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Medical Research

Published by Iain Aschendale in the blog ...from a dark place. Views: 135

Just for fun, something I wrote a few years ago under the influence of the Good Doctor:

. . .and when the furniture started shaking and I heard the howling, I shot out from under the bottom bunk in a heartbeat. I’d been sleeping there because the cold iron in the frame helped ward off the elven and fairy mercs that my roommate had hired to. . . well, that’s a story for another time. . . Anyway, the San Jose earthquake had been only a few weeks prior, and I assumed that it was another aftershock until Jack came plummeting out of the top rack, naked as a jaybird, drunk as a lemur, and masturbating like an orangutan who’d just overdosed through the main line on Viagra and amphetamines. . . which turned out to be closer to the truth than I could ever have imagined. . . seems the poor bastard was the unwitting subject of some experimental work being conducted by a joint task force made up of elements of the DoD, FDA, and CIA. . . They were working on a new war drug which included an early form of Viagra, along with some stimulants and a powerful synthetic hallucinogen, the hope was that it would leave the enemy troops so disoriented with lust that effective resistance would be minimal. Unfortunately, field trials revealed a couple of things: First, that gas or spray dispersal was ineffective; the effects Jack had been experiencing occurred after injections that were measured in ounces, not parts per million. Second, it was found that the control group, namely Third Platoon, reacted the exact same way to saline injections and Miller Genuine Draft. . . by the time they discontinued dosing Jack, however, the residual effects from some inadvertent conditioning that had occurred with him were painfully obvious: After three or so beers, he began leering at any and all females in the area, regardless of age or apparent health. Stronger drink had more significant effects, one night after we’d all been sitting around drinking tequila with brake fluid chasers it took four strong Marines and a nearby fire hose to wrest him from the trees in front of the Navy E-Club where he’d been trying to rape one of the peacocks. . .
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