Silence is my number one enemy now. Except that I still don't feel like talking, so guess what - it wins.
Basically, I've spent a few months becoming busier, and busier, and angrier at the people around me for various reasons - lack of needed response, the inability to help out when the help is needed, the fact that they don't see connections and problems in our culture that my favorite teacher always finds, whatever, it doesn't matter - I became as hateful as my dad inside, which is the thing I'm terrified of the most.
And my anger came out at several specific people.
One of which I had added onto LJ. Of course, she had never added me back, so I never thought she'd see what I wrote.
Well, she chose this week to add me, after five or six months, so of course I had forgotten she was on my friends list.
And the damage was done.
I would ask for forgiveness again, except that before I can I need to forgive myself for letting my problems get the better of me, it would seem.
God...I really thought I was better than that...but I certainly proved myself wrong.
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