which i share with him but lately I noticed(little over a year) i don't care to i just want him the rest can stay a fantasy
one day when i was at my lowest lows i wish he would hit me, verbly insult me, do something in which i would have no problem kicking his butt and moving on with my life.
with this silent treatment, i can't reach him to ask him whats going on. the one day i did i was so happy to hear his voice that i forgot to be mad i just wanted to hear him talk didn't are about what is was just as long as he spoke something.
I had planned to wait until he came home for the summer to confront him face to face to ask him whats up. to give him an ultimatium. in hopes that we could fix it.
I do respect myself and will walk away if need be but i want to know why i need an explaintion.
We waited two years to have sex and it makes me feel like that's what cause it. after we had sex and he leftfor school poor communication.
I don't know if thats it but i know my over active imagtion is getting the better of me.
my lowest day i meantioned before was the day when there were not 5 rings then that voice it just went straight to the voice and for some reason that hurt me even more. to the point i broke down and could not stop thinking nor stop crying.
the rings have since came back but sill 5 rings then the voice.
I told myself i will wait until June before i just send a letter to his parents house and maybe the infromation will find is way to him.
I won't say our relationship is over, but i will put him out of my mind, move on but i know i won't want to date for a long time. thats ok
in the end i just want to hear his side of the story
I still have hope but how much if it is just not wanting to have a broken heart.
I think I got out all i wanted, i feel much better, sorry for all the spelling and grammar but if anyone was able to read all that, thank you
I hope this helps anyone and for those who comment thanks tons too.
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