Not understanding is Like Kissing A Flame

Published by zorell in the blog zorell's blog. Views: 89

Okay, while the other little girls were imaging their weddings, and how they were going to meet a prince and fall in love and live in a castle with their thoudans and one ponies, I was trying to understand what the hell was wrong wth them? Was I the delusional one, or was it them?

My mom says I never asked for a horse, never ever mentioned marrying a prince, and -to this day- refuse to tell how many kids I want. I don't want them, they don't care if you do, and I see no point in planning. I can't plan my life around people.

I'm sixteen, and if you asked me about my dream wedding, I could only tell you two things:
-I will be barefoot for the ceromony (and go to Hades if you even suggest shoes, it's my day afterall)
-my dress will be a pale blue at the shoulders and slowly transition to a midnight black/purple as it reaches the hem which will trail around me.

About that, yeah, um don't even know if I'll get married or to whom/what (and by that I mean the following.)

I've only ever dated guys, because, _see theother entry regarding why I even dated them- but some times wonder if I'm lying to myself or denying myself. I'm too shy about things like this, so, even if I did have a crush on somebody of the same gender, I couldn't tell her. I can see the ensuing teasing and such and would much rather avoid it.

I hate when I don't undestand, and this is getting harder as I prepare to leave high school and venture into "the real word" which is a dumb phrase when you think about it.

I'm getting sick of this, damned sick of it. And if you made it to this point in the blog, thanks for taking your time to "listen" to this little vent of mine:redface:
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