....Of Distortion and Normalcy

Published by para_noir in the blog para_noir's blog. Views: 87

"What is this" is a question I can't really explain. My thought process has of late, become somewhat....distorted, more so than usual. And my reality, the three dimensional world I see with my eyes, and the fourth dimension - time - seems to have blurred and smudged a little. I am no longer able to identify the moments when I am awake and when I am asleep. I wake, I brush my teeth, I walk, I eat, I watch movies, listen to music, I got to sleep. One dysfunctional routine. I don't understand why I call it "dysfunctional". Is it because I like that word? Or does it signify something else?

When I shut my eyes, I see bright gold shapes, with black outlines. I try to remember them, to see what they are, but they move and change shape, like water flowing in slow motion. Sometimes I see when my eyes are wide open. Very, very wide. Or are they? Am I really awake, when I am awake? When walking down the street, the people I see, are they real? Or just a roll of film playing out before my eyes? Am I sleeping as I type this? Are YOU real?

I like fire. I can relate with fire. I feel the same hatred, and anger and rage that she feels. I feel the same burning desire to light a candle full of sinners and set the world on fire. I feel for her. But does she feel the same for me? Or would she burn me too?

I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
I am in the mirror.
Look. There I am. Can you see me? Break it. Before I reach out and strangle you. What does that mean? I don't know why I said that. Does that mean anything to you?

Can I tell you a secret? You mustn't tell anyone. I once knew a boy named Mr. Vontez. When he was eight, something bad happened to him. He changed after that. Not changed in the usual sense. He stopped living, a part of him. The other part, kept the secrets. The other part wants to kill the mother****er who killed the former half of him. But then, a few years later, Mr. Vontez killed his soul. And he created a new person, in his head. That's the secret. Can you keep it?

Why do I not fear death? Am I already dead? The thought, "what if I die tomorrow" means nothing to me. What if you are dead? What then?

Nothing you see before your eyes is real. Nothing you see when you close your eyes is real. Nothing is real, and reality is an illusion. We are all dreaming. We are all dead.

What is this?
Wake up!
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