Looking for constructive criticism...

Published by Desolate Lyricist in the blog Desolate Lyricist's blog. Views: 48

I know I need some work on my wordplay and metaphors, but I wanna know what else would help make me a better lyricist. Here is one of my several works that I have written in my spare time. There is no definite subject behind the verse. Let me know what I should do next time I feel the need to write:

We make moves faster than the hour glass
every second that ticks and the hours that pass
my intelect grows stronger everytime that we cross paths
and when we do that, you continue to fail
constantly frail, you break faster than weak minds in jail
now lets not forget that you messing with the best
no bullet proof, cause violence does not measure my success
I wanna be remembered like Tupac Biggie
but I dont wanna known as them, cause my name is Ricky
and I quick-ly deteriorate minds of the weak
once I infect the first I manifest become stronger and seek
out the niggas that plaque the fans with nonsense
but what these dudes do not know is there in my territory
and my game is non-sense
no accomplice
to murder, cause I got you watchin ya ass like Good Burger
you flip burgers to get studio time
education is key and im rocking the lanyard, so I got mine
its like the Pharcyde, time is passing me by
niggas kill and deceive one another and im asking why
do we continue to commit suicidal genocide
but when we ask for reperations they said no, we said why?
'cause we constantly bad choices
that result in niggas being picked up by coroners in hoisters
but it seems like were the glitch in the system
.....we called the Obama Geek Squad to come and fix them
  • Mercurial
  • Desolate Lyricist
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