More constructive criticism...

Here is a piece that is more dark and melancholy, than the previous. Overall this one is just plain evil (hahaha). Nothing serious, but I was just exploring my boundaries and seeing what would come to mind. Some of the music I listen to is dark and heavy hip-hop, but the reason for it is because of the lyrical content. Once again its nothing serious, but I would like to have some constructive criticism on this one also:

Ive thought what if I were goto Great Falls intoxicated
its been debated these thoughts are most often situated
not complicated cause then it would work out
my inner communication is thorough and often thought out
i like to wonder in labyrinths of thoughts in my spare time
whats drugs I abuse and what if I committed a crime
no need for Sublime but the music can be soothing
walking a tight rope living life and taking death can be confusing
all my life i feel like im too disassociated
and I need to open up but anxiety holds my tounge
but now im just a dislocated shoulder waiting to be
popped back in but where to begin cause if it happens once
it will surely happen again
I wonder if I died would it bring a tear to my friends eyes
I pay dues for my selfishness and my selfish lies
never thought i would think this but I wanna die
it would save me from the descison of advancing
and leaving others behind
but if i slit my wrist i can goto hell
and getting on death row will put im in a jail cell
the vicious cycle called life is filled with disgust
thats why i need my green laced with that angel dust
getting wet will keep me distant from the mind
my body will do the same so the spirt is delusional and devine
keep the thoughts locked in the bottle but sparingly release
to keep the peace within beast cause my heart creeks
with veins that pump nothing but rhythm
cause the black in me is hate jus call it racism
but the truth lays within the heart to be specific
i can speak in the devils tounge jus with the change of lyric...