Not a good start to the week

By Speedy · Sep 26, 2010 · 582 · 10
  1. Was feeling really low/depressed yesterday. Was online, and Joanne came online when i was on a massive low.(I really should have logged off at this stage)

    End result, 6 hours of me talking about how depressed i am, how i don't think we could work out, how i should just end everything because it was all to hard.

    i can't even remember what i was talking about, as i do after hitting really massive pole hole emotions.

    I know i made her cry all night, and she is still crying today at work. She just emailed me telling me this, after i sent an email.

    So i told her i won't contact her until i see the psychiatrist. Not sure if i should even bother now.

    Whats the point when you have succeed it pushing everything of a cliff.

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  1. Cogito
    The point is to heal. Maybe this relationship is scuttled, maybe not. If she's the One, there's a good chance she will stick with you as long as you are making progress.

    But irrespective of whether she goes or stays, you are bound to continue the same patterns that have strained your current relationship unless you take measures to change.

    What have you got to lose by trying? Compare that to what you stand to lose by not trying.
    Cogito, Sep 27, 2010
  2. Speedy
    I know, i am waiting to see the psychiatrist.

    I made those steps a week ago (The one i wanted to see was pretty freaking hard) but i spke to the doctor and they have jumped me up the que.

    I know i should never self diagnoise, but if i'm told i have a Ultradian cycle with this bi-polar, i will get on my knees and thank God. My first step in all of this is finding a name for this thing. And i have spent weeks reading up on stuff, and just hope that what makes sense, and feels right, can be expressed.



    She might be the one, but she's the closest i have ever been to anyone. I know it sounds so, "Yeah you can say that, but all love is the same", but when you are so close to someone, and soul matish, the bigger the pain and the harder everything shatter's.

    But i hope this works, i hope someone listens. Because im not sure what htere is if i find out from a professional that i am only moody and get some rest.

    i wish i could just even talk straight these days.




    Speedy, Sep 27, 2010
  3. becca
    *hugs* I'm always here for you. *hugs again*
    becca, Sep 27, 2010
  4. Joanna the Mad
    I don't know you of course, but I think it's good you took the initiative to go see someone. If you want to heal, I believe you can.

    Don't push her away, she seems like a good person who cares about you a lot.

    Good luck Speedy!
    Joanna the Mad, Sep 27, 2010
  5. Joanna the Mad
    I don't know you of course, but I think it's good you took the initiative to go see someone. If you want to heal, I believe you can.

    Don't push her away, she seems like a good person who cares about you a lot.

    Good luck Speedy!
    Joanna the Mad, Sep 27, 2010
  6. Speedy
    I know i joanne that is mad at me, not a Joanna. That actually made me laugh...well, smile at least.

    Thank you.

    Bec - you'll see me online when im writing or trying too!
    Speedy, Sep 27, 2010
  7. Joanna the Mad
    ^ Ha, that caught my attention as well. I thought bringing it up myself might be a bit inappropriate. Glad to have contributed to a smile. You're welcome.
    Joanna the Mad, Sep 27, 2010
  8. Elgaisma
    You can do it Speedy and don't be dumb about Joanne know it's hard but you both seem like great people. Right now you are both frequently in my thoughts. But you know I am an unromantic git who doesn't believe in the 'One' Just the one you are willing to work with.
    Elgaisma, Sep 27, 2010
  9. Mercurial
    I wish you well with your psychiatrist appointment, Speedy. :( But dont ever give up on anything; you and Joanne have made it through for so long, and I know it's rough, but things will change soon --I know it. :)
    Mercurial, Sep 27, 2010
  10. Torana
    Speedy, big hugs to you my friend.

    You are a good person, with a good heart.
    Torana, Sep 28, 2010
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