Memory Lane Isn't Always Pleasant.

Published by Un-substantial in the blog Un-substantial's blog. Views: 68

From the very beginning I could see what was happening.

Now that I think of it, I really should've done something more than my feeble attempts to save them. But how could I? I had no proof of anything. That's because there was no proof, because nothing had happened. Yet. And instinct just isn't enough to convince someone to give up what they love most. Or what they think they love most. Especially when the person doesn't listen much to you in the first place.

In the end it turned out that it was me to destroy the failing bond. I guess I was the final piece in their crumbling puzzle. I was the one who destroyed them. I am happy about this? No, I am not. Only because I hurt one of my closest friends. And another not so close friend. The other piece in the puzzle. I was never good at puzzles. I couldn't even piece it all together until I was shown how. And even then it was incredibly hard.

But him. He deserved all the pain he got from that. And that's the reason why I'm glad I did what I did. Because as much as I hurt her, he hurt her so much more, but she just didn't know it yet. That's why I was there. To tell her the horrible truth, to ruin it. For her. For the other one. And for him. So I am glad that I did it. I just wish it could've been someone else. But I know that I was the only one who could. And it was going to happen sooner or later anyways...right? I made it sooner, rather than later.

He was in the wrong, and deserved to be crushed, although he was probably just putting on the show for us all. I believe he didn't care in the slightest, because, really, he didn't lose anything. He still had them both wrapped around his finger. And then he went for another one after that too. How selfish. Heartless. And they all could do so much better, if only they could see him the way I do. The real him. And not his charming alter ego.

So if he deserved it, then why do I feel so guilty? Is it because I betrayed a friend - even though it was probably for her own good - to help another, but crush her at the same time? So really, I just ended up crushing them both. Some friend I am.

No wonder they never talk to me about anything any more. And no wonder he hates it when I pick up the phone.

I wonder if any of them could ever forgive me. I wonder if the other two know it was even me? Did she tell them? I wonder if I even want their forgiveness.

Things just got so complicated so fast. And now, maybe it happened again. And I was to blinded by a stupid emotion to see it. I'm still blinded by that emotion, although it's long gone. I don't want to go through what I made my friends go through, and yet I think I am right now. But still, I'm blinded. By ignorance. By a false hope that I won't get hurt.

So, from the very beginning I could see what was happening, in both cases. I just ignored my problems, and focused on hers. Now I can't. I have to stand up for myself. Because I know he won't. And no one else can. It's my turn to inflict the crushing pain. Again. but can I endure it like they have? Will I be as strong? To inflict the pain not only on someone I love, but on myself as well? I don't know if I can do it. But I have no I?
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