Randomness

Hey guys hows it going? I'm trying to remember to come on everyday and at least check and see if any of my old friends are getting on. As I can see most of them, at least the really good one, aren't getting on anymore. Today I'm kinda in a random thought writing so I'm probably going to ramble.

So I was kinda thinking about my situation with Amanda today, I know none of you will get this because Amanda is a rather new development, a part of me wants her to move out of state so I can get over it easier. A bigger part of me doesn't want her to leave because I still want it to work. I just don't know if I should just try sooner to get her back so just in case she decides to move I'll at least have had a chance to make it better.

I know I still love her and I'm pretty sure a part of me always will, but I just don't think she really ever did love me. She acted like she did and she said she did, but she told me that she never did and as much as I want to say that she was lying, I don't like I can. All this aside I still feel like I owe it to myself to try and make it better and be happy with her again. I'm always making other people happy, not really ever myself. Like college, I'm going to UNO and it's because my parents want me too. What I want to be I don't need schooling. I can do it now and I can do it well. I'm always trying so hard to make my parents proud even when I'm not happy doing it. I think that this time I need to follow what is going to make me happy and at least try to make it right. What do you guys think?