New year 2018

Of course our divisions of time are artificial, by definition. All time is, is entropy, things unwinding and slowing down or changing. And January 1 is simply the first date of a calendar. Nothing more, in and of itself.

The value or impact of a New Year is symbolic, but that doesn't make it less real, since we are creatures whose intellect lives in symbols. It makes a convenient marker if one wants to begin some sort of new regime, but it's only how we regard it that matters. Real life doesn't care.

It sounds like you're adrift on the sea of endless possibility. Rather than setting any resolutions, why not reframe them as goals. College, while useful isn't the end all be all and until you've spent some time working, you don't really know what it is that you're looking to do. When I was your age, I presume late teens, early 20s. I was more focused on raising a family, and getting a career. I often sacrificed my schooling for dead end jobs, and a clear lack of direction. I would encourage you to think about some of the career goals you have, not just for the sake of getting a job to survive, but maybe a job which also supports an end goal. Additionally, you state that your life has put you into conflict and chaos, and always taking care of others. This puts you at risk for caregiver burn out. Been there, done that. My mother was mentally ill, and I began managing our household in some ways and raising my brother when she wasn't able, all the while having my own child when I was 16. Yet, these gave me maturity beyond my years, and it gave me reasoning skills many my age didn't possess. My guess is your environment has done the same for you. So when you are looking for a job, and some may look down on you for your youth, speak of these challenges, but highlight what you've learned and how you've successfully managed them. As well, don't presume you'll fall down. You may waiver, but you will get back up, we always do. Until we're dead, we can always get back up. You can do this.

Re-reading this, I'm wondering where and how you are right now, and hoping you are well. I was thinking about the dropping out of college aspect. I did that, and ultimately took 10 years to get a BA. All that time it haunted me as an elusive goal. Once I finally got it, it was as I expected, a symbol that lost meaning once achieved, a box to be checked. Not to minimize the need to check the box, but a reminder that the degree, too, is an artificial demarcation. Its attainment or lack thereof does not define you.